Friday, January 23, 2009

I Wanna Be Sedated

And you would too, my pretties, if you spent your days in my head! Warning: More foul language ahead. See, I'm 41 years old and I only swear in my car, with my friend Cheri and on my blog. Ok, sometimes in the house too. So I feel like hey, it's MY BLOG, I can say what I want to...nah nah nah!

Ok, so some more random stuff, and a report from The Future of America. Ole!

1) Who the F-U-C-K DOES KANYE WEST THINK HE IS? And if you've ever seen his blog (I don't read it but do go on sites where they cut and paste it) he has a PROBLEM with TURNING OFF HIS CAPS KEY. The seriously egotistical mofo cannot type in lower case. I really despise him. Every other second he is talking about how GREATTTTTTTTT he is! He thinks he is some kind of GOD!!!!!!!! Plus, did you see his freaking hair at the Inauguration? Dude is sporting a MULLET! A black mullet, but a mullet. He is DELUSIONAL. I mean, really, SEEK PSYCHIATRIC HELP IMMEDIATELY. It's nothing to be ashamed of, asshole. I only WISH I had 1/10th of that idiot's ego! He is greater than the Beatles AND Jesus AND Buddha AND Mohammad. I want to break into his house, find his computer and steal the CAPS LOCK key. He will FREAK the HELL OUT and NO ONE will have to read his INSANE ramblings anymore.

2) YOU MUST WATCH THIS VIDEO! There's a video on the web of Anderson Cooper (my gay boyfriend) doing his news show the day after the Inauguration. I love Anderson profoundly - so part of me is MORTIFIED for him. And yet part of me laughs my ass off watching it. He is either SO HUNG OVER or still SO WASTED from all the partying he cannot form one coherent sentence. Actually I think he is just tired as hell. He's been doing Regis and Kelly, filling in for Regis, so I imagine he's getting up at 4am and has to do his evening broadcast. Anywho...this is by far the worst broadcast I have ever seen from a journalist. It's humiliating to watch - yet like the proverbial car accident, you cannot take your eyes and ears away. And yet, and yet....he fucks up almost every single word so badly you just want to poke your own eyes out with white-hot pokers and pour acid in your ears. And then listen to it again and again in utter awe - because it's ANDERSON COOPER! It's Mr. Katrina - Mr. War Zone, Mr. Serious and he has taken the Hangover Train to work when he shoulda stayed home in bed with the hair o' the dog and his boyfriend giving him some hangover TLC...



3) It rained pretty much all day here. This would've been something I could have enjoyed, had it not been for the fact that the dildos at the middle school I went to today split my job - I taught 6th grade English until period 4 on one side of the campus, then was sent to a 7th grade math class on the opposite side of the campus with a map designed by Helen Keller. So I am walking around with my heavy purse, bag, map, sub folder and umbrella, feet soaking wet...asking every single human being I see "Do you know where room B-2 is?" Finally a teacher tells me it's behind the M building. Well of course, I should've known that. It makes perfect sense. I mean, the A building is there, and the C building, and silly me, I thought the B building would be close by, but they tucked it into a vacant spot 62 miles away from the main campus. Probably so no one can ever hear the screams of substitute teachers.

4) I'm sure all of these students think the alphabet goes like this "A, M, C, B..."

5) As I was leaving today (trying so desperately NOT to run out of the office screaming "NEVER AGAIN! AS GOD IS MY WITNESS NEVER AGAIN!") I actually heard a TEACHER say this. I swear on the lives of my beautiful pussy cats, he actually said this sentence:

"I heard there aren't going to be no layoffs." Just let the words sink in for a moment. Say the sentence over in your mind a few times.

