MadameBastet-Firing-Neurons

Middle School P.E. Class: Fitness for a Fat Generation or Institutionalized, State-Sanctioned Torture?

I'm gonna go for the second choice, because my GOD how I despised P.E. way back in the day. Oy! I had Mr. Oliver one year and I swear he was straight outta the Marines or something. I still fear him. Let's face it, I stunk at sports and pretty much anything athletic. And P.E.? My God, except for maybe 6th, there was no good period to have it. You'd get all sweaty and gross and if you didn't want to shower in front of anyone (and gee, at 13, or 14, who does?) you'd have to just get back in your clothes at the end of it and move on to the next period.

I was taken back to my early '80's nightmares today as we were told to go down to the field and observe a P.E. class at the middle school I'm working/studying at. We had uniforms we had to buy, with our names stitched on them in - get this - cursive. White tops and blue shorts for the girls. The boys had reversible gold/blue T-shirts - the colours of our school. Every Monday we had to roll 'em out for Mr. Oliver and show him that they were clean. God that man could yell. I stood there today and Mr. Chapman didn't have to yell because he had a whistle and better yet, a bullhorn. Man, I want a bullhorn. He needed one too. The kids are, yes, sadly apathetic and totally refuse to or are unable to follow directions. They couldn't do a three minute run correctly so he made them run over and over and over until he was satisfied. Then they did push-ups, sit-ups and stretches. Well, half-assed versions of them. I was flashing back like I was on ACID! Then they got to play hockey. On the asphalt. For about three minutes. Because Mr. Chapman spent all his time disclipining the students, they got no real time for P.E. Now we never got to play hockey. I had to play volleyball and softball and I tried to hide from every ball I could. Sometimes we stayed in the gym and did the balance beam and climbed the rope. I sucked at that too. Mr. Oliver loved to make us run around the entire school. I remember saying "If we fall down off school property because he made us run I'm suing!" God, 14 and already thinking about my first lawsuit.

Honestly, it's really sad. The kind of P.E. they do with kids is bullshit. My friend Peri got a degree in kinesiology or whatever they call it but she won't teach P.E. because she agrees it's bullshit. I'm telling you. Fuck Gitmo; get those high-priority terrorists out on the hot asphalt, get a middle school P.E. teacher on their ass and we'd have Osama in no time flat. I felt badly for the kids, even though they were misbehaving. I related to their torture in a decidedly personal manner.

Mr. Oliver eventually married another P.E. teacher at our school, Miss Jensen. What's really sad is that one of their children, a son, died a few years ago in an accident. I was so sad for them...and I'd finally grown up enough to realize Mr. Oliver wasn't a monster...just a teacher and a human being. I still think of him a lot. I could be wrong, but he might still be at my middle school.

I still hate P.E. and really am trying my best to block out the haunting memories.

On a happier note, I did my presentation of children's literature today in my Reading/Writing class. I presented my great Halloween book, called The Twisted Sistahs which is about the very first Halloween started by these three witch sisters who are looking for men and throw a big party for their suitors on October 31st, but then decide the men are so idiotic they just decide to keep throwing a massive party every October 31st. The entire story is kind of long, and rhymes and it's a riot, and so are the pictures. At the end, my professor was laughing and said, "D, all you were missing was the costume!" I admitted that yes, I'd wanted to be an actor when I was younger. So that was my highly dramatic reading of the day.

Speaking of acting, one of my new favourite shows is on tonight...the one with Mr. Tim Hutton, "Kidnapped." Yay. Something to look forward to that doesn't involve a damned book. What's scary is I realized the kidnap retrieval specialist the Cain family hired to get back their son is the actor Jeremy Sisto, who I first saw many years ago when I was in my early 20's and he was in his late teens in the movie Grand Canyon. I distinctly remember seeing that with my friend Jill, and how she remarked how cute he was. Fifteen years later, I agree! I'm like, shit, what happened to that kid? When did he become a man? A smokin' hot man? Although I will say his face looks really big. I mean, huge. Like his head is bigger than normal. He's the only man I've ever seen that I think looks better with facial hair. I'm sure if I saw him in person the first thing I'd say is, "Oh he's so small." That happens with almost every famous person I see. TV and film magically makes people huge. Although I really do think Jeremy might have a significantly bigger face than most of us. I like this show, so naturally, I'm waiting for it to be cancelled. I'm a cynic, I know. A cynic who likes to read children's fairytales about Halloween, and who hates P.E. Go figure.

Photo: Jeremy Sisto in "Kidnapped."