The Program , Part II

As much as I've wished this vacation to be over the last couple of weeks, here it is, one day left, and I'm a little shocked. Six weeks gone - poof! And what did I do? Slept a lot. Read a lot. Whatever I did or didn't do, it's over, tomorrow is my last 'free' day really, until it's ALL OVER. Primarily because we are being assigned, I assume, to a year-round school (don't even get me started on those and how much I hate them) and they do not have spring breaks. So no spring break. Also, my university managed to put President's Day at the end of December for some reason. So I really cannot think of one real holiday we'll be getting. And I'm certain the Powers That Be will allow us again, ONE missed day of full student teaching in 9 weeks - which is insane. One day in over two months? People get sick, shit happens, but they harp on that constantly.

So here I am...am I ready to go back? Not really. Not in the sense of someone who's just been through three and half months of one of the worst experiences of his/her life and you say "Well, would you like some more?" I'm sure my readers think, well she's GOT to be exaggerating, how BAD could it be? Believe me, I've been through some shitty things in my life and y'all know it. The horrible shock of the death of my dad and the way I found him, my own struggles with ongoing health issues...I've been held at gunpoint, narrowly escaped a raging fire, almost drowned in the Pacific ocean in Hawai'i and rode out the Northridge earthquake. I've had shitty jobs, bosses from hell and all the other intolerable situations we all have. Seriously, after my health, and my dad, this Program is the worst experience of my life. I didn't believe such ineptness existed in the world. I never dreamt you could be pushing 40 and be treated like a mentally defective child by people who by all rights and means should hold no job period. Forget the gangs, the illegals, the kids who don't speak English. That's tough, but I can live with that now. It's knowing we have to go back to these same morons for 4 months that sucks and blows at the same time, to quote Bart Simpson.

But alas, I have to return. As I've mentioned, this semester, we'll be taking 6 classes in 6 weeks. Health, kinesiology, social studies/arts (yay), technology in the classroom, science and my most dreaded class, equity and diversity. What a joke that's gonna be. Especially since it's being taught by a Latino professor who wrote our textbook and I sincerely doubt all races are going to get a fair shake. But I shouldn't judge him on his race, because I'm being racist. Wow. Show me one person in L.A. who isn't in some small way racist and I'll show you a liar.

Then, if the idiot teachers do NOT strike, we'll be starting our full-day student teaching on March 12th. At this point I have NO idea where I'm teaching and no idea what grade. I asked for 1st or 2nd grade - preferably 2nd. I'm sure we'll be teaching at another school in the valley - I'm just hoping it won't be as gang and violence ridden as the last school. I hope to find out Monday if they've figured out where they're putting us.

I am trying to go into the second semester with a somewhat different attitude - one of detachment - as much as I can. Because there is almost nothing I can control except of course, my attitude. I can't control the idiots, I can't control their idiotic behavior, I can't control the professors, or where I get placed or what school I'm placed at, or what mentor teacher I get. I can't control the strike or the schedule. I'm hoping I can control my mouth, because several times last semester I really thought I was going to get kicked out of the program for voicing my not-so-happy opinions. The 'kids' as I call them now - the 22 -25 year old girls, all looked at me like I was insane. Some of them are fresh out of college though. They've never even had another - no, any job! Naive isn't the word for it. Life has been fairly kind to them thus far. I feel sorry for them in a way. I can't imagine being 22 and going to be a teacher and doing nothing else - having no perspective on life other than being in the classroom. As much as I disliked some of my other jobs, I like the fact I had them, that I was exposed to business, and different types of people, different ways of doing something. Well, they don't care. They formed their own little clique right off the bat and I'm too old to matter to them.

So yeah, here's hoping and praying I can put my meditation practice to work, and keep my blood pressure down. I really don't know if I'll be busier with this schedule - although honestly, I cannot imagine that. I cannot imagine ever being busier than I was last semester. So I don't know how often I'll be writing on here. I'm hoping to at least write some happier updates...if it kills me. ; )

The 25

Oh heck, everyone's doing it - why not jump on the bandwagon...although suddenly I fear I don't even have 25 very interesting things to say about my life that people don't already know about because of this blog or my big mouth!

25. When I was at a preschool, around age 3, some nasty bitch locked me in a utility closet all day because I was crying for my mom. Yes I remember it - I have a fantastic and scary memory. Despite this event, I'm not really claustrophobic.

24. I have an irrational fear of pool drains. Don't ask why - I've never had an accident with one, knock wood. Honestly, I get nervous when swimming in the deep end of a pool and I know I'm over the drain. It freaks me out just to look down at it. I don't fear any other kind of drain. Weird, huh?

23. I have traveled to every state in the union except Florida. I've been to Alaska and Hawai'i' - Hawai'i three times. I really have no desire to go to Florida.

