41

Not much to say today. It's my 41st birthday. Not having any blowout bash like last year. At peace with turning 41 - ha what choice do I have? Celebrating the fact that as difficult as the last year has been - and God, it's been hard (losing a best friend, sliding into a despair last summer that almost brought me to the brink of feeling totally insane and then...getting what I thought was a dream job - and well, you know the rest)...I am still here

I am still alive
I am still relatively healthy
I still have my wonderful mum
I have a gorgeous new niece
I have two spoiled but loving, life-saving cats who brighten my every day and night
I have about 12 students who bring me joy on a daily basis and who I shall miss dearly come June
I have my integrity
I have kept my dignity
I have perservered
I have not quit
I have tried my best to take the high road at all times
I have money
I have a place to live
I have enough food to eat
I do have some beautiful people
who enrich my soul and keep me going
A shout out to those kind beings -
Veleska, S, Thomas, Cheri, Brittany
I have someone I can talk to professionally about my job
I have the ability to get a fabulous massage every now and again
I have a brother who does make an effort to care
I have a cousin who's fought cancer and sends me a birthday card so rich with kindess and sentiment I am brought to tears
I have books to read, the eyes to read them with
I have the meds I need to keep my chronic pain at bay so I can work and function
I have a fabulous hairdresser who charges me next to nothing to make me a beautiful blonde goddess - Ok, so maybe not a goddess, but keeps me in highlights and out of the dreary gray mess my head would normally be in
I do have some parents who've been nothing but supportive of me at work
I have the knowledge that I'm human, I've made mistakes, but I've done nothing but try my very best for 31 young beings that depend on me 7 hours a day, five days a week
I have the luxury to spend time seeking spiritual enlightenment and fulfillment and not have to spend every waking moment simply tryng to survive


I have an uncertain future, I have doubts and fears and insane feelings of being out of control but I have the means to deal with all of these

Another year has passed. I am still here. I have the present moment and nothing else. For this I am grateful.
Thanks to all who write me, support me, encourage me, call me, put up with my flakey-ness, my falling off the face of the earth...

You are the best gift a gal could ask for.

Thank you.