Happy Three Year Blog Anniversary Baybee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just looked at my blog and realized I began writing it on March 12, 2006. And this is my 200th blog. Whooooooohooooooooo! 2006 seems like a whole other lifetime. I hadn't even started The Evil Program That Almost Destroyed Me. I hadn't worked at The Evil Elementary School With Spoiled, Psychotic Children. My life was quite different. But I am done with all that crap and so much happier than I was 3 years ago. I'm still mired in exams and looking for a job but I have more hope and a better outlook that I did in 2006, 2007 and 2008.
The wilderness years. I seem to go through a lot of them.
I'm burning CD's and avoiding my linguistics book. I'm so burned out (no pun intended) on studying. Fried brains. I wish it was all over!
I read on SK's blog the Church have cancelled concerts due to 'illness in the band.' That is kind of concerning. I don't know the Church to be the kind of band that often, if ever, cancels concerts. I wonder what's happening. Whatever it is, I hope it isn't too serious.
S and I are talking about seeing the band together. Frankly that'd be awesome but more awesome would just be hanging out with S again! It's been 2 and 1/2 years. Too long!
Ha, now that I've been mired in linguistics I look at every word I type and think it looks funny and wonder how it got to be the way it is. The Great Vowel Shift? The Black Death? You'd be amazed at the things that have shaped the English language. I rather enjoy reading up on linguistics; I just don't enjoy being FORCED to take a test on it.
OMG, I had the worst - I mean the WORST insomnia last night. I even took the full two Tylenol PM and didn't go to sleep until almost 6 am. Why? I don't fucking have a clue. I've been watching my caffeine intake like a hawk. It really is its own form of hell, insomnia. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies. Well, there are some people I might wish a few sleepless nights on. Hee.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Little Addictions
1. Pepsi - This is one of my worst habits because it's usually NOT diet. I really don't like diet drinks; although oddly right now I am drinking diet Pepsi because it's all I have. My dad used to drink about 7,000 Pepsi's a day, I swear. It's the caffeine AND the sugar I love. Even more the sugar - because I started drinking caffeine-free Pepsi years ago. I can't live without the sugar and yet it's sooooooooooooooooo bad for you.
2. Anything salty, greasy or fried. Is it a wonder I love the food in the South so much? I cannot have these in the house or they're gone in two seconds: Any kind of potato chips, Doritos, pistachio nuts, pretzels, anything you can heat up that's greasy and fried. Donuts too, even though they're sweet.
3. Traveling: I admit, one of the reasons I LOVE being on a school calendar is the time off I get so I can travel. Even to ATLANTA - so I can see my niece. Or to Palm Springs so I can sit by the pool with a fruity drink and relax. I really, really want to go back to Europe but that's not going to happen until I get a full-time job. I hate flying and hate long car trips and yet love going other places - the more foreign the better. I loved Rome sooooooooooooooooo much! I can't wait to go back to Italy. Rome is a wild ride. I want to visit so many countries, especially Ireland, Belgium, Sweden, Switzerland and I desperately want to go back to London.
4. Books: Anyone who knows me well knows my obsession with books and reading. I love everything about books. I could not, nor would I want to, live without books and reading. I love buying books, owning books, going into second-hand bookstores, feeling the pages of ancient books with their oh-so-fragile pages and the smell of history permeating their covers and spines...I have probably bought and read literally thousands and thousands of books since I was 18. I've tried going to libraries but they never have what I want to read or I don't want to be limited to two weeks to keep a book, or I'd take home a book and something scary and gross would be on it. I know I've spent waaaaaay too much money on books. Sometimes I regret it. It's a bitch to move with so many books. So I've had to give away the majority of my collection. Books are your friends. They've kept me sane and kept me entertained and kept me happy my whole life. My biggest thrill in elementary school was going to the library and getting to visit the bookmobile. Judy Blume was my hero. Thank you God, for books.
5. Slot machines: Ok, I know S had this on her list, but seriously, get me near these and I can't stop playing. I used to have more control over myself. I fall into the idiotic category of the gambler who is just POSITIVE the NEXT SPIN is going to be THE ONE where I win big. I'm a moron I know. The house ALWAYS wins. I can't wait to go to Palm Springs. They have a casino across the street from the hotel we're staying at. My mom always abandons me and I can sit at a slot machine for hours, pulling that lever like a dumb-ass monkey in a laboratory. I'm pathetic.
6. Movies: I have probably seen more movies than all my good friends combined. I know there are SERIOUS cinephiles out there I can't even compete with, but I watch a LOT of movies. Growing up, movies were my salvation, alongside books. Can you tell I like escapism? Movies also ruined me. I grew up thinking I'd meet The One across a crowded room, that true love only took about two hours, and that Luke Skywalker was the sexiest man alive. I grew up wondering where the background music was during all my important moments in life. Seriously, movies are still a huge obsession and I don't know anyone who loves them like I do, or watches the ones I watch, over and over, and it's kind of lonely because I have no one to talk to about my movies. I am totally and utterly enamored with what I believe was one of the golden ages of film making - the 1970's. All the great directors - Spielberg, Scorsese, de Palma, Coppoloa, Woody Allen, William Friedkin, etc. were young and brave and doing their best work. So were the great actors of our day - de Niro and Pacino were young and hadn't become sad caricatures of themselves. Recently I saw a movie that I know S loves as well - The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (I think that's it) and it's just gorgeously shot and acted and when I come across a what I feel is a movie with even a tiny bit of greatness to it, I am elevated and taken to a place I can't quite describe. I first remember this happening when I was 10 years old, saw my first James Bond film, and Star Wars. Movie making has ruined me yes, but it's also saved me.
7. Martinis: It all started with the Appletinis at the Polo Lounge. Pure brilliance. Then I started drinking Cosmos, and all kinds of martinis. I think the martini is the height of alcoholic elegance. My new favourite drink is a Sidecar. If you ever get a really great Sidecar, it's like drinking the nectar of the Gods.
8. The Internet: How did I ever live without it? I first got on it via AOL when I was 26. I went 26 whole years without it! I didn't miss it, because I didn't know it existed. Now I can't get off it. It's a drug that just won't let me go. However I've met some of the best friends of my life through it, and for that, I'm eternally grateful.
9. Music: Music was beyond an obsession for me from ages 16 to about 30. After my dad died and I got sick I was on so many mind and soul-numbing drugs I lost touch with music. I remember in college, asking my mom how she just wasn't obsessed with music. I loved it so much I tried to ruin it by going into the music business. I was young and naive. I wanted to be an A and R person. I didn't know that was mostly a male-dominated field - like being a talent scout. At the time I thought I'd want to spend my whole life in smoky clubs around bands. I didn't. But I have re-discovered music and is there anything closer to Heaven?
10. Art: I'd be an idiot if I didn't include this one. I slaved for four years to get a Master's Degree in the history of art. Even if I never teach it again (which would make me sad) I will always be grateful for the knowledge I have. I am moved beyond measure by Caravaggio's Christ, by van Gogh's gorgeous yellows, by Rembrandt's sweet son Titus, by Matisse's dancing nudes, by Berthe Morisot's thick brushstrokes...by Manet's saloon girl, and Monet's haystacks. Going to Europe AFTER I had taught art history for 6 years made the experience so much sweeter for ME. I don't know if other people care - or even know what they're missing by not having so much background info on the artists. Maybe it's like the Internet...you don't miss what you never had. But I think it makes my appreciation of it all so much richer.