22. I would venture to say I've seen, encountered, etc. more famous people, movies stars, celebrities, musicians than anyone I know. I've never approached one or spoken to any one of them (we don't count The Church people!) - except when I sold them books at a bookstore. This is both a law of natives of L.A. - we don't feed the celebrities, and also my own personal belief in not bugging famous people on their off time.

21. When I was 24 years old, I worked for The Walt Disney Company. Many days I ate lunch on the set of Mary Poppins. Yes, they still had part of the set up!

20. When I was 8 years old, taking a piano lesson in a wealthy section of a suburb of L.A., my 85 year old piano teacher and I were held up at gunpoint. My piano teacher had balls the size of grapefruits - she slammed the door in the gunman's face.

19. I can trace my ancestry back to the following countries: Germany, Ireland, Wales, England, Canada.

18.One of the most erotic places I feel a guy can kiss me is the inside of my hand. Don't ask. I had a boyfriend who did this once and wow!

17. I have been friends with my best friend for 33 years. When we first met, we hated each other on sight, with a passion and neither of us can remember why.

16. Among my other neuroses is my intense need to sit by the window in an airplane. Honestly, for some reason, it calms me down to be able to see the ground at all times. If I have to sit away from the window, I get really nervous. No, I don't think I'm keeping the plane up by looking at the ground. ;)

15. My great-grandfather was born in Madeburg, Germany and was a well known firgure throughout Europe. At 20 he was commissioned by King Leopold of Belgium to explore the unknown African Congo. He was also an artist and sculptor, and painted portraits of Eleanor Roosevelt and Charles Lindbergh. He had an exhibition of his most famous works at the San Diego Museum of Art. His wife, Aimee Souvee, was French Canadian. I don't know exactly when they emigrated to the U.S.

14. My favorite poet is T.S. Eliot, my favourite poem is "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, my favourite movie is Blade Runner, my favourite band is The Church, my favourite singers are Steve Kilbey and Frank Sinatra, my favourite artist is Caravaggio, my favourite Classical music piece is Beethoven's 9th Symphony/Schiller's Ode to Joy, my favourite movie director is Martin Scorsese, my favourite swear word is 'fuck', my favourite pastime is reading, my favourite animal is the cat (surprise), my favourite book is impossible to choose but it would be a toss up between The Great Gatsby, The Catcher in the Rye and The Heart of Darkness.

13. Aside from being an art history teacher, I wanted to be two things in life: an actor and a detective. I could never make it through the police academy to become a detective, but this explains my obsession with true crime, forensics and other assorted morbid interests most people find repulsive. I like looking at crime scenes - they're just mysteries to be solved.

12. I have the thickest hair of anyone on the planet. Honestly, if I had a dollar for every stylist who told me I had thick hair, I'd be a rich, rich lady.

11. My favourite city in the world so far is still New York, with London coming in a close second.

10. I have never had a 'white' Christmas. I really want to experience snow at Christmas for once in my life.

9. I have visited two celebrity graves in my life: Elvis's grave at Graceland when I was 12, and Frank Sinatra's grave in Palm Desert about 4 years ago. I so regret I never got to see Sinatra in concert.

8. The most important things I've done with my life to this date are: teaching my students, both college and elementary school, and working with survivors of suicide.

7. Of all the friends I've lost or left over the years, the one I think about the most is Heather.

6. I cry more easily than anyone I know and probably cry at least once a week. Since I started this f-ing Program, I cry a LOT now. ;)

5. I am obsessed with bedding. Seriously. I have a sad fixation on high-thread count sheets. I bought 1000 thread count sheets and now everything else feels like sandpaper! I have about 8 pillows, a down comforter, a quilt, about 10 sheet sets, and various blankets. I have an expensive pillow-top mattress and I'm always looking to make my bed more comfortable. It's kind of sick.

4. I love hotels. Really, really, really nice hotels. I've been fortunate enough to stay in several 5 star hotels in my life. Once I sent my laundry out in a hotel in Vancouver, and my t-shirts came back wrapped in tissue paper and gold ribbon in white boxes. I just stood there and said "Oh my god, this is how rich people live." Extremely nice hotels are a weakness for me.

3. I've had plastic surgery, I've been in therapy, I lived in Malibu, worked in the entertainment industry. On the surface, this doesn't really look good.

2. My most romantic fantasty is to go to the Maldives, or Fiji, and be able to stay in one of those obscenely expensive villas where you have your own private pool right by the ocean, and you can swim in the warm waters under a full moon and stars, at night, stark naked. The rest of this fantasy is private, but suffice to say, Daniel Craig is somewhat involved.

1. I hate sushi and I won't apologise for it! You raw fish eating people are all freaks!



Photo: #2 on my list - the Maldives. Ahhhhh....maybe someday.