And in the "Things Just Keep Getting Better Category..."
I just lost my unemployment benefits. Apparently I didn't understand that they were going to run out so soon. I can file an appeal but I'm not really that hopeful.
Waiting for the locusts.
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Clot News
Doesn't the title just sound gross? Well the idiot hematologist I saw called me this past SUNDAY AFTERNOON. Dropped a nice little bomb on me. Seems one of my clotting factors, called Factor viii is still really high. He basically had no answers for me. Doesn't seem to think it was the Yaz birth control pill. He seems to think I have some inherited blood clotting disorder. Why it showed up in me at 42 and has shown up in no one else in my family doesn't seem to concern him.
Needless to say I was, and am, dismayed. Let's face it. I thought this whole thing would be over in 6 mos to a year and I was sure it was the Yaz birth control pill. I still think the Yaz had something to do with it. But my Factor viii shouldn't be high. I have made an appointment with another hematologist for a second set of tests an another opinion. But it looks like I will be on blood thinners for a long, long time. I think I'm going to have to get one of those nifty medical bracelets. Seriously. Luckily they have them so they look pretty fashionable now. But still.
I know, it could be worse. I was living in a big bubble of denial that I could get off this drug. EVERY SINGLE DRUG YOU TAKE - from an antacid to a vitamin to an antidepressant interferes with it. Antibiotics totally screw you up. I have to have my blood tested constantly. And don't get me started on the eating restrictions. NO GREENS!
But what's the alternative? God knows I can't have another clot. I have the appointment with the new doctor on April 1st. How appropriate. I only wish this was all a joke, instead of "Hey you may have an inherited blood clotting disorder!"
On top of all the other fun things going on, it's the icing on the cake.
BTW, I deleted my last post because my brother managed to freak me out that somehow, someway, my professor would see it. There's no way in Hell she could ever find this blog, but he got me so paranoid I just took it off here.
The class is still Hell. I am making out about 300 resumes. I'm not kidding.
Doesn't the title just sound gross? Well the idiot hematologist I saw called me this past SUNDAY AFTERNOON. Dropped a nice little bomb on me. Seems one of my clotting factors, called Factor viii is still really high. He basically had no answers for me. Doesn't seem to think it was the Yaz birth control pill. He seems to think I have some inherited blood clotting disorder. Why it showed up in me at 42 and has shown up in no one else in my family doesn't seem to concern him.
Needless to say I was, and am, dismayed. Let's face it. I thought this whole thing would be over in 6 mos to a year and I was sure it was the Yaz birth control pill. I still think the Yaz had something to do with it. But my Factor viii shouldn't be high. I have made an appointment with another hematologist for a second set of tests an another opinion. But it looks like I will be on blood thinners for a long, long time. I think I'm going to have to get one of those nifty medical bracelets. Seriously. Luckily they have them so they look pretty fashionable now. But still.
I know, it could be worse. I was living in a big bubble of denial that I could get off this drug. EVERY SINGLE DRUG YOU TAKE - from an antacid to a vitamin to an antidepressant interferes with it. Antibiotics totally screw you up. I have to have my blood tested constantly. And don't get me started on the eating restrictions. NO GREENS!
But what's the alternative? God knows I can't have another clot. I have the appointment with the new doctor on April 1st. How appropriate. I only wish this was all a joke, instead of "Hey you may have an inherited blood clotting disorder!"
On top of all the other fun things going on, it's the icing on the cake.
BTW, I deleted my last post because my brother managed to freak me out that somehow, someway, my professor would see it. There's no way in Hell she could ever find this blog, but he got me so paranoid I just took it off here.
The class is still Hell. I am making out about 300 resumes. I'm not kidding.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
It's About Time!
I update my blog that is. I've been terribly lazy about writing. And now I'm in a class that requires nothing but writing. Help! Speaking of...