That's all for now. I know I have about 20 more addictions and some are worse than others but my fingers are tired.
1. Pepsi - This is one of my worst habits because it's usually NOT diet. I really don't like diet drinks; although oddly right now I am drinking diet Pepsi because it's all I have. My dad used to drink about 7,000 Pepsi's a day, I swear. It's the caffeine AND the sugar I love. Even more the sugar - because I started drinking caffeine-free Pepsi years ago. I can't live without the sugar and yet it's sooooooooooooooooo bad for you.
2. Anything salty, greasy or fried. Is it a wonder I love the food in the South so much? I cannot have these in the house or they're gone in two seconds: Any kind of potato chips, Doritos, pistachio nuts, pretzels, anything you can heat up that's greasy and fried. Donuts too, even though they're sweet.
3. Traveling: I admit, one of the reasons I LOVE being on a school calendar is the time off I get so I can travel. Even to ATLANTA - so I can see my niece. Or to Palm Springs so I can sit by the pool with a fruity drink and relax. I really, really want to go back to Europe but that's not going to happen until I get a full-time job. I hate flying and hate long car trips and yet love going other places - the more foreign the better. I loved Rome sooooooooooooooooo much! I can't wait to go back to Italy. Rome is a wild ride. I want to visit so many countries, especially Ireland, Belgium, Sweden, Switzerland and I desperately want to go back to London.
4. Books: Anyone who knows me well knows my obsession with books and reading. I love everything about books. I could not, nor would I want to, live without books and reading. I love buying books, owning books, going into second-hand bookstores, feeling the pages of ancient books with their oh-so-fragile pages and the smell of history permeating their covers and spines...I have probably bought and read literally thousands and thousands of books since I was 18. I've tried going to libraries but they never have what I want to read or I don't want to be limited to two weeks to keep a book, or I'd take home a book and something scary and gross would be on it. I know I've spent waaaaaay too much money on books. Sometimes I regret it. It's a bitch to move with so many books. So I've had to give away the majority of my collection. Books are your friends. They've kept me sane and kept me entertained and kept me happy my whole life. My biggest thrill in elementary school was going to the library and getting to visit the bookmobile. Judy Blume was my hero. Thank you God, for books.
5. Slot machines: Ok, I know S had this on her list, but seriously, get me near these and I can't stop playing. I used to have more control over myself. I fall into the idiotic category of the gambler who is just POSITIVE the NEXT SPIN is going to be THE ONE where I win big. I'm a moron I know. The house ALWAYS wins. I can't wait to go to Palm Springs. They have a casino across the street from the hotel we're staying at. My mom always abandons me and I can sit at a slot machine for hours, pulling that lever like a dumb-ass monkey in a laboratory. I'm pathetic.
6. Movies: I have probably seen more movies than all my good friends combined. I know there are SERIOUS cinephiles out there I can't even compete with, but I watch a LOT of movies. Growing up, movies were my salvation, alongside books. Can you tell I like escapism? Movies also ruined me. I grew up thinking I'd meet The One across a crowded room, that true love only took about two hours, and that Luke Skywalker was the sexiest man alive. I grew up wondering where the background music was during all my important moments in life. Seriously, movies are still a huge obsession and I don't know anyone who loves them like I do, or watches the ones I watch, over and over, and it's kind of lonely because I have no one to talk to about my movies. I am totally and utterly enamored with what I believe was one of the golden ages of film making - the 1970's. All the great directors - Spielberg, Scorsese, de Palma, Coppoloa, Woody Allen, William Friedkin, etc. were young and brave and doing their best work. So were the great actors of our day - de Niro and Pacino were young and hadn't become sad caricatures of themselves. Recently I saw a movie that I know S loves as well - The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (I think that's it) and it's just gorgeously shot and acted and when I come across a what I feel is a movie with even a tiny bit of greatness to it, I am elevated and taken to a place I can't quite describe. I first remember this happening when I was 10 years old, saw my first James Bond film, and Star Wars. Movie making has ruined me yes, but it's also saved me.
7. Martinis: It all started with the Appletinis at the Polo Lounge. Pure brilliance. Then I started drinking Cosmos, and all kinds of martinis. I think the martini is the height of alcoholic elegance. My new favourite drink is a Sidecar. If you ever get a really great Sidecar, it's like drinking the nectar of the Gods.
8. The Internet: How did I ever live without it? I first got on it via AOL when I was 26. I went 26 whole years without it! I didn't miss it, because I didn't know it existed. Now I can't get off it. It's a drug that just won't let me go. However I've met some of the best friends of my life through it, and for that, I'm eternally grateful.
9. Music: Music was beyond an obsession for me from ages 16 to about 30. After my dad died and I got sick I was on so many mind and soul-numbing drugs I lost touch with music. I remember in college, asking my mom how she just wasn't obsessed with music. I loved it so much I tried to ruin it by going into the music business. I was young and naive. I wanted to be an A and R person. I didn't know that was mostly a male-dominated field - like being a talent scout. At the time I thought I'd want to spend my whole life in smoky clubs around bands. I didn't. But I have re-discovered music and is there anything closer to Heaven?
10. Art: I'd be an idiot if I didn't include this one. I slaved for four years to get a Master's Degree in the history of art. Even if I never teach it again (which would make me sad) I will always be grateful for the knowledge I have. I am moved beyond measure by Caravaggio's Christ, by van Gogh's gorgeous yellows, by Rembrandt's sweet son Titus, by Matisse's dancing nudes, by Berthe Morisot's thick brushstrokes...by Manet's saloon girl, and Monet's haystacks. Going to Europe AFTER I had taught art history for 6 years made the experience so much sweeter for ME. I don't know if other people care - or even know what they're missing by not having so much background info on the artists. Maybe it's like the Internet...you don't miss what you never had. But I think it makes my appreciation of it all so much richer.
That's all for now. I know I have about 20 more addictions and some are worse than others but my fingers are tired.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
All or Nothing
Last Thursday I was called to a rather dicey area (aren't they all) to sub for an 8th grade teacher. He teaches Honors English. Anyway, long story short...he's on jury duty and managed to get his ass on a jury. Great! I was there Friday and the last period of the day an actual fight broke out between two animals - I mean students - in my class. It's a long story but this one kid is just the living incarnation of Satan's spawn. He was already set to do 10 minutes of detention after school (the most I can give them without their parents' permission - as if most of these parents give a shit about these kids). He skipped out on both seeing the principal AND seeing me. He doesn't think he'll see me again. I can't wait to see his face tomorrow when security comes to escort him to the principal's office. He's also going to get an hour's detention for skipping out on the 10 minutes. Should've been a man and just sucked up the 10 minutes, dickhead. If only I could say that! What a bunch of waste cases.
I did get a paycheck for almost $800 for only 29 hours of work - which is why I put up with this shit in this economy. I just can't make this kind of money doing anything else. However, I think I'll be working all this week and I have those two damned English tests Saturday. There goes anymore intense studying. By the time I get home from that zoo I'm wiped.