A little background. First L.A. was going to lay off 2500 probationary teachers. Now they've changed their minds. Because every LAUSD teacher is SO valuable, so bright, intelligent, articulate, inspiring and necessary, that even if this state does go bankrupt, we CANNOT LET ONE PRECIOUS TEACHER GO. Especially ones as articulate and linguistically mannered as this gentleman. I know I'm a grammar freak - but really, where do we draw the line? This man is employed as an educator and he speaks like this? I felt like screaming "MOTHER OF CHRIST ON THE CROSS! Do you always use double negatives and talk like you've just left the hood? Is this how you speak to your students?" HE HAS A JOB and I DON'T?????? He's Hispanic. That's how the kids in my English class were speaking. Double negatives were flying all over the place. I tried to correct them but it's like a wall is up; they don't care. What does it matter? It's how all their homies fly, dude.

I stood there just looking at him, in utter horror. Now here's where some of you might get offended, and I am sorry, but this is what I have experienced both living and working in L.A. I have always tried my best to be fair to the Mexicans, legal or not, but if you want to see the future of this country, come to L.A. and you will cry tears of hot, bitter tecate sauce. Every single school I go to - I might as well be in Mexico. All the teachers and administrators are Latino/Latina. I feel like the Evil White Woman. The kids come from a culture where education is by and large not valued. They are pregnant at 15, in gangs, on drugs, having sex, in foster care and those that are good, smart kids are present, but they are far and few between. My students today had to write one paragraph on their favourite pie - and I've seen better spelling from first graders. I could barely read the 'essays.' The lack of motivation is palpable. One foul-mouthed trouble maker in a math class say "I've got to get edumacated." The foul, filthy language was just par for the course, no pun intended. They threaten each other, talk about being glad some guy was murdered and just make up answers on their math worksheets. Bits of conversation I overheard today:

"Fuck you faggot."
"Come over here you stupid motherfucker and I'll kick your ass."
"Fucking mother fucking bitch."
"Shut up you bitch!"

What the fuck do these kids think is going to happen to them when - no, IF - they even graduate from high school? There aren't even enough McDonald's to employ them. This is the future of this city. California has seen MAJOR white flight and really, people even dare to ask WHY? This state is BANKRUPT. I don't care if L.A. was made up of Bolivians - a city cannot handle this many people in the system - people who take far more than they give back. Yes, we need our gardeners and maids and cooks and hotel cleaning ladies...but there are ONLY SO MANY OF THOSE JOBS TO GO AROUND. We are going to have a culture of fucking IDIOTS - and there's not gonna be enough welfare to keep these people fed. An entire city cannot be low-wage service employees. It won't work.

My heart breaks when I see families that just want a BETTER LIFE. But they don't learn English, they don't participate in their kids' schooling, they don't even NEED to learn English. I was in a part of L.A. today where every single sign was in Spanish. There's no incentive to learn English. They never needed to adapt to America; America is changing for THEM.

Here was the BEST - I mean the absolute fucking BEST part of my day. After the students in the math classes finished their worksheets, the teacher told me to show them a video. I don't know what I thought the video was - something moderately educational perhaps? No. You want to know what he shows his classes? A show from Tru TV called "Most Shocking: Wild Animal Encounters." We saw: a pit bull literally chew off the hand of an animal control officer. A man in Spain get trampled and thrown around like a rag doll by a bull. A LITTLE GIRL locked in a cage with a crazed monkey that chewed her left leg to pieces. She screamed and screamed and screamed, running around trying to get out. The kids thought this was hysterical. We saw a stallion go wild, a man try to rope it, and get kicked in the head by the horse. Repeatedly. There was so much more. The first time I played it, I literally stood there in utter shock. Am I still that naive? I guess so. THIS IS APPROPRIATE MATERIAL FOR THESE KIDS? This is how this teacher feels instructional time is best spent? And I'm sure this fuck has tenure, and Jimmy Fuckin' Hoffa himself would come back from the grave to defend this teacher's "union rights."

