Not Functioning at 100% - More Like 5%
Haha. What happens when twice in one month you forget to take your Pill? Well, if you're having sex, you might get pregnant. But since that isn't an issue for me, something else happens. Your cycle gets really fucked up and let me just say that having INTENSE PMS while you're having your period is just oh so fun.
Sorry if this is TMI people, but it's what's going on. I'm crying, I miss my dad, I miss my grandmas, my grandpa, my sanity. Summer school has been cancelled and I'm worrying about money for this summer like crazy. People are sending back my resumes. I'm ready to throw in the towel on teaching. Maybe I should do what Veleska is doing.
In short, I'm a basket case now. My fibromyalgia is also acting up big time.
The only good news is I've lost a little more weight. I don't have a secret. I'm eating very few carbs, a lot of salads and probably turning slightly green. I've cut my caloric intake down quite a bit. Still haven't started exercising though. Eating much more healthy. Which is good because after what's happened to D, I am terrified for my poor heart and arteries. All those years of abuse...food abuse that is. At least I didn't/don't smoke and rarely drink. Although maybe I should start drinking. My BP has always been low too, which is good I guess.
Am working Monday; some teacher caught me leaving Friday and asked me to work for her. I think I must look trustworthy or something. A lot of teachers have been requesting me lately. The saddest thing is I know I'd be a very good teacher; the economy is just so bad there's NOTHING out there now. I feel like a broken record; like all my blogs are the same.
I'm really happy for S and D and the news that perhaps soon they shall be ONE....haha. Seriously, what wonderful news. :D
At least there's that! Because I've got hormones running amuck in me making me feel like it's all so worthless.
When is it my turn? When do I get to meet someone wonderful? I know, I know, I have to 'get out there." When someone can figure out where OUT is, I'll go there.
School is out on the 19th. I don't know how much I'll work - some schools run all year - through the summer, so I might work a little. Who knows and who cares.
I'm so ready to delete this blog. This is the ugly, sad, self-pitying part of me. Not pretty huh?
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
More Randomness
1. I don't know why but I woke up in a good mood today. Probably because 1)I slept last night and 2) the stupid phone didn't ring at 5:30a.m. waking me up with a work call. I really need the money but for once it was nice to NOT have that damned phone ringing.
2. I have had the new Church album for a while and now I LOVE IT. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially the song "Operetta." It took me several listens to warm up to the whole album but now I think it's beautiful.
3. I am having trouble getting used to these new computer keys on my new computer. I am making far too many typos. I am also being redundant.
4. I have lost even more weight. I don't know how much; my scale is broken. But I see myself and I can tell and my clothes are actually getting looser. I still have about a thousand pounds to go, but I think I finally have some control over my eating. It feels really good.
5. On that note, I am going to check out Curves. I know Veleska went and I know I need to start moving to facilitate more weight loss.
6. I've sent out 20 more resumes. I can just hear the people laughing when they receive them, but I have to do something.
7. I'm very sad and distressed by S's news of D. I'm sure the procedure will go fine, but I really want him to change his habits so he will be here a long time. Who else will remind me that there are good, decent men out there?
8. I found 8 pennies at the gas station today. I'm sure we've all dropped the occasional penny, but sheesh - 8? I know it's nothing really, but I picked them up. I'm trying to decide how to invest them. ; )
9. I wanted to take an Excel class at the local community college and then I found out the class started today and is during the DAY. Hello, people do WORK you know. Why don't you have this class at night idiots! Now I don't know where to find an Excel class.
10. This blog is pretty damned boring. I will end it with another cryptic comment: When you use me as an afterthought, I will burn you and disappear.
1. I don't know why but I woke up in a good mood today. Probably because 1)I slept last night and 2) the stupid phone didn't ring at 5:30a.m. waking me up with a work call. I really need the money but for once it was nice to NOT have that damned phone ringing.
2. I have had the new Church album for a while and now I LOVE IT. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially the song "Operetta." It took me several listens to warm up to the whole album but now I think it's beautiful.
3. I am having trouble getting used to these new computer keys on my new computer. I am making far too many typos. I am also being redundant.
4. I have lost even more weight. I don't know how much; my scale is broken. But I see myself and I can tell and my clothes are actually getting looser. I still have about a thousand pounds to go, but I think I finally have some control over my eating. It feels really good.
5. On that note, I am going to check out Curves. I know Veleska went and I know I need to start moving to facilitate more weight loss.