I'm sorry to say this, but it is a zoo. These people have no manners. I've seen animals act with more dignity. I found a note about raping a girl on the floor the other day. It had no name on it. It also mentioned jacking off to her. These kids are the future of California. I hope I get out before I'm old, to paraphrase the Who.
I got my period today and I'm sooooooooooooooo tired I'm just dragging. The time change never helps me either (I just read Veleska's blog). I have to be at school at about 6:30 a.m. too an it's going to be pitch black. Jesus. I fucking HATE the time change. Why can't the government let well enough alone. We get like 8 months in the dark in the mornings now. If you're someone who has to get up really early like myself, it's like getting up at midnight. I feel like I'm walking into Starbucks at 1 am.
I've been lying in bed trying to study grammar. Could there be a more coma-inducing subject? I think not.
Last Thursday I was called to a rather dicey area (aren't they all) to sub for an 8th grade teacher. He teaches Honors English. Anyway, long story short...he's on jury duty and managed to get his ass on a jury. Great! I was there Friday and the last period of the day an actual fight broke out between two animals - I mean students - in my class. It's a long story but this one kid is just the living incarnation of Satan's spawn. He was already set to do 10 minutes of detention after school (the most I can give them without their parents' permission - as if most of these parents give a shit about these kids). He skipped out on both seeing the principal AND seeing me. He doesn't think he'll see me again. I can't wait to see his face tomorrow when security comes to escort him to the principal's office. He's also going to get an hour's detention for skipping out on the 10 minutes. Should've been a man and just sucked up the 10 minutes, dickhead. If only I could say that! What a bunch of waste cases.
I did get a paycheck for almost $800 for only 29 hours of work - which is why I put up with this shit in this economy. I just can't make this kind of money doing anything else. However, I think I'll be working all this week and I have those two damned English tests Saturday. There goes anymore intense studying. By the time I get home from that zoo I'm wiped.
I'm sorry to say this, but it is a zoo. These people have no manners. I've seen animals act with more dignity. I found a note about raping a girl on the floor the other day. It had no name on it. It also mentioned jacking off to her. These kids are the future of California. I hope I get out before I'm old, to paraphrase the Who.
I got my period today and I'm sooooooooooooooo tired I'm just dragging. The time change never helps me either (I just read Veleska's blog). I have to be at school at about 6:30 a.m. too an it's going to be pitch black. Jesus. I fucking HATE the time change. Why can't the government let well enough alone. We get like 8 months in the dark in the mornings now. If you're someone who has to get up really early like myself, it's like getting up at midnight. I feel like I'm walking into Starbucks at 1 am.
I've been lying in bed trying to study grammar. Could there be a more coma-inducing subject? I think not.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so OVER studying for these two exams. I just can't do it - and to be honest, I haven't even studied that much. This really isn't like me. But lately I'm having a hard time concentrating on things for any real length of time. I wonder if it's the new AD. I'm blaming everything on that little fucking pill.
Seriously, I am the most academically inclined person I know, but I cannot stand to study for anymore g-damned standardized tests. I really just lucked out in passing the first two; this test on linguistics might actually get me this time and I'll fail. I can't fail because that means I'll have to study even more and even harder and my brain might explode and what a fucking mess that'll be to clean up.
It's the middle of the day and it's raining. I'm still in my pajamas. I'm sick of the rain too. Yes I am in a bad mood thank you very much. Really, I know we NEED the rain but Jesus, I want the sun. The rain can suck it for all I care. It's making me depressed and sluggish. Or that just might be my brain and the fibro. One can never tell.
I'm sleeping now because I'm drugging myself at night with Tylenol PM. I must be so sensitive to drugs though - the bottle says take 2 pills - shit, I can only take 1/2 of ONE pill and I still feel a bit hungover the next day. Two pills would probably put me in some fucked up coma.
Ok, I just tried to blow dry my hair into some shape resembling normal. Why? I'll just go out in the rain and look like Pam Grier circa 1977 in about two seconds flat.
I have no food in this place. I need to go to the store. I'm going to go get dressed and yell at the supermarket checker or something. Thank God I have therapy later. My aggression is scary today.
I'm so OVER studying for these two exams. I just can't do it - and to be honest, I haven't even studied that much. This really isn't like me. But lately I'm having a hard time concentrating on things for any real length of time. I wonder if it's the new AD. I'm blaming everything on that little fucking pill.
Seriously, I am the most academically inclined person I know, but I cannot stand to study for anymore g-damned standardized tests. I really just lucked out in passing the first two; this test on linguistics might actually get me this time and I'll fail. I can't fail because that means I'll have to study even more and even harder and my brain might explode and what a fucking mess that'll be to clean up.
It's the middle of the day and it's raining. I'm still in my pajamas. I'm sick of the rain too. Yes I am in a bad mood thank you very much. Really, I know we NEED the rain but Jesus, I want the sun. The rain can suck it for all I care. It's making me depressed and sluggish. Or that just might be my brain and the fibro. One can never tell.
I'm sleeping now because I'm drugging myself at night with Tylenol PM. I must be so sensitive to drugs though - the bottle says take 2 pills - shit, I can only take 1/2 of ONE pill and I still feel a bit hungover the next day. Two pills would probably put me in some fucked up coma.
Ok, I just tried to blow dry my hair into some shape resembling normal. Why? I'll just go out in the rain and look like Pam Grier circa 1977 in about two seconds flat.
I have no food in this place. I need to go to the store. I'm going to go get dressed and yell at the supermarket checker or something. Thank God I have therapy later. My aggression is scary today.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
This is A Grammar Classic!
A spokesperson for the Los Angeles DA's office confirmed the lack of charges, saying, "We do not have enough evidence and there have been no charges filed on the Chris Brown case."
But that doesn't mean that Brown will get off scotch free. The spokesperson explained that "if the state gathers up enough evidence, we will press charges with or without her testifying. It is not up to the victim."
No, they'll let him go with at least two fine bottles Glenlivet.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tag, I'm It
What would you do if you answered the door and it was Chris Brown?
Kick him where it counts.
Are you a fan of iced coffee?
Kinda. I can take it or leave it.
Is there someone that you believe you will always be attracted to?
I hope so!
Who was the last person besides family that you saw in person?
My masseuse.
Do you believe everyone has a soul mate?
Yes.
Do you like pancakes?
Yummy.
What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Dasani Vitamin water.
Would you share your drink with a stranger?
No. I'm Howard Hughes germ-a-phobic.
Are you mean?
Only when I want to be, otherwise no.
What's the last movie you saw at the cinema?
The Reader.
Have you ever had a girl best friend?
Sure. Still have her, after 35 years.
Do you hate being alone?
No, I rather enjoy it.
What are your nicknames?
D, Nee Pie, Niecy and my new favorite (she says sarcastically) - teacher.
Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Yes.
Is there a difference between love and in love?
Yes. I love my cats. I am not IN love with my cats.
Would you date someone who smokes?
No. Massive deal-breaker. I don't smoke. Can't stand it.
What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Read part of a book.
Do you like voicemails?
I tolerate them.
Where were you last night?
At Katsuya, this very cool sushi/Japanese restaurant
Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
Yes.
Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
I did this last week - saw my old boss from 4 years ago and ran like the wind!
