MadameBastet-Firing-Neurons

31 Days to Freedom

I'm stunned I haven't written anything since October 29th. Then again, I'm not. I have been so busy mere words cannot describe it. I am leaving for Atlanta Tuesday morning to visit my brother and his wife for Thanksgiving. The program has turned into a nightmare of a different kind. Forget the gangs, the lockdowns, the shootings. That's all just become commonplace. No big deal.

I'm too tired to go into it all now. Suffice it to say I haven't been very happy at all and neither have my 16 fellow cohort members. I've done a lot of things in life in the corporate and academic world and nothing - NOTHING - comes close to the idiocy of this program. I regretfully must say the women running this thing are morons. Complete and utter stupidity reigns. I am not alone in this assessment. We are all suffering because of their inability to do their jobs correctly. I am disillusioned beyond all belief that these women were once teachers. They are all retired, collecting a pension from LAUSD and a paycheck for being our site supervisors as well. They evaluate our student teaching. These are women in their 60' s and 70's who haven't been in the classroom in over 20 years. They are disorganized. They are disrespectful. We are tired of being treated like we are five years old. I have a fucking Master's degree and taught college and yet I am treated as if I am in first grade. My ego has struggled mightily in this program. You cannot please these women. They contradict themselves at every turn. I really can't explain how awful this program is. I am beyond disappointed.

The kids are great. And yet I hardly ever get to teach them. My mentor teacher is a nice person but for whatever reason won't let me teach. I've tried to talk to everyone about it. No one cares. They are putting more idiots into the classroom. This is why there are so many bad teachers out there. I'm spending my student teaching experience sitting in the corner like some fucking T.A. No matter who we talk to, nothing ever changes.

The classes and work is killing me. I'm taking a ton of work with me to Atlanta to do on the plane and in the hotel. I get no vacation until December 21st. I feel no pride in getting a credential through this program; it's obvious they took anyone and everyone. There are some people in the cohort so stupid I can't believe they can dress themselves in the morning. God I know I sound arrogant and harsh. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. I don't sleep much anymore and I'm in a great deal of pain because of it. But I can't tell anyone about my condition. I don't trust anyone. I'm so far in now I won't quit. I'll jump through their stupid, meaningless hoops and kiss their idiotic asses until I get the credential. Really, it's hard for me to believe these women have jobs. They are inconsistant, they don't communicate with each other or with us, they don't show up for our evaluations. I am bored with the program. It is not intellectually stimulating for me in any way.

I have come to love my kids even though I don't teach much. I have gotten to know them and we have a great time. I do teach them in small groups. I am, not surprisingly, learning a great deal of Spanish. Tomorrow I have to teach an English Language Development lesson. I'm being evaluated for the 4th time. No matter what I do in the lesson, it's never good enough for the nutjob I have as a supervisor. I don't respect these people at all. It's hard to take this seriously when I think they're buffoons.

We had a drive-by shooting last week - three guys shot for tagging. No one died. Lockdowns are now commonplace. The gangs no longer freak me out. Nothing frightens me more that stupidity. The gangs have nothing on the women who hold my credential in their hands. I am almost ashamed to be in a program with such sad, pathetic mentors. They are not mentors. They are examples of what happens in a bureaucratic system. They should be fired and replaced with younger, capable, smart educators. I don't know what other credential programs are like. Remember, I am in a Carnegie-funded special program. The Carnegie foundation has NO IDEA how wasted their money is. People from the foundation are supposed to come talk with us. I would tell them honestly that this is one of the worst experiences of my life. I am only here to get the credential. Otherwise, it's meaningless. How my life has changed in three months. How very, very sad.