MadameBastet-Firing-Neurons

This Was Going to be a Beautiful Article on the First Day of Autumn But Now it's a Quiz Because Netscape Ate My Blog (see previous blog) So Now I'm Giving You This Instead

What song makes you cry?: “All I Know” by the Church, “Fix You” by Coldplay, “I Hope You Dance” by Leeanne Womack

What do you like to listen to before bed?: The wind, the rain, my cats purring, Steve Kilbey’s voice, Alan Rickman’s voice, Peter O’ Toole’s voice, Clive Owen telling me I’m the love of his life and the best sex he ever had (I listen to that inside my head)…silence

a p p e a r a n c e
HEIGHT: 5'9"
HAIR COLOR: brown with blond highlights
SHOE SIZE: 9
PIERCINGS: 2 (one in each ear)
TATTOOS: None, thank God because you aren’t allowed to show any as a teacher (stupid but true). For myself, I’m not big on tattoos anyway. Can’t commit.
UNDERPANTS YOU'RE WEARING: white, cotton, boring
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: A Design For Life – Manic Street Preachers
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: diet Pepsi
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: Gorgeous, blue skies and hot, dry, windy air. The Santa Anas have arrived, thank you.

d o - y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Yes, while reading in cars and on some flimsy boats
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Try about a hundred or so
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: My dad yes (although he’s dead now so it's super easy to get along with him) and my mom – well, we fight but we love each other like mad

f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: Nip/Tuck, Law and Order: Criminal Intent, House, BBC Mysteries
MAGAZINE: Vanity Fair, Time, Newsweek, Details, Esquire, GQ, Psychology Today, More, Oprah, Archeology Today, The New Yorker – sorry you asked? It goes on….I am addicted to magazines. I have a rare magazine gene.
THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: Sleep! Go to the movies late at night. Watch videos. Go to a book store and spend endless hours looking at books. Read magazines. Eat out. Stay up late. Now, anything but homework.

h a v e - y o u

BROKEN THE LAW: Of course
RUN AWAY FROM HOME: Yes, when I was 16. It lasted about a day.
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: No.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Yes
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: God yes! When I was a kid that was THE thing to do. It was grand fun.
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD: Yes -only when allowed to.
FALLEN ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: No. It would scare me to fall asleep in the shower. I think that’s called passing out.
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Yes

do you l o v e

CHILDREN: More than I ever thought I did and yes, as long as they're old enough to communicate with. I especially love kids in kindergarten and first grade. Smartest people on the face of the earth. Really, they've been my best teachers in life. However, I don’t think I was meant to have my own children. I want to help children become the best damned people they can in this great, wonderful, crazy mad, sad world.

BEEN IN LOVE?: Sadly I don’t think I really have. I love people and animals and things like songs and movies like crazy though. I feel like I’m in love with those things.

r a n d o m

YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: Rob Dickinson, Fresh Wine For the Horses
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: Yellow. It’s happy.
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET: Don’t know. Whatever strikes my fancy. Probably a soundtrack.
LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: About three days ago. Man, that’s a record for me. I cry a lot. I'm one of those highly sensitive types and if you don't like it, well fuck you!

PART TWO

Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?: Kind of.
Have you ever puked at a bar or club?: God no. Never have been a big drinker.
Have you ever dated someone you met online?: Yes, I’ve gone out with some people – but nothing huge has ever developed. Although my brother got married to someone he met online so I don’t think it’s a big deal. I would prefer to meet men the old-fashioned way: at a barn dance.

Have you ever smoked pot at a concert?: Yes. Actually in the parking lot at the Greek Theatre.
Have you ever dated/fooled around with a coworker?: In the places I’ve worked? No.
Ever been involved in a hit & run?: No, thank God.
Have you ever been on a blind date?: Yes. They suck. Dating sucks.
Are looks important?: Naturally. It’s biology.

Do you have any friends that you've known for 15 years or more?: Yes. I’ve known my best friend for 32 years.
By what age would you like to be married?: Before I’m dead would be nice. Obviously marriage hasn’t been a huge priority for me but I’d like to try it once.

Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your view of them?: Only if it was an obscene Paris Hilton-type amount. Also, I think it’s best to sleep with more than one person in your life. Variety IS the spice of life….
Have you ever sacrificed yourself so your friend can get in good with a person of the opposite sex?: Hell no. For some reason, like S, guys always go for whatever girlfriend I’m out with.
Have you ever drank milk that was past the expiration date?: Yes and the horror is still with me. Therapy helps.
Are you a good tipper?: Yes. I was a waitress in grad school; I know how brutal that job can be. However, if you are horrible as a server, I mean, TERRIBLE HORRIBLE THE WORST I HAVE EVER SEEN…I will tip poorly or stiff you to get the message across.
What's the most you have spent for a haircut?: Probably close to $200 for cut and colour
Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?: No. But once I had a really hot Scottish student when I taught college; I had a crush on him. He was flirtatious but I wanted to keep my job. My friend encouraged me to sleep with him. But she didn't need to work. ; )
Do you know all the words to the first verse of Ice Ice Baby?: No, my brain power is used for more important things.
Have you ever had crispy bangs?: Christ on the Cross, what are those?
What was the worst style of the 80's?: Oh yeah, the hair. BIG. Bon Jovi big.
Have you ever peed in public?: Does kindergarten count? ; )

Photo: Clive Owen, actor. Now this is a fucking MAN.

MadameBastet-Firing-Neurons

FUCK YOU NETSCAPE BASTARDS!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCKING FUCKERS FUCK IT!
FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!

There are no amount of fucks to get across how angry I am right now. I just wrote a beautiful blog about autumn and other things and Netscape shut my computer down. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know, I know, I should've been writing it in Word, or saved it. DON'T TELL ME I KNOW! But I didn't this time. MOTHERFUCKERS!

I could throw this fucking computer out the window right now.
Other than that, HAPPY FUCKING FIRST DAY OF AUTUMN!
THE MOTHERFUCKING SANTA ANAS ARE HERE!
It's hot and windy and dry. I hope NETSCAPE BURNS IN HELL!
Yes I know that makes no sense.

DO NOT FUCK WITH ME NOW.
And it's such a pretty day too.
Fuck it.

MadameBastet-Firing-Neurons

The Young and the Restless

Nope, not talking about the soap opera. Talking about the little munchkins that have taken over my life these past two weeks. I'm almost halfway into my third week into my credential program and in my second week at L. elementary where the shock has warn off, only to be replaced by hideous disbelief at the two lousy teachers I've been placed with. First I get Ms. M, who made Cruella de Vil (sp?) look like a saint. This witch is the meanest, nastiest, coldest 1st grade teacher I've ever seen. She pounded so hard on those kids it broke my heart. I truly, truly believe she should NOT be in the classroom - or anywhere near children. She's bitter, angry, short-tempered, mean and I am going to have to specifically request that I NOT student teach with her if I pick first grade as my student teaching grade. I HATE HER. Not just because of her style, but because of the things she said to the students. She belittled them. She made them feel less than and they already have such hard lives. I've never seen anything like it in any school in my life. I was literally stunned.

Monday I was moved to a third grade class right across from my 1st grade class. I've been seeing my first graders all week - they come up and say "Hi Ms. D!" and yell it across the playground. The saddest moment is when they asked me why I wasn't coming back to their class. You know, it's not that I'm so great, it's that they are desperate to be around someone who's not going to verbally tear them apart. Yesterday a little girl named Jessica ran across the playground and just hugged me - while I was on my cell phone! They are fearless and full of love at that age. What happens? People like Ms. M happen to them. Sad.

Anyway, now I am in a third grade class that would make Ringling Bros. weep with envy. I mean, all we're missing are the freakin' three rings. This teacher, another Mrs. M, is older and I believe has taught longer. She knows what she's teaching - but she has NO CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT skills. Or she just chooses to let her students act like screaming howler monkeys. It's not the kids. Almost all the kids are just being kids. Except one kid in the back who kept mumbling things to himself and looking at me strangely; him I worry about. But seriously - without classroom management, nothing gets done. Instruction time is lost. No one learns anything. To give you an idea of what was going on in the class, picture the following: 20 students at their desks, all doing something different at one time while the idiot teacher alternately reads from a story and barks at the students. We had

- one student lying on the floor
-one boy who kept falling out of his chair
-one boy who insisted on switching chairs every ten seconds
-one girl who got up every three minutes for a Kleenex
-one boy who kept moving his entire desk back until it hit the wall
-one girl talking to another girl
-one boy who yes, put his pencil up his nose
-one boy who continually YELLED OUT at every opportunity, and no he doesn't have ADD or Tourette's to my knowledge
-one boy who kept sticking his pencil in another girl's armpit
-one girl wandering the class for no reason

The rest of the students were either sleeping, playing with a friend, yawning, staring at the walls, ceiling, their pencils or talking. It was SO LOUD I thought I was going to have a stroke. I debated whether or not to look in my bag for any kind of pill that would dull my senses. I am only half-kidding. This sad classroom is due to a horrible, boring, scripted reading curriculum called Open Court Reading that the school district implemented because of NCLB and it's due to the teacher's inability to control her students. Some of my fellow cohorts got to see some really good teachers in action. I am angry I didn't. Why did I have to see such lousy teachers? I mean, BOTH my teachers suck and suck hard. Sure, it shows me exactly what NOT to do....that's a lesson I suppose. But I never would've talked to those kids like dogs in the first place and I will not allow 5 warnings in the class before you get in trouble. You get one warning with me, then you'd better start praying to God because you may never see recess again.