Where are you right now?
Bedroom.
Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning?
Night. I can barely get dressed in the morning.
Has someone ever made you a promise & broken it?
Are you joking?
Do you like your name?
Used to hate it, now I love my last name, still hate my first name.
If Myspace made you pay would you still use it?
No. I don't use MySpace anyway.
What is the last thing you spent money on?
My massage.
Who can you blame for your bad mood today?
My brother. And my sinuses.
What are you listening to?
The fan.
What are you doing tonight?
Going to bed as soon as I finish this.
How is your life lately?
Better than it has been in a long time.
Last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom.
Whats the greatest thing that happened to you today?
Being alive.
Have you ever made someone laugh when they were crying?
Naturally. I am the Humor Queen you know.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to work no doubt.
Do you wear a lot of black?
Yes, but in the summer I wear a lot of color.
Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
No!
How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
8-9. Do I get this? Hell no.
Did you wake up happy today?
No.
Whats the first thing you did when you woke up this morning?
Cursed my sinuses and called the dr.
Do you hate the last person you had a conversation with?
Good God no. This Q and A is never going to end.
Any upcoming vacations?
Palm Springs, in April.
How many windows are open on your computer?
1
What are you doing after this?
Never answering another one of these damned things again that's for sure.
Do you like to cuddle?
Yesssssssssss.
When was the last time you were disappointed?
What time is it?
What color is your tooth brush?
White and something else but I don't know, hee.
Are you looking forward to anything?
Yes, the end of this questionnaire.
Brown or blonde hair on the opposite sex?
Dark hair. Brown, dark brown, black.
If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
Autum.
What are you wearing?
This is getting perverted. A nightgown.
Is anything wrong?
Yes, too many questions!
What were you doing this morning at 5:30?
Sleeping.
What were you doing 2 hours ago?
Waiting to see who was going to be the Top Chef!
What woke you up this morning?
Phone.
Are you currently jealous?
Only of people who didn't get this questionnaire
What are the last 2 digits in your phone number?
84
Are you a bad influence?
I'm a school teacher for God's sake. I hope not.
Do you ever turn off your phone?
No.
Did you kiss at midnight on New Years?
No. I was in bed alone.
What are you doing this coming weekend?
Going to a Big Band concert. Having a friend out.
For the love of all that is Holy people, don't do this one. I swear it's a killer.
What would you do if you answered the door and it was Chris Brown?
Kick him where it counts.
Are you a fan of iced coffee?
Kinda. I can take it or leave it.
Is there someone that you believe you will always be attracted to?
I hope so!
Who was the last person besides family that you saw in person?
My masseuse.
Do you believe everyone has a soul mate?
Yes.
Do you like pancakes?
Yummy.
What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Dasani Vitamin water.
Would you share your drink with a stranger?
No. I'm Howard Hughes germ-a-phobic.
Are you mean?
Only when I want to be, otherwise no.
What's the last movie you saw at the cinema?
The Reader.
Have you ever had a girl best friend?
Sure. Still have her, after 35 years.
Do you hate being alone?
No, I rather enjoy it.
What are your nicknames?
D, Nee Pie, Niecy and my new favorite (she says sarcastically) - teacher.
Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Yes.
Is there a difference between love and in love?
Yes. I love my cats. I am not IN love with my cats.
Would you date someone who smokes?
No. Massive deal-breaker. I don't smoke. Can't stand it.
What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Read part of a book.
Do you like voicemails?
I tolerate them.
Where were you last night?
At Katsuya, this very cool sushi/Japanese restaurant
Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
Yes.
Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
I did this last week - saw my old boss from 4 years ago and ran like the wind!
Where are you right now?
Bedroom.
Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning?
Night. I can barely get dressed in the morning.
Has someone ever made you a promise & broken it?
Are you joking?
Do you like your name?
Used to hate it, now I love my last name, still hate my first name.
If Myspace made you pay would you still use it?
No. I don't use MySpace anyway.
What is the last thing you spent money on?
My massage.
Who can you blame for your bad mood today?
My brother. And my sinuses.
What are you listening to?
The fan.
What are you doing tonight?
Going to bed as soon as I finish this.
How is your life lately?
Better than it has been in a long time.
Last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom.
Whats the greatest thing that happened to you today?
Being alive.
Have you ever made someone laugh when they were crying?
Naturally. I am the Humor Queen you know.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to work no doubt.
Do you wear a lot of black?
Yes, but in the summer I wear a lot of color.
Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
No!
How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
8-9. Do I get this? Hell no.
Did you wake up happy today?
No.
Whats the first thing you did when you woke up this morning?
Cursed my sinuses and called the dr.
Do you hate the last person you had a conversation with?
Good God no. This Q and A is never going to end.
Any upcoming vacations?
Palm Springs, in April.
How many windows are open on your computer?
1
What are you doing after this?
Never answering another one of these damned things again that's for sure.
Do you like to cuddle?
Yesssssssssss.
When was the last time you were disappointed?
What time is it?
What color is your tooth brush?
White and something else but I don't know, hee.
Are you looking forward to anything?
Yes, the end of this questionnaire.
Brown or blonde hair on the opposite sex?
Dark hair. Brown, dark brown, black.
If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
Autum.
What are you wearing?
This is getting perverted. A nightgown.
Is anything wrong?
Yes, too many questions!
What were you doing this morning at 5:30?
Sleeping.
What were you doing 2 hours ago?
Waiting to see who was going to be the Top Chef!
What woke you up this morning?
Phone.
Are you currently jealous?
Only of people who didn't get this questionnaire
What are the last 2 digits in your phone number?
84
Are you a bad influence?
I'm a school teacher for God's sake. I hope not.
Do you ever turn off your phone?
No.
Did you kiss at midnight on New Years?
No. I was in bed alone.
What are you doing this coming weekend?
Going to a Big Band concert. Having a friend out.
For the love of all that is Holy people, don't do this one. I swear it's a killer.
The Fate of the Nation
I missed the first 20 minutes or so of Obama's speech last night so I'll have to catch it on YouTube. However, what I heard was inspiring. I understand many thought he was going to solely focus on the state of the economy. And yes I did think the speech veered off on many topics - but I did think it was meant to be a "rah rah we can do it (si se puede!)" inspirational speech for America.
But Jesus, don't we need that? So much of this economic crisis is psychological. People are frozen in their spending. Banks are frozen with their credit. Unless they're using bailout money to throw lavish parties for their employees. Vomit.
And yes I wonder where we are going to get all the monies we need for all the things this administration wants to accomplish. But I was inspired. I wanted to hope again. I want to believe America can pull itself out of this mess, this sinking morass of depression. I do feel it's a depression in many ways.
Is it so terrible that I wept when Obama talked about education? Not because he wanted to pay teachers more, but because he told America - we CANNOT have high school dropouts. We cannot succeed and compete as a nation with a population that either drops out of high school or even tries to compete in a global marketplace with ONLY a high school diploma. It's going to take more than that. Yet I see every day I work - hundreds of kids who are no doubt going to drop out of high school. I see the reality but want to hope. It's a strange dichotomy. I don't know how to get through to these kids. Obama was spot on when he said regarding dropping out of high school "You're not only quitting on yourself, you're quitting on your country." Sadly so many Hispanics I see still feel major ties to Mexico and I don't know if they feel tied enough to this country to feel any real sentiment at all. If you're here, you're here. You're American. Knowledge is not only power, it is the key to better jobs, better skills, better training, better careers.