Violence against animals and people. What did this have to do with math? I am so, so, so, so, so tempted to write the new Superintendent, the L.A. Times, my local radio show (the DJ's despise LAUSD and the union) and tell them THIS IS WHERE OUR TAXES ARE GOING. Our tax money is going to pay teachers like this to show these kinds of videos to his students. Of course I'd have to be so stinking anonymous about it or I'll never get a teaching job ANYWHERE for being a rat and anti-union. Not that I would even consider working at a hellhole like the place I was at today. Both teachers I subbed for - also Hispanic. I don't think they even care if you speak Spanish anymore - I really think to get a job you have to be a certain, um, race.

I am, utterly and completely defeated. I am there right now for the money. That is all. I do not believe I can make a difference, I do not want to make a difference. I want out, out, out. The last three years have been a long, sad road for me. And I still don't know where I'm going to end up.

I've depressed myself so much I'm going to bed. Oh, one more thing..

6) I saw the head shrinker last night. After a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong discussion, he's given me a fairly new drug to try. I don't want to get into it here; it freaks me out though because some of the side effects are really scary. It's times like these I hate my own brain and just want it to get back on track so I won't have to fill it and my body with these g-damn chemicals. Why can I be normal?

Ha.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Crap!

L.A.U.S.D apparently found my phone number.
Phone rang at 5:58 a.m. this morning.
They sent me to the 4th circle in Dante's Inferno today.
Good thing I make almost $28 an hour for this shit,
because I felt like making some middle kid heads roll.

More later. Really, I will share. I am thinking
the idea of studying medical billing sounds better
and better.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


Random Shite

1. I finally heard the new U2 song on the radio earlier today and while it's really great to hear Bono's voice, I have to say...I'm quite disappointed in the song. My first instinct is to say I hate it. I don't know. I'll give it a few more chances. We'll see.

2. Obama had to take the oath again! What
fuckery! All because that idiotic uber-conservative Chief Justice John Roberts apparently had too big of an ego to actually bring the oath out with him on some index cards or something; I suppose he felt he'd memorized it well enough. Hardly!! He screwed Obama up from the moment he said his name. I think it's priceless Obama voted against him a few years ago. The Supreme Court needs to lose a few of its rabid right wingers...too bad this moron isn't going anywhere soon.

3. Have I mentioned I took 2 of the 4 required
CSET English exams for my single subject credential on January 10th? I can't remember if I mentioned this. I took Subtest 1 - Literature and Textual Analysis and Subtest 3: Composition and Rhetoric which involved a great deal of writing with a fair amount of bullshit sprinkled generously throughout my compositions. Honestly? With my mental meltdown in full bloom, I barely studied. I'll get the scores on 2/9. Wouldn't the gods be smiling on me if I passed even ONE of them? There are two other exams - Subtest 2 - Linguistics and the history of the English language (the Great Vowel Shift - a momentous time in history! Love those Normans!!) and Subtest 4: Communications - Speech, Media and Creative Performance. Lots of academic hoo ha I haven't bothered to look at.

This is not an easy credential to get; especially when one has not had any kind of an English class in 20 years. Good thing I love reading and am a superior writer, and an excellent bullshitter.

4. Speaking of meltdowns, going into town tomorrow to see the shrink - the one that actually passes out the pills. Going to demand a change in the regime. Methinks the brain desperately needs it. I'm still waiting for some
pharmaceutical company to create an AD that works, doesn't kill your libido and make you fat as a cow in the process. I know, I know. Keep dreaming.

5. People who read my blog and never comment? You bug me when you do that. Just
sayin'. You know who you are!

6. A lovely young man came over today at the crack o' dawn from the Geek Squad. Poor guy; it took him two hours to get my
iTunes and Quicktime working. He ended up telling me what I already knew: My computer is a dinosaur with no memory. I will be buying a laptop in the near future. I am in the throes of: Mac or PC? To PC or not to PC...heh. He was an interesting kid...told me a lot of stuff about Apple I didn't know.