I started school last week. I'm taking an English methods class - which is essentially a class teaching me how to teach my students English using the best practices possible. It is going to be a SHITLOAD of work. The professor started the class out by saying "This should be a two semester class." Good news! I'm not so terribly fond of her either; she's a little smug and has some of that professorial arrogance one gets at the PHD and University level. In other words, she thinks she's hot shit. Eh. We'll see. I definitely think the class will be helpful to me - already I'm realizing how much I DO NOT KNOW in terms of teaching English. Help! I have school one night a week and not much else so time should NOT be a problem. I'm grateful for that. Also, my best friend Cheri is in the class too, so that is a big plus.
It's so funny - our whole class is made up of Type A anal-retentive over-achievers and I totally include myself in that category. Already two women have basically been told to zip it by the professor. They just go ON and ON and ON in class, talking as if they're the only ones in the room. It's quite annoying and it stuns me how people can be so clueless to their own inappropriate behavior(s).
However, if I can whinge a bit here...can I just tell you how SICK I am of constantly having to go back to school? I just want a teaching job - that's like being a student all the time anyway - if you're a good teacher that is. And school is so crowded! It took me 20 minutes to get out of the parking garage last night. Oh well. I know if these are my biggest problems in life I should consider myself lucky.
I have sadly totally flaked on the exercise front for the last three weeks. The first week of January I went and then BOOM - extreme inertia and laziness has set in. As such I've only lost a couple of pounds in the last few weeks. I'm still eating really well though. Also still attending my meetings and working the OA program which keeps me on track with my eating. At least I'm not gaining weight.
The Coffee Date: Eh, was a bust. Not that it didn't go well. I met him at Starbucks and we had a perfectly lovely conversation for a little over an hour but there was ZERO attraction on my side and seemingly none on his. He looked really different from his picture too. Hate when that happens. In fact, and I don't know how to say this without sounding mean or judgmental...but I swear I think he had man boobs. Now I'm NO Heidi Klum and I have a few extra pounds on...but man boobs...I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet. ; )
At the moment I am conversing with three other guys. I'm calling one tonight on the phone and have been emailing the other two. As I said, I'm not real fond of doing this stuff, but hey, it's getting me out there and it's the best way for me to meet people right now. I WILL keep y'all posted.
My mom is going to Atlanta on February 11; she'll be there for 2 weeks. My niece has been having some major problems - like constantly throwing up her food and my brother and sister-in-law need help. They are at the end of their proverbial rope. My brother just started a new job and my sister-in-law is running out of time she can take off. My niece has had feeding/eating problems since she was born (as a severe micro-preemie) and is now enrolled in an intense eating/feeding program study at something called the Marcus Institute. I pray they can help her. We also have to get to the bottom of why she keeps spitting up what food she does manage to eat. There are so many issues with my niece. I love her SOOOOOOO much and just want to take them all away. She is the sweetest little girl with a really great personality - and she's had really a tough two years on this planet.
My dad will have been dead for 14 years on February 12th. It's hard to believe. Sometimes he seems so distant - as if I never knew him at all. I feel guilty when I feel that way. Then other times I miss him so much I just cry. I don't cry too much anymore - but still, you never stop missing your parent.
I am seeing the cardiologist this Monday, the 1st, just for a general check-up. The important appointment is on the 26th of February - that's when I see the hematologist and he will start running tests to see if and when I can get off this Coumadin. I really pray I can get off it. The eating restrictions are a bitch and just getting off one more med would be nice. We'll see.
Gosh I feel like this blog has been a real downer; didn't mean it that way. These are just the things going on. Generally I feel pretty good and am glad to have the class to give me more to focus on in terms of my career.
Well, time to go meditate...or try to anyway. Hope everyone is doing as well as can be. I promise to TRY and not be as flaky with my next blog update.
Ciao.
I update my blog that is. I've been terribly lazy about writing. And now I'm in a class that requires nothing but writing. Help! Speaking of...
I started school last week. I'm taking an English methods class - which is essentially a class teaching me how to teach my students English using the best practices possible. It is going to be a SHITLOAD of work. The professor started the class out by saying "This should be a two semester class." Good news! I'm not so terribly fond of her either; she's a little smug and has some of that professorial arrogance one gets at the PHD and University level. In other words, she thinks she's hot shit. Eh. We'll see. I definitely think the class will be helpful to me - already I'm realizing how much I DO NOT KNOW in terms of teaching English. Help! I have school one night a week and not much else so time should NOT be a problem. I'm grateful for that. Also, my best friend Cheri is in the class too, so that is a big plus.