I also wept when he talked about health care. You all know this is about as close to my heart as it can get. I don't even know if or what he can change with this fucking mess we have now. But once you've been sick, and you know you're basically uninsurable now, and you know what's it like not to be able to work, you realize the massive importance of health insurance. Every day I thank God I have it. And I still pay a fortune for drugs and medical costs. But I am still one of the lucky ones.
I have never prayed for a President before. But I will pray for this man and this administration and even his naysayers. Because God knows it can't hurt. And that's how much I believe in him. Lest you think I am some kind of Obama-groupie, please know that I know he's only human, and I do disagree with him on several issues, I don't think he's perfect and I don't think he'll be able to accomplish everything he sets out to. What President has? But he gives me a tiny bit of hope.
The audacity of hope, indeed.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Funeral Blues - Stream of Consciousness Style
Saturday afternoon
Overcast, humid, the skies leaning towards weeping
But alas, no
Dry as a bone
Funeral for Helen Headley
My best friend's grandmother
87, died on February 2
So why the funeral on February 21
Don't ask! The story is long
the wait longer
Beautiful old Scottish chapel
Wee Kirk O' The Heather
Lovely service
I sniffle because I cry at anything and everything
Beautiful casket (I have a thing for classy wooden caskets)
Even more beautiful yellow roses covering casket
Yellow flowers everywhere
Why that's my favorite color
Not to mention my favorite flower
I think the spray I bought looks particularly lovely
If I do say so myself
Moon River is played at the opening of the DVD montage
A life in pictures, melodies
Hey, that's my song, I wanted it at my yet-to happen wedding
Notice the positive
Don't want to accentuate the negative
Helen is gone
I've known her for over 30 years
Photos of her wedding, her children,
Her dead daughter Sue - breaking my heart
It broke hers to outlive two children
Photos of her smiling grandchildren, her baby great grandchildren
When Roseanne Cash sings "I'll be watching you from above
Because long after life, there is love"
I want to sob.
Inevitably I start thinking about my own life,
my own funeral
Who will be there to carry me down?
Who will bury me, play songs for me, make sure it's
yellow roses and the right prayers and I don't have children
so who will do all of this if I grow really old
So yes, Helen was 87 - old enough to go
My grandmothers lived to be almost 95
I figure I will be like them or kick off at 60, haha
You never know
Will they show pictures of my cats? Haha
She had 29 beloved cats
Though not all at once!!
Listen to her son speak
Her granddaughter
Her grandson
How do I want to be remembered?
What do I want to be remembered for?
What do I want people to say about me?
What if it happens sooner than I think?
Next year or five years from now - God forbid
Should I write down my wishes
Is that morbid?
Not anymore, not at this age
Like a Boy Scout
Always be prepared!
Or something like that
What is this life
So short, so small
Even if we are to meet some grand clockmaker in the sky
I don't understand all the machinations
on this spinning ball
Years and years and laughter and tears and love and hate
and pictures to document it all
What's it all for
What does it matter then
Why do I still ask the unanswerable questions
I know the silence that will come back to me
The interment short and sweet
On a hill overlooking the city
A bagpiper wails Amazing Grace
So beautifully sad
I stumble up the hill in my heels
And cling to the grass as the pastor
Reminds us there will be no more tears
no more sorrow, no more pain, no more suffering
The funeral official announces the reception
at a local Scottish restaurant
An institution - been around since 1922
One year younger than dear Helen
I'm hungry and thirsty and am ready to leave
I don't know
Maybe cremation is the way to go.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Three Things Meme, about me, and getting to know you!
(I am dragging the bottom of Catz's barrel by doing this, hahahaa!!)
Three Names I go by
1. Denise
2. D
3. Nee Pie (my dad called me that so I don't hear it anymore unless my mom says it on occasion)
Three Jobs I have had in my life
1. Music Publicist
2. Junior college instructor
3. Elementary teacher
Three Places I have lived
1. Glendale, CA
2. Malibu, CA
3. Brentwood, CA
Three TV Shows that I watch
1. House
2. The Mentalist
3. Burn Notice
Three places I have been
1. London, England
2. Skagway, Alaska
3. Bar Harbor, Maine
People that send e-mail, facebook messages, or internet chats regularly
1. Melissa
2. S
3. Jill
Three of my favorite foods
1. Guacamole
2. Chicken piccata
3. apple pie
Three things I would like to do
1. Live abroad (in UK - but highly unlikely)
2. Take a cruise throughout Northern Europe
3. Travel through South America without getting killed ;)
Three things I look forward to
1. My annual pilgrimage to Palm Springs in April
2. Seeing my niece again
3. Meeting a decent man and having a real, grown-up relationship - it's been too long!
(I am dragging the bottom of Catz's barrel by doing this, hahahaa!!)
Three Names I go by
1. Denise
2. D
3. Nee Pie (my dad called me that so I don't hear it anymore unless my mom says it on occasion)
Three Jobs I have had in my life
1. Music Publicist
2. Junior college instructor
3. Elementary teacher
Three Places I have lived
1. Glendale, CA
2. Malibu, CA
3. Brentwood, CA
Three TV Shows that I watch
1. House
2. The Mentalist
3. Burn Notice
Three places I have been
1. London, England
2. Skagway, Alaska
3. Bar Harbor, Maine
People that send e-mail, facebook messages, or internet chats regularly
1. Melissa
2. S
3. Jill
Three of my favorite foods
1. Guacamole
2. Chicken piccata
3. apple pie
Three things I would like to do
1. Live abroad (in UK - but highly unlikely)
2. Take a cruise throughout Northern Europe
3. Travel through South America without getting killed ;)
Three things I look forward to
1. My annual pilgrimage to Palm Springs in April
2. Seeing my niece again
3. Meeting a decent man and having a real, grown-up relationship - it's been too long!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Sheer Laziness
My Bucket List (stolen from just about everyone)
Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not.
My Bucket List (stolen from just about everyone)
Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not.
Things you have done during your lifetime:
(X ) Gone on a blind date
(X) Skipped school
() Watched someone die
(X) Been to Canada
(X ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
(X) Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
(X) Been lost
(X) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons
(X) Sang Karaoke
( ) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't.
(X) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain-naked
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
(X)been deep sea fishing
(X) Driven across the United States
() Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish
(X) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
(X) Seen the Statue of Liberty
(X) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
(X) Been on a cruise
(X) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
(X) Been horse back riding
(X) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(X) Been to Disneyland/ Disney World
(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer
( ) Been in a rain forest
(X) Seen whales in the ocean
(X) Been to Niagara Falls
(X) Ridden on an elephant (yes, I have!)
