Disappearing

Yes, that's me I'm talking about - I'm slowly disappearing and praise GOD it is GREAT! Yesterday I went to the mall (ugh) and I stopped in at J. Jill. I haven't bought anything from J. Jill in eons. But I think I've probably lost somewhere in the range of 10-15 pounds and oh my GOD I actually fit into a MEDIUM sized blouse! The angels were singing and I didn't want to weep so badly whilst looking at my body in the dressing room. Why? Because I could see my old body coming back....very slowly, ok I'm not too toned, but I can see it in there! I'm so proud of myself. I always lose weight pretty fast when I want to - I'll hit a plateau at some point but I felt like Scarlett O' Hara yesterday as I walked out of the store with my new purchases and I wanted to yell "AS GOD IS MY WITNESS I WILL NEVER BE FAT AGAIN!" Really. I mean, I know it's not cool and all to rail against fat, but on my body, personally, I hate hate hate hate hate it and find it disgusting. My biggest hope? That my boobs shrink back down to their lovely 36C size. Praying to the Boob God, haha. I still have a LONG way to go...but just seeing a hint of what I used to be is enough to keep me from binging on anything. Truly, I feel lighter already and it's amazing.

I also managed somehow, with the help of my friend Peri, to start studying for the RICA test I have on February 10th. It's my LAST standardized test for the Program and it tests us on our ability to competently teach children to read. I am such a huge literacy advocate that studying for this isn't too painful. It's not calculus.

It rained today. I'm sure it'll still be freezing cold here tonight. California has lost a ton of money with the citrus industry. My mom's flowers died and her grass was covered in ice. I do not remember a time when it was so cold here. Personally, I like it. It's like an actual SEASON for once. Even though I generally find January and February desperately depressing, at least I know it's winter.

The bad news: I watched American Idol for the first time last night. Oh my god, it's like a train wreck you cannot stop watching. These tryouts are so embarrassing. I cringe and yet cannot turn the channel. I have hit a new TV low. Why doesn't Paula Abdul just come clean and tell people what she's on? Because clearly the woman is either on medication, taking street drugs or drinking. She is whacked out.

I am toying with the idea of going to London and the English countryside in late June. Or sometime after the Program ends. Who knows though. The strike could send us all into an entirely different schedule and then I will have to resort to serious violence. Ok, I'm kidding about that last part, but really.

I attended my first Buddhist meditation class Monday night. I really liked it. The whole point of me doing this is so I won't feel the need to commit acts of violence against the Idiots I am forced to work under and with. LOL! Ahhh, radical acceptance....letting go....

I have to go exercise and study. This is an entirely different post from my last one and don't ask me how I got motivated to do something -anything - because I really don't know. It could all end tomorrow and I could be back on the couch slipping into indifference. You never know.