This is My Brain on Student Teaching
Oh god am I sick. AGAIN. This must be my fourth cold in five months. This time I have a raging sinus infection and fever. I can't smell, taste or breathe. You know, the little things in life. AND my kids had the GALL to tell me yesterday that it was MY fault THEY all had colds! HA! I said "There are 20 of you - and you're ALWAYS sick! There's only ONE of me!" LOL! They are little germ-spreading freaks. I am going to miss them like crazy. I want to cry just thinking about how much these annoying kids have gotten into my heart. I was worried because it took me a while to bond with them - but I did. Damn kids.
So I'm on Levaquin - my standard antibiotic and I slept about 12 hours last night. My throat is raw and I couldn't even watch TV. I just passed out at about 8 p.m. So Levaquin and Tylenol Severe Cold ,medicine must be some wild drugs because I had the CRAZIEST dreams last night and when I woke up I remembered the dream vividly. Hours later, I still do. I'm going to write my dream here - I don't know how much you'll understand - but the names of the people are people in my program. All other names have been changed to protect the guilty, ha.
My dream: We were taking classes back at my university - although it looked like a mall, not our university at all. Naturally, I'd missed like three of the first classes for some reason (I always have these anxiety dreams where I miss classes). I met with one of the professors on what looked like a porch/stoop or something and she was really nice and told me what reading I had to make up. We were taking classes alongside TODDLERS! We all stood in class and there were adults and tiny kids taking the class too! And there were babies in the classroom. In what seemed to be some kind of advanced math methods class my friend Peri chose to sit at a computer - but there were also BEDS in the classroom. They were single beds with white sheets. I sat in the class lounging in one bed, and my friend Jen lounged in the bed next to me, and next to her was her BOYFRIEND! Then the teacher gave us all some seasoned green beans to eat. We were all laughing hysterically eating these beans. Apparently they tasted really good and there was something wildly funny about them. Then she showed us something on the CBS evening news and we all started crying; it was the CBS news from the 1970's! I remembered the old newscasters and everything. My cohorts Amber and Chelsea were also in the class. So was Rob - but Rob was absent - naturally! I kept asking "Where are the other members of our cohort" At one point I was walking somewhere with Cheri and I said "Oh yeah, Donna quit for now."
It gets even better - after class, Jen and I walked to an area of the class where there was a little 'liquor store' - Jen was thinking about taking home a big bottle of whiskey. We had a liquor store in the class and after class we could stock up. What a riot. I was looking at a the 'baby bottles' of booze. I adore them - I collect them actually; I don't drink them. I asked Jen if the big bottle of whiskey was good. She didn't respond, and she didn't buy anything. I didn't either. Then Peri, Jen and her boyfriend and I were walking to take the bus home. I don't exactly know what happened to my car. It's like I forgot it somewhere - and yet I remember thinking "My car's so messy inside. I can't drive it anymore." This is so true. I am not normally this messy of a person - but my car is a disaster zone now.
So we all got on the bus, at the back and there was hardly anyone else on the bus. I had to go to the bathroom the entire time. Nice detail, huh? Again, we went to a mall parking structure to catch the bus. Now what's really strange is that as I was dreaming this, in the dream, I was thinking about the fact that I was about to have an affair with this guy (have no idea who he was) who seemed to be a family friend and he and his perfect Barbie doll girlfriend came to my mom's house for Thanksgiving dinner. Gena was there and mentioned there was no stuffing and how my mom didn't really go to any effort with the dinner. I was really mad at Gena for saying that. I felt she was insulting my mom; but it WAS a strange meal. Then I find myself sulking and longing for this 'mystery man' inside some long black car (I swear it seemed like it was a hearse) between two streets close to my mom's house. Then, this mystery man, who I felt I LOVED and LUSTED after, came over to the car. I rolled down the window a little bit and put my fingers on the glass and he started sucking on my fingers. He had long, blondish hair and was REALLY classically good looking. The type of guy that would NEVER go for ME in real life. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who the hell is this guy? NO ONE! It's just my libido saying "For God's sake woman - are you EVER going to get some again?" LOL! Oh - and then this hot mystery man appears in one of our university classes. He stands in front of me at a desk. He opens his shirt and starts to pull down his pants and show me his underwear! A PORNO DREAM! I am cracking up laughing as I type this. What a riot. How sick am I?
I'm thinking all of this as we are all on the bus. So I'm dreaming and thinking too - does that make sense? Then Peri and I get off at our stop - but naturally I forget my TWO rolling suitcases. I have TWO - not one. We are close to my mom's house on this long street, running down the street trying to stop the bus. We are screaming at the bus. I PANIC - naturally. Oh - Amber is with us too. I make her call Jen, who is still on the bus. She can't get a signal. I pull out my cell phone - except it isn't mine and I can't understand it at all. I just look at it, totally unable to figure it out. At some point we see Jen and her boyfriend. The bus is long gone. I whine and whine about how am I going to get my bags. Then Jen falls down a flight of stairs - don't ask where they came from. Her boyfriend rushes down to check on her - she is really dazed. We all run down to see if she is OK. She is, pretty much.
Is this not FUCKED UP or what? Freudian???? Oh wait- I remember some more - I also dreamt about my cousin having her baby and my mom was bitching that today you could just set an appointment to have a baby. LOL! I have no idea where that came from - my cousin hasn't had a baby in almost four years.
I saw a job advertisement for a home economics teacher. It listed the class schedule - and two of the things on the schedule were "the channel 7 news" and "terrorism"! I said "Wow, when I took home economics we learned how to make artichoke hearts and sew pillows. This is true - this is what I did in my 7th grade home ec class. Boy has that shit helped me in life. Not. Anyway, now they're making kids watch the news and learn about terrorism.
I can probably explain almost everything in the dream - I think I know where it all came from. Isn't the brain fascinating though - how it creates all this symbolism? Still, I need to get laid. Let's face it. I need to fall in love. I need to do so many things that have NOTHING to do with work, teaching and most of all, this stupid ass program.
Only 9 teaching days left. 17 days total left. I can hardly believe it. I'm still trying to get recommendation letters from my mentor teachers. I can't properly look for a job without having these. Naturally everyone is now moving at the pace of a slug. A job? Fuck it. What I need now is a stud.
Photo: Can't someone get me this for graduation?