MadameBastet-Firing-Neurons
Wisdom Is A Useless Currency When Your Heart Is Breaking
I want yesterday back and tomorrow in my arms now
I want positive test scores and negative
medical results
I want the freedom of ignorance, oh sweet Jesus
how I long for this bliss
I want the ignorance of youth, the
innocence of years not yet lived
I want my old body back
The one that didn't hurt 24/7
The one that wasn't always tired
I want to stop feeling this awful ache
This long, deep bitter want inside of me...
For what I do not even know.
I want movies to be real and reality
to be an illusion
I want to stop asking the questions
and be content with few answers
I want my three pound universe to
slow down
I want a wall between myself and the
world
I want to stop crying everytime I see
the news
I want to bring back ghosts
I want to hug my father again, I want
to smell him, and hear him say my name
I want to take away the 15 years of agony
he went through
I want to change the fucking rules of the game
I want to go back and undo so much
I want to scream, don't split the atom
Don't ignore that invasion, pay attention
to men who taking flying lessons but never
want to learn to land
I want to scream until my throat is bleeding
I want to evacuate the innocents
I want revenge on the perpetrators
I want to stop feeling everything for just
one lousy day
I want songs inside of me; I want to
be the music itself
I want to turn back the clock and go
back in time
I want to say Dad I love you
just one more time.
I want to visit my grandma, now 11 years gone
I want to hang on to the flow, but it's gone before
I know
I want to heal myself and love myself
I want someone to tell me "Everything's going to be OK"
And God in Heaven, I want to believe it again.
I want to know the men whose hands built those
glorious buildings
I want to know why all my heroes are dead men
I want to take away the sadness, the pain, the grief
from everyone I've ever met
I want to stop asking the questions
for which there will never be answers
I want to stop the desire
the root of my suffering
I want to love my animals and never
ever have to bury them
I want all my yesterdays back
I want to know it can be better
than this
I was told by a friend there's a whole lot of hurt
before you get to the bliss
I want to know the bliss is real
I want to know I won't disappear
I want to know what this place is
A school? An illusion? A veil of tears?
I want my sweet 6 year olds to stay 6
I want to climb inside paintings
and sneak inside books
I want the inside scoop
I want the hidden looks
I want things I don't even know yet
And I don't know why I want them
I want to stop wanting
I want to be a child again.
4 comments:
there is so much that each one of us wants to "rewind"....sometimes i think it's unfair that the time continuum only moves in the forward direction.
I want i want i want... to relive the last 36 hours. To say all the things i forgot to say. To thank everyone i wanted to thank again and again. To still be swiping at mozzies outside the Park West with you. To feel like i don't need a full body cast right now. To remember this view outside my aunt's apartment on Lake Shore Drive. To equate this place, the land of my birth, with who i am. To be driving with Holly up to Milwaukee again (and making our way to the club despite all the construction). To see the shows again, to feel the love. To wipe some of what happened from my mind forever because it was so very unpleasant (more on that in person, hun), and to always hold some of what happened because it was so intense and special.
To take it all with me.
You think and feel too much and too deeply. Just go on to numb mindless autopilot like the majority of your fellow man, and things will be OK. Nothing to see here, move along...
Nice writing, as always. I understand the frustrations.
dw
Nice writing you have here, I can really relate. The title says it all, and it's something very near to me now too. Take care, Tony
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