( ) Ridden on a Camel
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
(X) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing
( ) Been snow-skiing
(X) Been to Westminster Abbey
(X) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
( ) Been to the Great Pyramid in Egypt
(X) Been to a Major League Baseball game
(X) Been to a National Football League game
Notice most of the things I haven't done involve sports. I have no desire to ride a motorcycle, or go sky diving. I'd have a heart attack. I'd like to try snow skiing though. And travel naturally, to the Pyramids, the Mediterranean and I WILL swim with the dolphins soon. I've wanted to do that for YEARS.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
13 Years
Today is the 13th 'anniversary' of my dad's death. Wow, 13 years. In a way it seems like a million years ago. I've had a really good day thus far. Pretty happy. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but working your ass off in therapy and reading and praying and writing and having mini-breakdowns, haha...well, doing the grief work helps. And time does help. It doesn't make it all better. Tomorrow I might cry my eyes out. Who knows. I'm just so involved with myself right now - that doesn't sound good - but you guys know what I mean - that my dad seems kind of far away. In a way that makes me a little sad, and I feel a little guilty.
But it is what it is.
In the infamous words of the great poet Robert Frost:
"If I have learned one thing about life, it is this: it goes on."
Indeed.
Today is the 13th 'anniversary' of my dad's death. Wow, 13 years. In a way it seems like a million years ago. I've had a really good day thus far. Pretty happy. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but working your ass off in therapy and reading and praying and writing and having mini-breakdowns, haha...well, doing the grief work helps. And time does help. It doesn't make it all better. Tomorrow I might cry my eyes out. Who knows. I'm just so involved with myself right now - that doesn't sound good - but you guys know what I mean - that my dad seems kind of far away. In a way that makes me a little sad, and I feel a little guilty.
But it is what it is.
In the infamous words of the great poet Robert Frost:
"If I have learned one thing about life, it is this: it goes on."
Indeed.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Sweet Mother of Mary There IS a GOD!
That, or I am simply a genius. I jest. I just found out I PASSED both of my CSET English Literature and Composition exams. (CSET = California Subject Examinations - put in place by NCLB and Bush to make sure teachers know their subject matter and pedagogy).
HOW did this happen? I was totally emotionally unable to study for these tests. I think I studied a grand total of 3 days before taking them. I know I'm a good bullshitter. That had it to be on the compositions. I must have guessed well on the multiple choice exam too.
The fact is: I have to take two more exams: Linguistics and the history of the English language, and Communications and Media. The test date is March 14th.
I am high as a kite, have done my "Tom Cruise jumping on the couch" run through the apartment about five times and scared Zoe into the next zip code.
But dammit, once you take these tests, you NEVER HAVE TO TAKE THEM AGAIN. I am two tests and one methods class away from being certified to teach English. It's actually kind of a scary prospect.
JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That, or I am simply a genius. I jest. I just found out I PASSED both of my CSET English Literature and Composition exams. (CSET = California Subject Examinations - put in place by NCLB and Bush to make sure teachers know their subject matter and pedagogy).
HOW did this happen? I was totally emotionally unable to study for these tests. I think I studied a grand total of 3 days before taking them. I know I'm a good bullshitter. That had it to be on the compositions. I must have guessed well on the multiple choice exam too.
The fact is: I have to take two more exams: Linguistics and the history of the English language, and Communications and Media. The test date is March 14th.
I am high as a kite, have done my "Tom Cruise jumping on the couch" run through the apartment about five times and scared Zoe into the next zip code.
But dammit, once you take these tests, you NEVER HAVE TO TAKE THEM AGAIN. I am two tests and one methods class away from being certified to teach English. It's actually kind of a scary prospect.
JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Lazarus Dreams
There will come a time when you will find
yourself alone
in a faded room of despair
the stale aroma of some unresolved grief
heavy in the air
And you will be playing mental solitaire
and smoking cigarettes
trying desperately to remember
how simply to forget
crazy things like the strange feel of December
in the dead center of July
the long, deep, bitter want
and someone that you loved once
a long, long time ago.
There will come a time
when you will find yourself long since past the age
when it is acceptable to rage
against the dying of the light
and you will blow out candles in the night
and wonder when you lost the fight
And you will learn
You will learn to carry your grief with elegant grace
You will learn
that in this world integrity finds no easy place
You will learn
to master the fine art of goodbye
You will learn
that often silence is your best defense
and that sadness does not guarantee
any more tears left to cry
There will come a time
when you will stop searching for some great cosmic sign
and you will let go of the concept of fair
And you will live in a house of mirrors
to prove once and for all
that you're really there.
There will come a time
when you will spend your nights dealing kings and queens
playing Jesus Christ to the demons dancing in your head
and raising Lazarus dreams
from the dead.
There will come a time when you will find
yourself alone
in a faded room of despair
the stale aroma of some unresolved grief
heavy in the air
And you will be playing mental solitaire
and smoking cigarettes
trying desperately to remember
how simply to forget
crazy things like the strange feel of December
in the dead center of July
the long, deep, bitter want
and someone that you loved once
a long, long time ago.
There will come a time
when you will find yourself long since past the age
when it is acceptable to rage
against the dying of the light
and you will blow out candles in the night
and wonder when you lost the fight
And you will learn
You will learn to carry your grief with elegant grace
You will learn
that in this world integrity finds no easy place
You will learn
to master the fine art of goodbye
You will learn
that often silence is your best defense
and that sadness does not guarantee
any more tears left to cry
There will come a time
when you will stop searching for some great cosmic sign
and you will let go of the concept of fair
And you will live in a house of mirrors
to prove once and for all
that you're really there.
There will come a time
when you will spend your nights dealing kings and queens
playing Jesus Christ to the demons dancing in your head
and raising Lazarus dreams
from the dead.
Note: I can't recall if I ever posted this. Apologies if I did; I just came across it last night and thought how ironic! It is 17 years old; I was 25 years old when I wrote it. What stuns me is that at that point, my father and grandmothers were all alive, I hadn't gotten sick yet and yet I could have written it yesterday and it would've been more appropriate to my life now I suppose. Anyway...yes, I was occasionally smoking back then. Yikes. And I was depressed - I just didn't know it. I wrote bad poetry to deal with it. LOL! And in the end, this is about life, but also, so much about a great unrequited love I had. I still think of that person fondly to this day.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Another Q and A Thingie
Rules: It's harder than it looks! (We'll see about that.) Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real, nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.
1. Your name: D
2. A four Letter word: Dark
3. A boy's name: Daniel
4. A girl's name: Desiree
5. An occupation: Director
6. A color: Dark brown (I honestly don't think there is an actual color that begins with the letter "D")
7. Something you wear: Dress
8. A food: Duck!
9. Something found in the bathroom: Dirt
10. A place: Denver
11. A reason for being late: Drunk
12. Something you shout: Damn
13. A movie title: Don't Look Now
14. Something you drink: Dewars whiskey
15. A musical group: Doors (The) - does this count?
16. An animal: Dog
17. A street name: Doran Avenue (this actually exists in the city in which I grew up)
18. A type of car: Denali
19. Something scary: Death
20. Ice cream flavor: Dublin Mudslide (Ben and Jerry's - hey, it's the closest thing I can find to a 'flavor' that starts with D - this one is impossible!)
Rules: It's harder than it looks! (We'll see about that.) Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real, nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.