7.
Fibromyalgia - Too Legit to Quit! Last night I watched my taped episode of "House" - ugh. It was about a young guy in chronic pain who's repeatedly trying to commit suicide because well, Jesus Christo, he's in CHRONIC PAIN and he's been to something like 7 specialists in 3 years and no one can figure out what's wrong. Three years? Pussy! No, seriously, that episode had my address all over it. Kind of a depressing episode when you can relate to it just a little too well. Anyway, they actually threw out the word 'fibromyalgia' as a possible diagnosis for him. That was cool though - considering there's still a shitload of ignorant, compassionless fucktard doctors out there that don't think it's a real condition. Also, an author and columnist for O! The Oprah Magazine, Martha Beck, spent her last column talking a great deal about her struggles with fibromyalgia. This is big kids. Fifteen years ago when I had just gotten ill, I can't tell you how many insensitive prick doctors told me I was a nut job, just needed to get on AD's, the condition didn't exist, blah blah blippity blah. I only wish those people could spend 6 months with a nice severe case of fibro. They'd start singing a different tune. Or I could just bash their hands with a hammer non-stop for 6 months. Whatever.

8. Speaking of TV - after another dismal Fall TV season, I actually have some things to watch. Burn Notice is coming back (mind candy). Also, I taped a new show called "Lie To Me" with Tim Roth. TIM ROTH! He was one of my earliest acting gods. Also, he played Mr. Orange in "Reservoir Dogs" and who doesn't remember THAT little flick? God I so distinctly remember seeing that movie in 1992 and my mind was BLOWN! I LOVED IT! (Yes, I have a thing for movies that most women probably don't like that much). It was only years later I found out how
Tarantino had totally ripped off so many other movies - (one being the genius "The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3 from the 70's which is naturally being remade and without Robert Shaw and Walter Matthau - why the fuck bother???). Seriously. I love me some Tim Roth. He and Gary Oldman - I was CERTAIN they were going to be the British equivalent of Newman and Redford or something. But Gary - I don't know. Booze, now on his 3rd wife who's about 20 years younger than he is? Also lot of bad script choices...I don't know where Tim has been. I hope this show is good.
I came late to the party, but I love "The Mentalist" because, well, Christ on a cracker, have you SEEN Simon Baker? Also, I'm in the middle of Top Chef and praying the legal troubles end so Project Runway can come back. BTW, I have quit ALL the housewives...of Orange County, New York, Atlanta, whatever. Yeah! No kidding. It only took 4 seasons for my brain to finally say "Why are you watching these leather-faced, silicone-planted,
Botox-pinned, vacuous drunks?" See, little bits of sanity within the insanity. Baby steps.

9. I am still not working. I wonder if the school district lost my phone number. Unreal.

10. I think the Oscar
noms come out in a few hours. Oh and it's the first anniversary of Heath Ledger's death. Yes, I know, this is kind of reading like the National Enquirer isn't it? I just know that because I saw a cover article on him on Entertainment Weekly. Man, waste, waste, waste.

11. We are supposed to get some rain which means it will mist here for 20 minutes, people will become utterly hysterical on the roads, a
bajillion accidents will happen and it'll be 85 degrees come Sunday.

12. I read somewhere today Henry VIII was terrified of cats. Good. I'm really hating on the cat haters lately. I feel like I have to defend all the poor felines of the world. Damn they get bad press! People who hate them because they can't control them - ha! That speaks volumes to me about the PERSON! "I must have a creature who will be at my beck and call 24/7." Why am I going on about cats? Really, I don't think anyone understands the breadth and depth of the drop in sanity here. Also, people who hate little dogs can...bite me.

13. My mom was pondering a trip. First she was pondering a cruise, and now a trip to a luxury resort in Phoenix.
Hmmm. S, got any good tips on that last one? Of course, (and I kid you not) she is also pondering taking money out of the bank and putting it in her mattress. I can see both points of view.

