MadameBastet-firing-neurons

MadameBastet-firing-neurons

It dawned on me that I never listed my 1o Favourite Things About Life, and I need to balance out the negativity with some positive vibes here. So here are....

10 Things I Love About Life (in no particular order really)

10) Animals. Especially, as everyone knows, cats, and little dogs. I must've been an Egyptian in a past life; my love of cats borders on wackiness. And yes, I'm coming out of the closet as a small dog lover. What I *really* adore are Jack Russell Terriers. I guess those would come under the heading of "Little Crazy-Ass Hyper Dogs." I know I probably could never handle one, but I see them, and I melt. I'm a pile of goo. I just adore wittle bitty dogs. I do like Labs too. I think animals are one of God's greatest gifts to us. It does bother me that I am not a vegetarian. I don't like to think of any animal suffering. But I can't seem to subsist on a purely vegetarian diet. Anyway, I think a lot of times I love animals more than people. Someday I hope to have a house with a big yard so I can get a dog. I won't trap a dog in my little apartment; plus Zoe and Fletcher would probably attack the poor thing. Especially Zoe. She knows she's momma's girl; she's sleeping on my spot in bed now. I gaze at animals the way other people gaze at babies. Screwy.

9) Music. Where would I be without music? Some of the great moments of my life have been listening to music at concerts. I'll never forget my first real rock concert. 1986 at the Hollywood Palladium. It was like a drug; I was hooked. Music has saved me, it has been with me as I've grown up from a really scary kid to an even scarier teenager to a fairly decent functioning adult. Music has given me, what I like to call, "Top of the Triangle" moments. In college, we learned over and over about Abraham Maslow's "hierarchy of needs." At the top of the triangle, was self-actualization. I feel like it is nirvana, bliss, almost leaving your body and going into another state of being. Some concerts have done that for me. And yeah, love 'em or hate 'em, The Church are always, always going to be The Band for me. Not The Band with Robbie Robertson, haha. But The Band apart from all other bands; the music apart from all other music. Stupid bastards. I've loved 'em, I've hated them. I've even pseudo-fought with Marty and turned my back on them. But if anything has been the soundtrack to my entire life for the last 22 years, it's the music of The Church. Their music has found a place in my soul where nothing else has ever been. There are holes in my soul, and that music filled one of them, and for that, I guess I should be grateful, no matter how irritated I get with them sometimes.

8) Men. Oh god, this is a complex one. Because ya know, naturally I love 'em and hate 'em sometimes. But biology will out I suppose. So many things to love about men. When you're in love, it's everything they do that you love. Of course there are the obvious things; the sex, the kissing, the intimacy, the meeting of minds. Sometimes I like to think of men as great works of art; if I find a man attractive, I just like to look him. It doesn't even have to be in a sexual way. I just like appreciating their beauty. But they still need to learn to ask directions, put the seat down, and why do I meet so many men allergic to cats? Damn. I can't be throwin' the furry babies out. I like the fact that I want a man, but I never feel I need to have a man validate me. Also, I need a MAN man. I'm not quite sure what that means. Not in a John Wayne sort of way - let's put it this way - my last serious relationship - this guy wanted to move in here, and get married. It wasn't going to work for various reasons, but the worst one was that I was more of man than he was about too many things. Is that sexist? Oh well. So be it.

7) Laughter. This may seem odd, coming from someone whose blogs often read like Sylvia Plath's diary. But I love to laugh. I have an entire collection of comedy DVD's I watch constantly because hey, Reader's Digest said it best, laughter IS the best medicine. Laughing with your friends over stupid stuff is great. Laughing so hard you can't breathe, your stomach hurts and you get that fabulous endorphin rush - beautiful. I don't think scientists know why we laugh. WHO CARES? It feels good.

6) Philanthropy of mind and body and spirit. Sure, I admire Bill and Melinda Gates for the money they give to make the world better. But it's people like Medecins san Frontiers - people who put their own lives and health at risk to help others I admire. They are my heroes. It's easy to give money away. It's harder to dedicate your life to people living in war, poverty, disease. I admire anyone who sincerely tries to make this crazy world a better place, no matter how small. Whether it's by helping sick people, writing a beautiful piece of music, holding a dying person's hand, taking in a stray animal, teaching a difficult child...sure, there's something in it for everyone, there always is...but as Martha Stewart says, it's a good thing.