1. Your name: D
2. A four Letter word: Dark
3. A boy's name: Daniel
4. A girl's name: Desiree
5. An occupation: Director
6. A color: Dark brown (I honestly don't think there is an actual color that begins with the letter "D")
7. Something you wear: Dress
8. A food: Duck!
9. Something found in the bathroom: Dirt
10. A place: Denver
11. A reason for being late: Drunk
12. Something you shout: Damn
13. A movie title: Don't Look Now
14. Something you drink: Dewars whiskey
15. A musical group: Doors (The) - does this count?
16. An animal: Dog
17. A street name: Doran Avenue (this actually exists in the city in which I grew up)
18. A type of car: Denali
19. Something scary: Death
20. Ice cream flavor: Dublin Mudslide (Ben and Jerry's - hey, it's the closest thing I can find to a 'flavor' that starts with D - this one is impossible!)
Someone is Going to Burn in the White-Hot Fires of Dry-Cleaning Hell
Ok, have any of you heard the 4 minute tirade going around the Internet, TV, radio, moon, Saturn and every other galaxy where Christian Bale goes off on some poor DP for four minutes using the word "fuck" at least 300 times???
That is NOTHING - NOTHING my friends, compared to what I am going to verbally do to my dry cleaners Monday. I have to leave in a few minutes for West L.A. for an ALL DAY 'connection event' where I will be interviewing with private schools for a teaching job.
I took my $150 suit to these fuckers to get dry cleaned last week. When I brought it home, the receipt accidentally ripped off - and this is where I was stupid - I tossed it. I get up this morning and they have paired MY jacket with SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIRT - which is NOT IN MY SIZE and DOES NOT MATCH ENOUGH FOR MY EXPECTATIONS ANYWAY!
MOTHER FUCKING FUCKERS!
And in case you are wondering why I am so bloody FUCKING MAD, it's because 4 years ago I actually had to switch to THIS dry cleaning place because the LAST ONE I USED gave my favourite skirt EVER away to another customer and would not replace it, pay for it or even really own up to it. I had it out with the owners over and over. They denied I ever brought it in - even though I DID HAVE THE RECEIPT! It was a silk charmeuse skirt with black embroidery...I still miss that skirt. I wanted to take it to Europe with me.
WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS IT WITH ME, DRY CLEANERS AND SKIRTS?
I don't care if I can't find the receipt. These mother fuckers know me and know I brought this suit in and they are either going to find my skirt or pay me money. Oh they are going to PAY alright.
So naturally, I am in another outfit...I only own one suit. I'm a teacher, not a lawyer. I don't wear suits to work. These people are going to wish they'd never seen my face. That's all for today.
Ok, have any of you heard the 4 minute tirade going around the Internet, TV, radio, moon, Saturn and every other galaxy where Christian Bale goes off on some poor DP for four minutes using the word "fuck" at least 300 times???
That is NOTHING - NOTHING my friends, compared to what I am going to verbally do to my dry cleaners Monday. I have to leave in a few minutes for West L.A. for an ALL DAY 'connection event' where I will be interviewing with private schools for a teaching job.
I took my $150 suit to these fuckers to get dry cleaned last week. When I brought it home, the receipt accidentally ripped off - and this is where I was stupid - I tossed it. I get up this morning and they have paired MY jacket with SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIRT - which is NOT IN MY SIZE and DOES NOT MATCH ENOUGH FOR MY EXPECTATIONS ANYWAY!
MOTHER FUCKING FUCKERS!
And in case you are wondering why I am so bloody FUCKING MAD, it's because 4 years ago I actually had to switch to THIS dry cleaning place because the LAST ONE I USED gave my favourite skirt EVER away to another customer and would not replace it, pay for it or even really own up to it. I had it out with the owners over and over. They denied I ever brought it in - even though I DID HAVE THE RECEIPT! It was a silk charmeuse skirt with black embroidery...I still miss that skirt. I wanted to take it to Europe with me.
WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS IT WITH ME, DRY CLEANERS AND SKIRTS?
I don't care if I can't find the receipt. These mother fuckers know me and know I brought this suit in and they are either going to find my skirt or pay me money. Oh they are going to PAY alright.
So naturally, I am in another outfit...I only own one suit. I'm a teacher, not a lawyer. I don't wear suits to work. These people are going to wish they'd never seen my face. That's all for today.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Another Goodbye
My best friend Jill's grandmother Helen, died yesterday around 4:50 p.m. Jill was with her. Another February death - I tell you, I'm looking forward to March! She was 87. For logistical reasons regarding the rest of Helen's grandchildren, the funeral is not going to be held until the 21st!
I went to dinner with Jill tonight and we sat in her grandma's house for a while. Jill knows how much I've always loved her grandma's house. She understands my NEED to say goodbye to houses, haha. I'm really proud of how Jill has managed so much; her dad is in Antarctica, and her uncle and cousins are scattered across the country. She does have one cousin in Orange County. She has had to take on SO much - not just her grandma's health, but her dad's property, her dad's bills, her grandma's apartment building, those bills, Jill's own life, work, school, tuition....I think I would've lost it by now. Today she went to the funeral home alone to make the arrangements. I offered to go with her, but she wanted to do it on her own.
I am worried about her. Thank goodness she's taking the whole week off from work. I really loved her grandma, but I'm so glad she is not suffering. And I truly believe she is another world; one we can't or won't ever understand until we get there ourselves.
I'm tired and going to bed now.
My best friend Jill's grandmother Helen, died yesterday around 4:50 p.m. Jill was with her. Another February death - I tell you, I'm looking forward to March! She was 87. For logistical reasons regarding the rest of Helen's grandchildren, the funeral is not going to be held until the 21st!
I went to dinner with Jill tonight and we sat in her grandma's house for a while. Jill knows how much I've always loved her grandma's house. She understands my NEED to say goodbye to houses, haha. I'm really proud of how Jill has managed so much; her dad is in Antarctica, and her uncle and cousins are scattered across the country. She does have one cousin in Orange County. She has had to take on SO much - not just her grandma's health, but her dad's property, her dad's bills, her grandma's apartment building, those bills, Jill's own life, work, school, tuition....I think I would've lost it by now. Today she went to the funeral home alone to make the arrangements. I offered to go with her, but she wanted to do it on her own.
I am worried about her. Thank goodness she's taking the whole week off from work. I really loved her grandma, but I'm so glad she is not suffering. And I truly believe she is another world; one we can't or won't ever understand until we get there ourselves.
I'm tired and going to bed now.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Grazie, Sandy
1. What is your occupation right now?
substitute teacher (ugh)
1. What is your occupation right now?
substitute teacher (ugh)
2.What colour are your socks right now?
no socks - it's 81 degrees here in Hades
3.What are you listening to right now?
the fan
the fan
4.What was the last thing that you ate?
grilled cheese (go Veleska!)
5.Can you drive a stick shift?
sadly, no
6.Last person you spoke to on the phone?
my mom
7.Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Well, I stole, but I do indeed like very much the person I stole it from
8.How old are you today?
41
9.What is your favourite sport to watch on TV?
Ick. I hate sports.
10.What is your favourite drink?
Non Alcohol: Starbucks black iced tea, unsweetened
Alcohol: a fabulous fruity martini such as pear, peach, apple, lemon or a Sidecar
11.Have you ever dyed your hair?
