Funeral Blues - Stream of Consciousness Style

Saturday afternoon
Overcast, humid, the skies leaning towards weeping
But alas, no
Dry as a bone
Funeral for Helen Headley
My best friend's grandmother
87, died on February 2
So why the funeral on February 21
Don't ask! The story is long
the wait longer

Beautiful old Scottish chapel
Wee Kirk O' The Heather
Lovely service
I sniffle because I cry at anything and everything
Beautiful casket (I have a thing for classy wooden caskets)
Even more beautiful yellow roses covering casket
Yellow flowers everywhere
Why that's my favorite color
Not to mention my favorite flower
I think the spray I bought looks particularly lovely
If I do say so myself

Moon River is played at the opening of the DVD montage
A life in pictures, melodies
Hey, that's my song, I wanted it at my yet-to happen wedding
Notice the positive
Don't want to accentuate the negative
Helen is gone
I've known her for over 30 years
Photos of her wedding, her children,
Her dead daughter Sue - breaking my heart
It broke hers to outlive two children
Photos of her smiling grandchildren, her baby great grandchildren
When Roseanne Cash sings "I'll be watching you from above
Because long after life, there is love"

I want to sob.

Inevitably I start thinking about my own life,
my own funeral
Who will be there to carry me down?
Who will bury me, play songs for me, make sure it's
yellow roses and the right prayers and I don't have children
so who will do all of this if I grow really old
So yes, Helen was 87 - old enough to go
My grandmothers lived to be almost 95
I figure I will be like them or kick off at 60, haha
You never know
Will they show pictures of my cats? Haha

She had 29 beloved cats
Though not all at once!!
Listen to her son speak
Her granddaughter
Her grandson
How do I want to be remembered?
What do I want to be remembered for?
What do I want people to say about me?

What if it happens sooner than I think?
Next year or five years from now - God forbid
Should I write down my wishes
Is that morbid?
Not anymore, not at this age
Like a Boy Scout
Always be prepared!
Or something like that

What is this life
So short, so small
Even if we are to meet some grand clockmaker in the sky
I don't understand all the machinations
on this spinning ball
Years and years and laughter and tears and love and hate
and pictures to document it all

What's it all for
What does it matter then
Why do I still ask the unanswerable questions
I know the silence that will come back to me

The interment short and sweet
On a hill overlooking the city
A bagpiper wails Amazing Grace
So beautifully sad
I stumble up the hill in my heels
And cling to the grass as the pastor
Reminds us there will be no more tears
no more sorrow, no more pain, no more suffering

The funeral official announces the reception
at a local Scottish restaurant
An institution - been around since 1922
One year younger than dear Helen
I'm hungry and thirsty and am ready to leave

I don't know
Maybe cremation is the way to go.