6. I've sent out 20 more resumes. I can just hear the people laughing when they receive them, but I have to do something.
7. I'm very sad and distressed by S's news of D. I'm sure the procedure will go fine, but I really want him to change his habits so he will be here a long time. Who else will remind me that there are good, decent men out there?
8. I found 8 pennies at the gas station today. I'm sure we've all dropped the occasional penny, but sheesh - 8? I know it's nothing really, but I picked them up. I'm trying to decide how to invest them. ; )
9. I wanted to take an Excel class at the local community college and then I found out the class started today and is during the DAY. Hello, people do WORK you know. Why don't you have this class at night idiots! Now I don't know where to find an Excel class.
10. This blog is pretty damned boring. I will end it with another cryptic comment: When you use me as an afterthought, I will burn you and disappear.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Random Stuff
1. My grandfather died - MAY 14th! His bastard son (and he is a bastard) never bothered to call us. There was a burial, but no funeral. Once again, I feel robbed of the chance to say goodbye. I guess I'll go to the cemetery myself.
2. I woke up at 3:30 a.m. again this morning. I haven't done that in a while. THANK GOD I'm not working today because honestly you are just beat by the time you get to work when you wake up that early.
3. I'm helping a friend move next weekend. The true test of friendship! Haha!
4. I'm sending out resumes like a fool, knowing there are no jobs out there. But what else can I do?
5. Watch out kids, I'm PMSing again. Yes it's that time of month again. Today I feel weepy, sleepy and sneezy. And I'm not even at Disneyland.
6. Not that I'm complaining but the Memorial Day weekend seemed really long.
7. I finally have my new computer. I'm deeply, madly in love with it. I've even managed to get almost everything off my old computer and onto this one without any help. I'm not really technologically savvy you see.
8. I admit it, I'm on Twitter. So sue me.
9. I so want to go back to sleep - it's been 5 hours since I've been up but I can't seem to get there.
10. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. I know what this means, it's my own little message to myself.
11. I promise to try to blog something more exciting next time. Maybe I'll rob a bank.
1. My grandfather died - MAY 14th! His bastard son (and he is a bastard) never bothered to call us. There was a burial, but no funeral. Once again, I feel robbed of the chance to say goodbye. I guess I'll go to the cemetery myself.
2. I woke up at 3:30 a.m. again this morning. I haven't done that in a while. THANK GOD I'm not working today because honestly you are just beat by the time you get to work when you wake up that early.
3. I'm helping a friend move next weekend. The true test of friendship! Haha!
4. I'm sending out resumes like a fool, knowing there are no jobs out there. But what else can I do?
5. Watch out kids, I'm PMSing again. Yes it's that time of month again. Today I feel weepy, sleepy and sneezy. And I'm not even at Disneyland.
6. Not that I'm complaining but the Memorial Day weekend seemed really long.
7. I finally have my new computer. I'm deeply, madly in love with it. I've even managed to get almost everything off my old computer and onto this one without any help. I'm not really technologically savvy you see.
8. I admit it, I'm on Twitter. So sue me.
9. I so want to go back to sleep - it's been 5 hours since I've been up but I can't seem to get there.
10. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. I know what this means, it's my own little message to myself.
11. I promise to try to blog something more exciting next time. Maybe I'll rob a bank.
Transitions
If you don't know who you are
Then you never were much to me anyway
If you don't know you're fading fast
I wonder how long you thought this would last
You've extricated yourself from my life
With busyness and business and other such excuses
And certainly you must know a rose untended to
Will die on the vine
I wish there was something more than history
To fill my memories
To remind me of why I even bother trying
This may indeed be our last hurrah
But it doesn't feel very festive to me
A death is a death by any name
And for you my dear, I no longer feel the same
And not with a bang but with a whimper
Will this - what? relationship? breathes its last
Don't worry my dear
We'll always have the past.
If you don't know who you are
Then you never were much to me anyway
If you don't know you're fading fast
I wonder how long you thought this would last
You've extricated yourself from my life
With busyness and business and other such excuses
And certainly you must know a rose untended to
Will die on the vine
I wish there was something more than history
To fill my memories
To remind me of why I even bother trying
This may indeed be our last hurrah
But it doesn't feel very festive to me
A death is a death by any name
And for you my dear, I no longer feel the same
And not with a bang but with a whimper
Will this - what? relationship? breathes its last
Don't worry my dear
We'll always have the past.
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