It's so funny - our whole class is made up of Type A anal-retentive over-achievers and I totally include myself in that category. Already two women have basically been told to zip it by the professor. They just go ON and ON and ON in class, talking as if they're the only ones in the room. It's quite annoying and it stuns me how people can be so clueless to their own inappropriate behavior(s).
However, if I can whinge a bit here...can I just tell you how SICK I am of constantly having to go back to school? I just want a teaching job - that's like being a student all the time anyway - if you're a good teacher that is. And school is so crowded! It took me 20 minutes to get out of the parking garage last night. Oh well. I know if these are my biggest problems in life I should consider myself lucky.
I have sadly totally flaked on the exercise front for the last three weeks. The first week of January I went and then BOOM - extreme inertia and laziness has set in. As such I've only lost a couple of pounds in the last few weeks. I'm still eating really well though. Also still attending my meetings and working the OA program which keeps me on track with my eating. At least I'm not gaining weight.
The Coffee Date: Eh, was a bust. Not that it didn't go well. I met him at Starbucks and we had a perfectly lovely conversation for a little over an hour but there was ZERO attraction on my side and seemingly none on his. He looked really different from his picture too. Hate when that happens. In fact, and I don't know how to say this without sounding mean or judgmental...but I swear I think he had man boobs. Now I'm NO Heidi Klum and I have a few extra pounds on...but man boobs...I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet. ; )
At the moment I am conversing with three other guys. I'm calling one tonight on the phone and have been emailing the other two. As I said, I'm not real fond of doing this stuff, but hey, it's getting me out there and it's the best way for me to meet people right now. I WILL keep y'all posted.
My mom is going to Atlanta on February 11; she'll be there for 2 weeks. My niece has been having some major problems - like constantly throwing up her food and my brother and sister-in-law need help. They are at the end of their proverbial rope. My brother just started a new job and my sister-in-law is running out of time she can take off. My niece has had feeding/eating problems since she was born (as a severe micro-preemie) and is now enrolled in an intense eating/feeding program study at something called the Marcus Institute. I pray they can help her. We also have to get to the bottom of why she keeps spitting up what food she does manage to eat. There are so many issues with my niece. I love her SOOOOOOO much and just want to take them all away. She is the sweetest little girl with a really great personality - and she's had really a tough two years on this planet.
My dad will have been dead for 14 years on February 12th. It's hard to believe. Sometimes he seems so distant - as if I never knew him at all. I feel guilty when I feel that way. Then other times I miss him so much I just cry. I don't cry too much anymore - but still, you never stop missing your parent.
I am seeing the cardiologist this Monday, the 1st, just for a general check-up. The important appointment is on the 26th of February - that's when I see the hematologist and he will start running tests to see if and when I can get off this Coumadin. I really pray I can get off it. The eating restrictions are a bitch and just getting off one more med would be nice. We'll see.
Gosh I feel like this blog has been a real downer; didn't mean it that way. These are just the things going on. Generally I feel pretty good and am glad to have the class to give me more to focus on in terms of my career.
Well, time to go meditate...or try to anyway. Hope everyone is doing as well as can be. I promise to TRY and not be as flaky with my next blog update.
Ciao.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
It's Here!
1. 2010 that is. NOT A NEW DECADE. Whatever. I just hope and pray it's a better year, for myself and others who had a shitty 2009.
2. I have a cat who peed inside MY PURSE and who drinks my Crystal Light out of my glass. Should I kill her? ; )
3. Only lost 10 pounds over the last two months. Have to step up my game. Still going to OA, started going to Curves again this week. Along with the entire rest of the world. It's funny, everyone is back at Curves and OA...gotta start those resolutions. Glad I'm just continuing mine.