We had our ESL class today. Half these classes are what we call 'alphabet soup' classes. ESL, ELD, EO, RIFL, LEP, LRE, MDC, SST - I'm not kidding - all of these acronyms mean something. I'll tell you now - if English is your native language then you are EO - English Only. We were being taught how to administer the CELDT exam - which is an assessment of where a student is in terms of speaking and understanding English. At the middle school we are at, almost 1000 of the 2000 students need to take it. If you are a student who doesn't speak English well, and you never make it out of the ESL classes, you are hugely likely to drop out of school and never do well academically. Parents, even if you don't speak English - make sure your kids do, somehow, someway. You come to this country, your kids are going to either learn English and thrive or fall into an educational black hole. Sadly, culturally many of these people don't value education. There's no importance placed on it. I hope that will change.

When kids are struggling academically in school, they learn to hate it, and you, the teacher. Statistics show by middle school they've made the decision to drop out. That's 6th, 7th and 8th grade. It's shocking and sad and if things don't change, it's the future of this country.

So today after class I went to the bookstore to buy a 'multicultural' book for my students to 'welcome' them to school and make them feel warm and fuzzy. Honestly, I couldn't really find a 'multicultural' book if using that term means having people of different ethnicities in it. But I did find a really cute book about the first day of school. The teacher is a flamingo and every one of her students is a different animal. It's so cute. It scares me how much I like to sit in the children's book section in the bookstore. And it'd be even better - if there weren't children there. LOL!

Since I was back in richie rich WASPville, I encountered two screaming young boys. One was literally ordering his mother to do something and she said, "Jason, don't be so commanding." He was! He sounded like a drill sargeant. A spoiled drill sargeant. I can't spell that word. This teacher is too lazy to look it up now. Ha. Now I know, I'm not a parent, but if little Jason ever spoke to me that way, we'd be out of the bookstore and on our way home for a long talk, and an even longer time out. However, my favourite moment of the day had to come with the Screaming Mom and Son team.

This woman walked through the bookstore literally (I am not exaggerating) YELLING at the top of her lungs for her kid. "MATTHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MATTHEW WHERE ARE YOU!" It wasn't that he was lost per se, she was just annoyed. And she let the ENTIRE bookstore know it. "MATTHEW I AM GOING TO GO NOW! ARE YOU COMING!" I stood there, my jaw on the floor. Did this woman not have a shred of dignity? Was she not the tiniest bit embarrassed to be acting like this?

And then we hear little Matthew, who isn't that little, YELL right back, "I HAVE TO GO POO POO!" And mom says, equally loudly, "Well you don't have to advertise it to everyone!!!"

Too.fucking.late. That reminds me. In the 3rd grade classroom, they have a list of rules on the wall. (Why I don't know as you can see no one follows them). But the one that really shocked me is "No swearing." NO SWEARING! These kids are 8 or 9 years old! Even I, the motherfucking sailor/truckdriver swearing queen didn't start swearing until high school or maybe even college!!! I couldn't even imagine a "No Swearing" sign at my elementary school. Probably because that was 30 years ago and we were at a much higher socio-economic place. Sad, but true.

Have I told you all lately how happy I am to have cats? BTW, Fletcher is cone free, as free as the cone goes...a few mornings ago I woke up and she finally managed to take the cone off. She's good. No more bruising and her incision has healed nicely. And when she has to poop, she doesn't even tell me. It's bliss I tell you, bliss.

I'm actually finding other teachers who don't have kids, which is kind of nice, because I've already had some people look at me like I'm nuts because I don't have my own rugrats but am willing to teach other people's kids. Yeah, that's the point. At the end of the day, I get to go home to PEACE and QUIET. I'm still going to be considered a biological freak by many, but so be it.

So that's the report from the trenches this week. I'm hoping to blog soon about something other than school, but it really has taken over my life. When I read a magazine or watch a TV show I actually feel guilty - like I'm wasting time and I should be doing homework. Homework is still manageable but I can see it's gonna get ugly. When it does, this blog will probably go black for a long, long time.