MadameBastet-Firing-Neurons

This Too Shall Pass

Oh I was so looking forward to writing a happy blog,
a blog with a story, a blog with a point (ha), a blog that
was interesting and informative, like my friend Catzy's
blogs. But today just isn't gonna be that kinda bloggy day
sorry to say.

My pain therapist wants me to write a letter to my pain.
I think today would be a good day to do that. Two or three
times a year, I have such a bad flare up that lasts for days,
I can barely function. This is one of those times, sadly. I want
to be up and out and doing things, because I cannot stand
lying around. I cannot stand this motherf***** getting me down.
I fight the good fight and I usually win. But I'm going to
Chicago in 9 days and I need to get better fast. So I'm forcing
myself to be good, rest, take vitamins, do yoga, stretching,
think good thoughts. It's hard. I had myself my Official Good
Cry earlier. Crying really hard when the pain is this bad seems
to be my only real release. I gave in and took enough pills to
try and knock down the Beast a bit. You know, after all these
years, I should be used to it, but damn, it's so hard.

My apologies to all those I owe emails to, and actual real
snail mail...I promise to get to it as soon as I feel a little
better.

I talked to my brother Steven yesterday before he went
to the Church show in Atlanta. I never, never, never said
a word to him about the Asshole who has taken to occasionally
ragging on me really hard on SK's blog (for reasons I don't know
- it could be a psycho I used to know, it could be someone
that just doesn't like me - whatever). Anyway, Steven
actually mentioned it to ME! I was stunned he'd noticed.
I feel embarrassed on SK's blog now. I shouldn't give a damn
one way or another, but I do. I admit it. I don't want SK to think
I am causing any trouble, so I'm ignoring this dick and I told
my brother to please do the same. But I guess he felt he just
had to say something - and he did. At first I was like, Steven,
you shouldn't have done that. But then I found it sweet, because
my brother and I are close, but sometimes have had some serious
differences. I see though when it counts, he'll be there for me, even
if he's just swearing on SK's blog, haha.

I bought my textbooks online (how cool is THAT!) today for
two out of my four classes (two classes had no textbook info.)
Get this peeps....one textbook for my Psychology of Teaching
class is $175. ONE BOOK. If I had the energy, I'm sure I'd
be outraged. I'm just numb. The grand total for two classes:
$342.00. I could go to Chicago twice! Waddaya gonna do? You
can't fight it. Now I know what all my poor students were going
through at the colleges I taught. I mean, I knew, but now I really
KNOW.

I went to Ilkka's graduation at Pepperdine. I thought it would
be emotional but strangely it wasn't. I felt totally detached. God
graduations are BORING. Even if you're the one graduating.
It was a GORGEOUS day in Malibu. I can't believe how much the
university has grown since I graduated there 17 years ago. I
looked around, but it was like another person went there, all those
years ago, not me. It was like I was getting flickers of someone
else's memories but they didn't affect me. I was glad I was beyond it.
Getting older isn't easy, especially with health issues, but you
know what? I don't want to be 22 again. I have no desire to go back.
They were great days, but they're gone. My job now is to create
great days for me NOW...and I plan to...especially in 11 days!
God it was beautiful though. I've can't believe I used to LIVE there,
and see the ocean everyday. The sad thing about life is, you acclimate
to everything eventually. Despite the fact I saw that gorgeous blue
Pacific everyday, I think I actually stopped seeing it afer a while.
It was good to see how amazingly beautiful this planet can be,
especially with all the sadness and ugliness going on in the world
now.

So I'm really happy for SK and the boys and the good show in
Atlanta. MWP sounds better - that must've been a freaky
experience. Eek I am soooooooooooooooooooo jealous you
get to see the band so many times, and yet I realise I am
being GREEDY! I mean, this is my all-time favourite band
in the world - for the last 23 years! And I got to eat dinner with
them, and hang out with them, and talk with them, and
help them, and see things I never would've seen....two
soundchecks, a thousand T-shirts folded...I met so many
great people...Rob D. that sexy and funny and sweet man,
and Robert Rankin Walker (my husband in another life),
and Jeff Cain (a riot, a sweetie) and Peter and Tim, who I'd
never really talked to before....and Tiare and I even saw a
side of MWP I'd never seen before...ahem...heee heee and
all the great fans I met while manning the
merch tables....it was a dream come true and it all came out
of an errand I agreed to do for SK....really all because of the Senior
Siren of Antenna! Thank you my sweet for that gift. So I
ok, I'm not jealous....YOU of all PEOPLE deserve your trip
and I hope it is all you imagined and more. I can't wait to
see you guys in the Windy City.

Zoe's doing great after having two teeth extracted. She
wants to eat all my food as usual. Fletcher's only hissing
at her about twice a day now, haha.

What is chi gong? Is that how you spell it? SK always
talks about that. I must Google it.

Well, that about sums up life in Madame's household today.
The goal is staying positive in spite of everything. These are the
times I am severely reminded that money means nothing; it
cannot give me the things I really want and need...relief from
the Beast....and I realise people mean everything. That's where my
true blessings are. Thank you to all who've brought me joy and
laughter...Eek, Catzy, Sandy, Steven, SK, RRW, Sue C, Daniel,
Thomas, Jill, Veleska, Tamar, Gena, Ilkka, Mary, Ellen, my
two furry true loves...and Bucks Burnett, who I really don't
know but who makes me laugh my ass off and that's worth
all the money in the free world. Friends who are near and friends
who are far. Doesn't matter. You guys keep me going in the darkest
days and nights. Thank you. I love you all for that.

Photo Credit: Corbis Free Royalty - Chicago....in 9 days baby, it's gonna be MY kind of town!