14. Speaking of trying to save money - by God, I'm cutting coupons! I am, I am!

15. I have two all-day/night passes to Disneyland and California Adventure. I really want to go. It's not like work will interfere. I received these passes as a Christmas gift from one of my students last year at the Insane Asylum I worked at. I don't do
roller coasters though - so most people won't bother going to DL with me. I don't care. I practically grew up there, it IS the 'happiest place on earth' and I just enjoy being in the park. Except for all the people. Especially the children. I am half-kidding about that last part.

16. I finally got the Christmas pictures developed. I think I will try and find one of my niece and post it. She's 27 inches! Sadly, she's still not putting on the weight like she should...but she's crawling like mad, and walking between the furniture using the table, sofa, etc. to help her. Go Ella!

17. I heard - literally - Rush Limbaugh say he "wants Obama to fail." He said it. "I want him to fail." You know, it's one thing to disagree on policies and issues, and even say "I want this or that policy to fail" - but this pig is unreal. He is a steaming, infected boil on the ass of humanity who needs to be lanced into oblivion. I HATE HIM! Even though I disagreed with SO MUCH that Bush did, I never started out saying "I hope he fails." Why doesn't Limbaugh just say he hopes the whole country fails - so he can be proven right? He's a seriously disturbed fuck.

18. Peanut butter and salmonella - Oh for nut's sake. I ate two Reese's peanut butter hearts last week and well, did NOT feel well at all for a couple of days. I wonder...??? Probably not...but man, is it me or does it seem like some type of food is being recalled every month because of salmonella poisoning? Hmmm. I can think of a specific conservative radio talk show host I'd like to shove a jar of Jiffy down...or up. Whatever. OMG! I think I hear rain. Drowns out the voices...heh.

19. I've quite the potty mouth in this blog don't I?

Photo: Ella Bella, in the 'holiday' dress I bought her, on Christmas Eve, 2008.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Obamarama

Ok, I voted for the man, and it's about 1:15 a.m. on the 20th. YAY! But holy cow, this inauguration has been going on for days! Ha! Finally though, the REAL day is here. FINALLY. Eight looooooooooooooooooooooong, tremendously sad, sad, sad years are coming to an end. Do I think Obama is the Messiah and all will be well on Wednesday? Hell no. If he's able to achieve 1/10th of what he wants to do in the first 2 years of his term, I'll be surprised. He's not God. Politics by its very nature is a tough, mercurial animal. He can't control the markets, the world, or even Congress.

Oh and someone really, really needs to tell him he's NOT Abraham Lincoln. Man, what the hell is THAT about? Seriously, does he believe in reincarnation?

Obama might not want to identify too much with a man who was um, assassinated. I just worry about his security. I think back to the night the Courts GAVE Bush the presidency (no I've got no strong opinions on this) and I CRIED. Everyone thought I was just being 'emotional, hysterical D' - but hey, how much better off is our country, the world - are YOU? than you were 8 years ago?

I will admit, shockingly, I had a moment of pity for Bush. He's the one who's leaving with a 22% approval rating, but come ON - in so many ways, he was a puppet and his strings were just pulled by Cheney and Rumsfeld. Cheney isn't leaving with that approval rating. Rumsfeld got his ass kicked to the curb long ago. They bear huge responsibility for Iraq and the mess we're in.

So anyway, I'll be up in about 5 1/2 hours to watch 'history in the making' - heh. This country is very, very desperate for hope - and I understand that feeling on a very personal level. Hopelessness is the worst feeling a human being can have in my oh so humble opinion.

I'd like Obama to do some 'fireside' chats like FDR. Primarily because I don't have a fireplace and I find them very comforting and soothing, haha.

I heard Obama will be using Lincoln's Inaugural Bible tomorrow for the swearing in ceremony. My God. I half expect the man to show up in a stove pipe hat and a beard.

All I have to say is: Good luck my dear man. To take on the job of the president at any time implies a little insanity I think, but to take it on at this juncture in America's history is just beyond comprehension. So good luck, and Godspeed!