MadameBastet-Firing-Neurons

Apparently, Today is About Me, and My PMS

Yes, it's come. How can I tell? Because I'm like a fucking clock.
10-12 days before my period, I start becoming REALLY unglued.
I don't just have PMS, I have that DISORDER...where the PMS
makes my life Hell. I've just recently been trying to deal with it
in different ways. Knowing when it arrives helps me understand
why I am SO FUCKING ANGRY AND UPSET!

I have read about the refugees today, and reading about the way
those two missing U.S. soldiers were found makes me want to vomit.
It had to be a vicious revenge killing for the U.S. killing al-Zarqawi.
And when I mentioned how horrible it must be for the families' of these
two soldiers, to know how their children were killed and mutiliated beyond
all appearances, my friend said, "Well al-Zarqawi probably had a family too."

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! Of course he did. And for anyone innocently connected to that madman, I am very sorry for them. I did not condone
bombing al-Zarqawi. I never condoned starting this fucking nightmare of a war in the first place.
But in fairness, come ON. al-Zarqawi was a MONSTER on the level of SATAN
compared to two young soldiers who, as far as I know, didn't behead civilians, or dedicate their lives to the cause of wiping out every last Muslim.
This war sickens me. And death begets death. But I will not EVER compare a man who killed Muslims, women, children, babies, HIS OWN PEOPLE - to two young kids who probably never dreamt they'd end up fighting a corrupt, immoral war and who died, desecrated and mutiliated.

So now we see. And we will kill them. And they will kill us. And when will it end?
When will it END?

I also found out the Big Pharma Co. near my house lets its employees stay at the Ritz-Carlton on a business trip. THE RITZ-CARLTON! Even their corporate rates are outrageous! How do I know this? My friend's husband works for them and managed to make it impossible for them to stay anywhere else. Don't ask me how this works. When your Rx meds go up and up and up and up...whether you take the Pill, anti-depressants, cancer drugs or blood pressure meds, remember what Big Pharma is doing with all its profits.
FUCKING CORPORATE WHORES. I am so angry about this, and I know I shouldn't be because there is nothing I can do. It's not like I didn't know the pharmaceutical companies were in bed with the Devil. It infuriates me though to even think I know someone who would manipulate the company into letting them stay at the most expensive hotel in the city. I hope they all rot in hell with their profits.

And no, I am no saint, I am not pure, I am not perfect. I have lived a life of some material wealth but I have seen that it gets you fucking nowhere. I have had the most precious things stolen from me - my health, my father, my peace. I would give everything I owned away for a life without anymore pain and fatigue. I am studying to be a teacher. I have been a teacher. I should be smart enough to not regress to the level of a 10 year old who stomps her feet and says "The world is not fair! The world is not fair!"

But that's how I feel today. My dad would say, "Fair? Fair? A fair is a place with cows and pigs and chickens..." I know there's no fair. Hormones make me want to cry over it.

Maybe I won't even have to worry about it, seeing how this North Korean missile thing is going. So we're mulling shooting down their missile. Ah yes, good times!

21,000 more troops notified for Iraq deployment. The world had gone stark raving mad. I hate myself for getting so emotional. I hate myself for being so naive sometimes. I know I will be better tomorrow. I am just in a lot of pain today, and the hormones are raging.

Sometimes I wish I could be more like some friends I have, and not care about these things. They seem to lead an easier life. Less tears, less depression. Less sadness.

One friend jokes about my 'goat' for Christmas. Last Christmas I asked my friends to get me something from Oxfam - a charity where you can buy food, trees, goats, etc. for people in villages who desperately need this stuff. I know it's a joke to her, but I don't want anymore gifts. I can't seem to get that through anyone's head. I have enough crap to last me three lifetimes. It's just a joke to some people.

No one spent more money on more shit growing up than I did. But I saw in the end that none of it made me happy. None of it could get me the things I really wanted. Love, health, family. You don't have to be Donald Trump to realize that all the gold in the free world isn't going to solve all your problems. I want enough money to be comfortable, enough to give some away to charity, enough to buy a few books and CD's and any medicine I need, and keep my cats happy.

My friend told me to go to Africa and teach. You know, I just might do that.
Because what if the whole world fell apart and no one gave a shit?