5) Art - Naturally this would have to be here. Why would I bust my butt to get an M.A. in art history if I didn't adore art? Especially paintings. Especially the art of the Baroque period, the Renaissance and the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Caravaggio, Rembrandt, Caracci, Vermeer. I almost wept when I saw The Death of the Virgin by Caravaggio in the Louvre. Manet's Absinthe Drinker. Renoir's beautiful young girls. Raphael's sweet Madonnas. The Dadaists, the Surrealists, those crazy Futurists. Frida Kahlo. Ernst, Dali, Marc. David Hockney's swimming pools. Degas' dancers. And naturally, the greatest sculptor who ever lived...Michelangelo. The Pieta. To see that in St. Peter's is to see the face of God. Such brilliance is almost incomprehensible. My art. How I miss it sometimes.

4)Family and friends. Oh sure, half of them are nuts and those half you're usually related to. Half the time they drive you crazy, and you probably drive them crazy. But as independent and anti-social as I can be, where would I be without my family and friends? My parents, who sacrificed so much for me so I could have so much opportunity. My brother, who despite ignoring my emails for weeks on end, is the only other person in the world, who knows me so well, who remembers my dad like I do. My mom, who is my hero, despite some wretched fights we've had. And my friends, present, future and past. They put up with me. They love me. The infuriate me. I infuriate them. We laugh, we cry, we shop, we eat, we trade war stories and we help each other through life. I'm starting to sound like a fuckin' Hallmark card here.

3) Traveling. It's tough, traveling. Especially as you get older, you get more settled in your ways, you get extremely attached to your own, perfect bed. (That would be my perfect bed). If you hate to fly, like I do, it makes it even harder. Also, with the unpredictability of my fibro, traveling can be rough on me. But I wouldn't trade my travels for anything. Traveling is the best education a person can have. God, just open your eyes, your mind, take in other cultures, be open, talk to other people, see the great art of the world, the great buildings, the history, the magic, the wonder of it all. I've traveled extensively through America, which I think more Americans should do. Geographically, this is a magnificent country, with some fantastic people. I hope someday to return to Europe, and to go to South America, Africa and Australia. I don't care how tired I get, how badly I hurt, I'll never stop traveling as long as I'm able to.

2)Books. Well if you know me, you know I love reading. And books. And bookstores. I'm like a junkie with a book habit. I used to read mostly fiction. Then suddenly I became a non-fiction person. So now I mostly read true crime, history, biographies, current affairs, etc. I cannot imagine not reading. I love the look of books, the feel of books, the weight of books. I can't throw any book out. Moving is a total bitch because of my books. I've left most of them in the huge library wall in my mom's living room. And still I have a ton of books all over the apartment. I've been in loving with reading ever since I learned to read. Books ARE your friends. I actually KNOW people who don't like to read. They don't read. I don't know how they live. Are they aliens? Maybe I read too much. But it soothes my soul. It is travel by thought. By the way, I HATE that song. HATE. It is not only the Church's worst song, it is one of the worst songs of all time.

1) Life itself. Well, I guess it sounds stupid, but again, given the sorry nature of so many of my blogs, and my tendency towards low-grade depression, you'd think I'd be kinda down on life. Yeah, I find it hard sometimes. I don't like chronic pain. I've had a few seriously tragic moments in my life. But despite it all, the good, the bad, the ugly, I can still say, it's fucking worth it. It's a grab bag - we don't know the cards we're dealt and sometimes I want to pound the earth with frustration and sadness...but I wouldn't opt out for anything. What's the alternative? As much as I long to believe in an afterlife, and sometimes do...I can't imagine it at all. So I get scared. Because who knows? This life is all we do know, and all we have. And for better or worse, this may be it. I hope not. I do long for something after this; I've always felt this was just part of the deal; that this is leading up to something else. But even if it isn't, this is it. I'm glad I'm along for the ride.