The Closing of George Mark Children's House

What can we do
If nothing for the children
Who lay prostrate and dying
Then we do not deserve any piece of
Heaven
for ourselves.

Where can they go
These tiny beings with fragile minds
And broken bodies
Their spirits held together by the four walls
of this place
And dreams of a painless tomorrow

We cannot abandon them, these innocents
Practicalities be damned! Empty out your pockets
the pillows of your heart
For they deserve the ending they want
When life itself handed them the cruelest start.


*George Mark Children's House (http://www.georgemark.org/www/index.htm) is the only free-standing hospice and respite care facility for sick and dying children in the entire United States; due to the economy and a lack of donations, it only has enough money to stay open until June. By contrast, England has over 40 children's hospice centers. If you can, consider donating something, no matter how small. Thanks.

Insomnia

To sleep, perchance to
FUCKING SLEEP!
What does it mean?
What does it feel like
to sleep, perchance to dream
Without taking a Tylenol PM
or to wake up and not scream
when perchance I look at the clock
and again my friend
it is 4am.

No, seriously, I not only switched my AD to the morning I cut it in half. Soon I'll just be snorting the dust out of the bottle, that's how little of this AD I'm taking and also apparently how powerful it is. I've been feeling kind of melancholy lately; wondering if cutting it down really has that fast of a cause and effect on my system or if I'm just feeling the blahs for no real reason. Also, I AM sleeping quite a bit better; I am waking up at the more normal hours of 6 -7 am now. I still have to take something to get to sleep, but it's better.

My weekend was kind of shit thanks to last Friday's time in the fun zone but I'm better now. I called LAUSD yesterday and they said to FAX them my 'incident report' in writing. So I wrote one of my super articulate letters that basically said "Those motherfucking kids at that motherfucking school are motherfucking nuts and I ain't going back no matter what!" Funny, my version sounded so much better. I have yet to hear from them, but I am sure I will have to call THEM to find out if I am allowed to avoid that hellhole.

I'm addicted to wasting time on that stupid Facebook. I RUE THE DAY I got on there, I swear. I'm about to pick my five favorite pieces of lint soon; I can't stop playing their little games and quizzes and picking my five favorites of everything.

This Saturday night I am going to see Bill Maher at the Universal Amphitheater. I don't think it's called that anymore; I think it's called The Gibson Amphitheater - but whatever. I saw Bill once (we ARE on a first name basis thank you) at a very small comedy club in Pasadena and I seriously thought I was having a stroke I laughed so hard. He is brilliant at stand-up and God knows I could use some laughs right now.

I'm getting freaked out that the government keeps bailing out small countries - I mean AIG - and every other bank - right and left. Where are they getting this money? I mean seriously. Are they printing it up at the Treasury? Are they going to run out of ink like I did with my printer last night? Is the dollar going to become totally worthless soon and we'll be taking in wheelbarrows full of money to buy a loaf of bread at the market? What is that inflation? Deflation? Hell, I'm scared of it all.

S thinks her blogs are boring. She's got nothing on me. Here's boring for you: On Saturday my two spoiled rotten cats are going to be 14 years old. No, we're not having a party. Every freakin' day is a party for them. It does make me sad that another year of their little lives has passed. I hope they live to 19 or so. But naturally I want them healthy. I think '14' years? Wow, that went quickly.

I've been watching a LOT of movies lately. Nothing has really impressed me. Oh I did see one film I do highly recommend called "I've Loved You For So Long" with Kristen Scott Thomas (formerly in the English Patient). It's in French and it's a rather somber piece about a woman who's just gotten out of prison after 15 years (I won't tell you why she was in but it's devastating) and it's beautifully acted and written. I love French films. The French don't feel the need to drop giant emotional anvils on you every 30 seconds in their films. I'm considering watching that piece of teenage tripe, "Twilight." Why? I don't know. Sick curiosity. I've all but lost total interest in TV and oddly enough haven't been reading at all. I definitely think that had to do with the AD which made me feel like I had ADHD and I wonder how long I can go in this sentence just using these abbreviations. Seriously, it's like I haven't been able to concentrate on things for very long. I hate thinking something is fucking with my brain chemistry like that.

To end this blog on a totally boring and self-serving note, I had the WORST allergy attack today and my head feels like it's full of lead. I'm going to find some aspirin or climb under the covers.

Thanks

I just wanted to say thank you to all my wonderful friends who read about my hellish day on Friday and who have left me some very kind comments and suggestions. I'm lucky to have you guys and I wanted you to know I never take you for granted. Thanks especially to Thomas, Staci, Sandy - and Holly and Veleska - even though they haven't read about my fun day yet, they are always here for me with encouraging words. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I'm just going to try and have faith that things will work out and I will get through these tough times.