4. If all goes well, I will start my English methods class on the 20th of this month. I think I can finally register for it next week. Fingers crossed!
5. At the end of next month I find out if I can go off the Coumadin. I'm going to go through all sorts of blood tests I imagine. I also have a feeling I won't be going off it for at least another 6 months. I just hope and pray they don't keep me on it for life.
6. Trying to be more positive this year, no matter what. I just can't stand the negativity trap I'd fallen into in 2009. Yeah, some shit things happened and I'm no Pollyanna, but God, I've got to get my thoughts straightened out.
7. I saw "The Blind Side." A predictable but very sweet, feel-good movie. I want to see Avatar and Up in the Air next. It was nice actually going to the theater; although every time I DO go to the theater I'm reminded why I stay home to watch movies most of the time. People kicking the back of my chair, talking through the movie, etc. Ugh.
8. I have NO WORDS to express how bitter and angry I am about this fucking nightmare of a health bill. I'm very disappointed in Obama and Congress. Can you say bought and sold?
9. Well, I went and did it! I got back online and am possibly meeting a guy for coffee this coming Monday. I really hate this shit, but I've had it with my nun-like existence as well.
10. I'm so excited - one of my favorite TV shows is coming back - SouthLAnd. Fucking NBC aired like 6 episodes in the spring/summer and then kicked it to the curb. It's a GREAT show. Thankfully TNT picked it up; I hope people watch it so it stays on. Stupid Jay Leno takes up 5 nights of NBC's 10pm programming; I've not watched his show but I hear it isn't very good. It's Jay Leno! He's mediocre at best. But they will never pull the plug on him!
11. Yeah it is kind of sad how excited I am about my TV shows coming back. This is what happens when you have no job and your social life is on life support.
1. 2010 that is. NOT A NEW DECADE. Whatever. I just hope and pray it's a better year, for myself and others who had a shitty 2009.
2. I have a cat who peed inside MY PURSE and who drinks my Crystal Light out of my glass. Should I kill her? ; )
3. Only lost 10 pounds over the last two months. Have to step up my game. Still going to OA, started going to Curves again this week. Along with the entire rest of the world. It's funny, everyone is back at Curves and OA...gotta start those resolutions. Glad I'm just continuing mine.
4. If all goes well, I will start my English methods class on the 20th of this month. I think I can finally register for it next week. Fingers crossed!
5. At the end of next month I find out if I can go off the Coumadin. I'm going to go through all sorts of blood tests I imagine. I also have a feeling I won't be going off it for at least another 6 months. I just hope and pray they don't keep me on it for life.
6. Trying to be more positive this year, no matter what. I just can't stand the negativity trap I'd fallen into in 2009. Yeah, some shit things happened and I'm no Pollyanna, but God, I've got to get my thoughts straightened out.
7. I saw "The Blind Side." A predictable but very sweet, feel-good movie. I want to see Avatar and Up in the Air next. It was nice actually going to the theater; although every time I DO go to the theater I'm reminded why I stay home to watch movies most of the time. People kicking the back of my chair, talking through the movie, etc. Ugh.
8. I have NO WORDS to express how bitter and angry I am about this fucking nightmare of a health bill. I'm very disappointed in Obama and Congress. Can you say bought and sold?
9. Well, I went and did it! I got back online and am possibly meeting a guy for coffee this coming Monday. I really hate this shit, but I've had it with my nun-like existence as well.
10. I'm so excited - one of my favorite TV shows is coming back - SouthLAnd. Fucking NBC aired like 6 episodes in the spring/summer and then kicked it to the curb. It's a GREAT show. Thankfully TNT picked it up; I hope people watch it so it stays on. Stupid Jay Leno takes up 5 nights of NBC's 10pm programming; I've not watched his show but I hear it isn't very good. It's Jay Leno! He's mediocre at best. But they will never pull the plug on him!
11. Yeah it is kind of sad how excited I am about my TV shows coming back. This is what happens when you have no job and your social life is on life support.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas!
Ha! It's my blog and I can say MERRY CHRISTMAS all I want. None of this "Happy Holidays" politically correct shite. And I'm not even that religious. But Merry Christmas anyway.
