My Life in Ruins
Yesterday in 5th period all hell broke loose. Some fucking scumbag stole my iPhone out of my purse when I was IN the room. Brazen fuck. I'm sure they're really impressed with themselves. The class was wild. I had to call three security officers.
I'm going to quit. I can't do this anymore. Last week they stole my water bottle. A fucking water bottle. I'm going to get hurt if I continue on this path.
Or I'm going to hurt someone else. With a baseball bat. To the head.
If you think I'm being harsh, you haven't spent any time with these sociopathic criminals. I will refrain from saying what I really want to say hence I offend anyone with my comments. But I could not care less if these shitheads got struck by lightning.
It's NOT the iPhone that has me so upset. I have to go file a police report today. It sucks. It's a hassle. But I can and WILL get another one and I am going to do my best to see that LAUSD risk management reimburses me for at least part of it.
I feel violated. I feel unsafe. I feel like God is telling me I am going in the wrong direction. I can't do this anymore. And yet what will I do to make money? All I have is experience teaching - for the last 10 years that's all I've done.
I know this isn't open heart surgery and I say this with ALL seriousness. But I have been so unhappy for so long and I just want to go in a new direction with my life. I don't even know where to begin.
I get to see the little thieves later today after I file the police report. Yesterday AT & T did a GPS tracking on my phone; sure enough, it was exactly where I thought it would be - near the school. While I was 45 miles away.
These kids have pathetic lives. I hope the phone makes the kid happy. Naturally I cut off all service to it and killed the SIM card inside it. But I'm sure these crafty criminals know how to fire it up again.
They threw pencils at me yesterday and basically ran around like animals. They ARE animals. Actually, I love animals and that's an insult to them.
They're bottom feeders with no place in society.
No place in society - kind of how I feel right now.
P.S. The good news in all this is that before I got control of my eating, this would've sent me on a HUGE binge. At first I almost started to think, I want to eat...and then I realized how much weight I've lost, or rather how good I feel now...and I thought do you really want to make this worse TOO? Over some scumbag gangbanger kid? So I ate a regular dinner and went to bed. I'm really proud of myself. I still probably have 20-30 pounds to lose so I am NOT thin yet....but I am a helluva lot thinner that I was a month ago.
4 comments:
Fuck. Unbelievable. Listen, this is just as important as open heart surgery since it affects your life, personal safety and well-being. Not to mention staying out of prison. You have to do what you need to survive. Is there some menial type job you can do in the meantime while you're looking for another teaching gig? I still think you should go back to the art history thing, that's the only one you've talked about with any happiness. Good luck, i love you.
**shaking my head** and they wonder why there's a shortage of teachers.
"...you haven't spent any time with these sociopathic criminals" i can only imagine. of course, i have seen a mere hint of a glimpse with it while shooting in inner-city public schools. the kids were rowdy and did not want to cooperate with me. you are sooo correct~~they are lower than animals.
i agree with s~~is there any way you can go back to teaching art history?
and, i know you will probably hate hearing this, considering that you went through hell with school, but would you consider going back to learn a new trade? like i'm doing? i have absolutely no other experience, either, besides menial office work and photography, but the school i'm at teaches you the skills you need to be able to just walk out of there and do the job. for example, right now i'm learning the actual software that doctors' offices use.
and i'm proud of you for controlling your eating during this horrible time. i would have gone on a serious chocolate binge. don't let those fucktards derail your hard-earned results.
love you
**************
oh...my....god. you will NOT believe this. i scroll down to do the word verif, and you won't believe what it is. "hyped". i am NOT making this up. in fact, i'll take a picture of it and send it to you. you have to see it to believe it.
I can't think of anything to say that hasn't already been said, except those kids and their behavior are living proof that there is something terribly wrong in this world. I surely don't know what the answer is. i think you are amazing in that you are willing to even try with these kids. I'm sorry about your iPhone, esp. a b'day gift from your mom. The violation, the insecurity and danger of it all. Fuck them. What these kids need is military school. Maybe you should change directions. Community College (art history?) or private school. Or something else altogether. Phone sex?
I hope this doesn't come off as patronizing but I'm very proud of you for the healthy eating/weight loss, and that your fucked job situation, pms etc hasn't managed to undermine your resolve.
hey~~here's an idea. while out earlier, ron and i passed by a tutoring school. have you considered being a tutor?
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