Hell yes. Going this Thursday to dye the grey out
12.Favourite food
Oh heavens. Really? It's so hard to pick one thing. Healthy: avocado (I know, it's got some fat). Not healthy: McDonald's french fries (sticks o' fat)
13.What is the last movie you watched?
Pride and Glory w/Ed Norton, Colin Farrell...cop drama. It was OK.
14.Favourite day of the year?
Hmmm...either Halloween or the day before Christmas
15.How do you vent anger?
Murder. No, no, I'm kidding peeps! Oh heck, ranting like a wild woman, blogging, swearing, talking to my friends, mom, cats, the walls. Also turning it inside which sucks because then it turns into depression.
16.What was your favourite toy as a child?
You guys must remember Colorforms? Or how about the Easy Bake Oven? Or the Lite Brite? Am I spelling this right?? Also, my Barbie was pretty rad. Sadly I didn't know at the time how she was subconsciously destroying my self-esteem, haha.
17.What is your favourite season?
Autumn - you go Sandy!
18.Cherries or Blueberries?
Blueberries. Chock full o' antioxidants.
19.Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?
Honestly, I don't care.
20.Who is the most likely to respond?
Why everyone, of course. I am adored.
21.Who is least likely to respond?
People who don't read my blog.
22.Living arrangements?
Tiny but modern 1/1 apartment with cathedral ceilings, granite counter tops, partial wood floors, etc. Very nicely furnished. Kitchen so small even I can barely fit into it. Hundreds and hundreds of books. Two amazing, beautiful, smart, witty, cats who throw up on the carpet at least every other day.
23.When was the last time you cried?
Earlier today, when Michelle Obama said she was a product of the wonderful education and all the educators she had growing up. Teachers get nothing but crap or lip service but I felt she really meant it and I'm eternally grateful for her for saying it.
24.What is on the floor of your closet?
So many clothes, shoes, a giant down bedspread...so much a corpse could be under there and I wouldn't know it.
25.Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to?
Sandy!!!!!!!!! I think it's been almost 7 years though since I've seen her. :(
26.What did you do last night?
Watched The Office, peed in my pants laughing (ok, I didn't but seriously, The Office was that funny), read, did some laundry, turned my digital photos into zip files on the computer, read, went to bed.
27.What are you most afraid of?
FLYING! The next thing would be flying, flying and flying. Oh and spiders. Especially if they're flying.
28.Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
Cheese please. I love cheese far too much. We need to break it off now.
29.Favourite dog breed?
CATS RULE, DOGS DROOL! Dogs are the whores of the animal kingdom. Ok, so I think you get I'm a cat person. But I do ADORE Jack Russell Terriers, even though they are basically four legs and tail on METH and CRACK. I also love King Charles Cavaliers...I think they're cocker spaniels. Oh and I'm sorry, I DO LOVE Chiauaua's. Especially the teacup ones. Paris Hilton has given them a bad name. It's not their fault she buys 62 million of them, forgets about all of them except the one she sticks in her Louis Vuitton toy dog bag and forgets about that one.
30.Favourite day of the week?
Friday. Anticipation rules.
31.How many states have you lived in?
Mentally? No, I'm kidding. Just one, the eternally broke and fucked up Cali.
32.Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds! The diamond is my birthstone, so naturally, no one ever gets me my birthstone as a gift. Sob. However, I also adore aquamarine.
33.What is your favorite flower?
The yellow rose. But NOT FROM TEXAS!
Sunday, February 01, 2009
T.S. Eliot Had it All Wrong!
April is the cruelest month...not for me. I came into this world in April and I've always enjoyed my birthday. I still find January and February the most miserable and cruelest of months.
January took three of my grandparents, and several great aunts and uncles.
February 12th took my father (well, that's debatable, haha), my best friend's mother (from MS) and one of my brother's best childhood friends (he shot himself in the chest - it was a tragic, tragic end to a troubled life) and now my best friend's grandmother is dying. She's been in and out of hospitals for the last several weeks. I think she is at home with hospice care now. Since I grew up with Jill, doing so much with her family and her grandma was always there (going to the Rose Parade, the Hollywood Bowl, swimming at her house, going out to eat, spending the night, etc.) I feel close to her grandma. Jill only lives a couple of houses from her grandma's house. BTW, her grandma, Helen, is 87 and is the mother of Jill's mom, who, as I said, died of MS in her mid 50's. My heart broke when Jill's mom Susan died; how awful to lose your child when you're in your 80's. I mean, it's horrific to lose a child at any age; but to have to watch your child suffer for so long...it's cruel.
I am going into 'town' tomorrow (the city I grew up in) after I see my rheumatologist. I just texted (is that a verb now? a real word?) Jill to ask if I could stop by her grandmother's house to, well, basically say goodbye.
Sorry this blog is a downer.
In better news, I already feel tons and tons better from the new medication my shrink has me on. Also, the birth control I'm taking, Yaz, has not only stopped the pesky flying sperm from getting to me, but more importantly, seems to be doing its FDA-approved job in toning down my PMDD (translated: PMS on crack). I feel...normal?? Is this what most women feel close to their periods? I don't feel like throwing myself out the window, or stabbing the furniture or eating the entire contents of the fridge. Tide commercials aren't making me cry hysterically and I'm not having a battle to the death with my sheets, pillows and bed at night. I don't feel like the life force is slowly being sucked out of me; like my uterus has become a vessel of pure, unadulterated despair and my ovaries are no longer whispering "It's useless. End it all now."
I don't know. I don't want to get too excited here. I'm only in my first month with these drugs. It's so, so, so, so, so disturbing to me that I feel I am just essentially a giant petrie dish of out of control chemicals. It makes me feel highly reductionist and nihilistic.
I wonder if there's a pill for existential despair? Hello, calling all pharmaceutical companies...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Where Have All the Proofreaders Gone?
I was reading an interview with Neil Diamond (stop snickering, I loooooove Neil Diamond) on the CNN website and I came across this gem:
CNN: For this tour, you've donated all the proceeds from merchandise sales [T-shirts, programs and other souvenir items] to the victims of Hurricane Ikea in Texas. We're talking about a figure that's somewhere in the neighborhood of a million dollars.
Ah yes, Hurricane Ikea. That one wasn't too long ago and how I remember the images flickering aross my TV set. Odd, slightly built Swedish furniture, flying through the air at speeds of 90 miles per hour...
Honestly, every single day I come across so many mistakes like this - in books, magazines, newspapers, on the web, and especially on that annoying news crawl on all the 24 hour cable news stations. In 20 years we're going to have an entirely new version of the English language.
I was reading an interview with Neil Diamond (stop snickering, I loooooove Neil Diamond) on the CNN website and I came across this gem:
CNN: For this tour, you've donated all the proceeds from merchandise sales [T-shirts, programs and other souvenir items] to the victims of Hurricane Ikea in Texas. We're talking about a figure that's somewhere in the neighborhood of a million dollars.
Ah yes, Hurricane Ikea. That one wasn't too long ago and how I remember the images flickering aross my TV set. Odd, slightly built Swedish furniture, flying through the air at speeds of 90 miles per hour...
Honestly, every single day I come across so many mistakes like this - in books, magazines, newspapers, on the web, and especially on that annoying news crawl on all the 24 hour cable news stations. In 20 years we're going to have an entirely new version of the English language.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)