It's colder than a witch's tit here right now...it's also 5:30 a.m. on Christmas Eve Day.
I'm excited to NOT be traveling this Christmas - although I will miss my niece terribly. I hope my brother videotapes her opening her gifts - or at least takes some pictures. I bought her a talking Elmo (several years ago before I had a niece I had NO IDEA who this Elmo creature was/is) and a Cookie Monster. And I bought her a Snoopy. Good thing she can't read this blog. Hee. I also bought her a Clifford DVD. She seems to have a thing for dogs. Clifford, Snoopy, Blue from Blue's clues.
WHERE ARE THE CATS?
I have stopped exercising for the last 2 1/2 weeks. I went into a fibromyalgia flare so bad I just quit. I've got to get back on the proverbial horse. It's amazing how fast the weight starts to creep back on...boo hoo.
Well there's not much to report really. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my blog readers. All what - six of you? LOL!
Hope you have a happy HOLIDAY. ; )
Ha! It's my blog and I can say MERRY CHRISTMAS all I want. None of this "Happy Holidays" politically correct shite. And I'm not even that religious. But Merry Christmas anyway.
It's colder than a witch's tit here right now...it's also 5:30 a.m. on Christmas Eve Day.
I'm excited to NOT be traveling this Christmas - although I will miss my niece terribly. I hope my brother videotapes her opening her gifts - or at least takes some pictures. I bought her a talking Elmo (several years ago before I had a niece I had NO IDEA who this Elmo creature was/is) and a Cookie Monster. And I bought her a Snoopy. Good thing she can't read this blog. Hee. I also bought her a Clifford DVD. She seems to have a thing for dogs. Clifford, Snoopy, Blue from Blue's clues.
WHERE ARE THE CATS?
I have stopped exercising for the last 2 1/2 weeks. I went into a fibromyalgia flare so bad I just quit. I've got to get back on the proverbial horse. It's amazing how fast the weight starts to creep back on...boo hoo.
Well there's not much to report really. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my blog readers. All what - six of you? LOL!
Hope you have a happy HOLIDAY. ; )
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Winter Cleaning and Other Exciting News
1. I'm doing a massive winter cleaning today. My mom has kindly offered the help of her maid. I'm also having the carpet cleaned. One too many hairballs from the cats - gross I know. That's why I'm having it cleaned.
2. I feel like crap today. I've really been exercising a lot harder. I'm back at Curves and every now and again I do this aerobic exercise tape that kicks my butt. I pay for it with the fibromyalgia but I swear it's the only thing that's taking the weight off. Still, it sucks to be in pain and not be able to take my beloved aspirin or Aleve (because of the Coumadin).
3. I am almost done with my Christmas shopping. Well, things are a little tight this year so it's not like I went out and bought out the stores. I even wrapped all the gifts I have. Part of this is due to the fact that we (my mother and I) have to send a lot of these gifts back to Atlanta to my brother, niece and sister-in-law. I did buy some cute stuff for my niece. She is really into Snoopy now. She also still loves Elmo (her first love) and the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street. I bought her those, talking of course, so they will drive my brother and his wife insane after a while, haha. I also bought her some cute clothes and some books for my brother to read to her. My mom bought her an ENTIRE HUGE 1950's diner. It's the kind you can pretend to cook in, and even sit in. So much for Easy Bake Ovens - she's getting a whole diner!
4. I have to go back to the lab tomorrow for another blood test. TEDIOUS! At least I've been getting two weeks off between visits for a while now. However two weeks ago my numbers dropped from a perfect 2.4 to 1.85 for no apparent reason. Coumadin is the MOST annoying drug I've ever been on. I swear if you SNEEZE wrong your numbers can change. Ideally I am always supposed to be between 2-3 and somewhere in the middle is the best. I am about half way through my 6 months on the Coumadin. On February 26th I go back to the hematologist who will take me off it, run as many tests as he can to see if the blood clots were caused by something OTHER than the Pill. Those results will determine if and when and for how long I may go back on the Coumadin. If nothing is wrong with me (for example, I don't have a high Factor 8 clotting mechanism going on) then I may be able to get off it. Unless I fly - then I always have to go back on it. I'm sure you wanted to read ALLLLLLL about my medical history here.
5. Obviously I am taking a break from cleaning right now. The maid is vacuuming. Is that how you spell it? Oh well. I'm too lazy to look it up in the dictionary. The cats are acting like their usual chicken-shit selves and are under the bed, probably frozen in total fear.
6. Still going to OA, about three times a week. It's been so amazing in helping me take this weight off. I know I keep saying that, but I never dreamt anything could be so helpful that ISN'T just another diet.
7. I am hoping (read: praying) to get this English class next semester so I can finish up getting my English credential. This way I can teach middle and high school English. Not that I'm especially hopeful about getting a job here in CA; we are such a fucked up state. It's so discouraging. : ( I'm NOT GIVING UP THOUGH! I want to be a teacher and I don't want to retrain AGAIN.
8. I think the carpet cleaning is about to begin so I'm gonna go. Exciting stuff. What can I say? No job, nothing really exciting going on. I guess that's good. Exciting seems to get me in trouble. I'll say this: I'm not sorry to see 2009 go. The year that tried to kill me! I've just got under a month to get to 2010. Man it feels weird to write that. Ten years from Y2K. Remember that madness?
1. I'm doing a massive winter cleaning today. My mom has kindly offered the help of her maid. I'm also having the carpet cleaned. One too many hairballs from the cats - gross I know. That's why I'm having it cleaned.
2. I feel like crap today. I've really been exercising a lot harder. I'm back at Curves and every now and again I do this aerobic exercise tape that kicks my butt. I pay for it with the fibromyalgia but I swear it's the only thing that's taking the weight off. Still, it sucks to be in pain and not be able to take my beloved aspirin or Aleve (because of the Coumadin).
3. I am almost done with my Christmas shopping. Well, things are a little tight this year so it's not like I went out and bought out the stores. I even wrapped all the gifts I have. Part of this is due to the fact that we (my mother and I) have to send a lot of these gifts back to Atlanta to my brother, niece and sister-in-law. I did buy some cute stuff for my niece. She is really into Snoopy now. She also still loves Elmo (her first love) and the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street. I bought her those, talking of course, so they will drive my brother and his wife insane after a while, haha. I also bought her some cute clothes and some books for my brother to read to her. My mom bought her an ENTIRE HUGE 1950's diner. It's the kind you can pretend to cook in, and even sit in. So much for Easy Bake Ovens - she's getting a whole diner!
4. I have to go back to the lab tomorrow for another blood test. TEDIOUS! At least I've been getting two weeks off between visits for a while now. However two weeks ago my numbers dropped from a perfect 2.4 to 1.85 for no apparent reason. Coumadin is the MOST annoying drug I've ever been on. I swear if you SNEEZE wrong your numbers can change. Ideally I am always supposed to be between 2-3 and somewhere in the middle is the best. I am about half way through my 6 months on the Coumadin. On February 26th I go back to the hematologist who will take me off it, run as many tests as he can to see if the blood clots were caused by something OTHER than the Pill. Those results will determine if and when and for how long I may go back on the Coumadin. If nothing is wrong with me (for example, I don't have a high Factor 8 clotting mechanism going on) then I may be able to get off it. Unless I fly - then I always have to go back on it. I'm sure you wanted to read ALLLLLLL about my medical history here.
5. Obviously I am taking a break from cleaning right now. The maid is vacuuming. Is that how you spell it? Oh well. I'm too lazy to look it up in the dictionary. The cats are acting like their usual chicken-shit selves and are under the bed, probably frozen in total fear.
6. Still going to OA, about three times a week. It's been so amazing in helping me take this weight off. I know I keep saying that, but I never dreamt anything could be so helpful that ISN'T just another diet.
7. I am hoping (read: praying) to get this English class next semester so I can finish up getting my English credential. This way I can teach middle and high school English. Not that I'm especially hopeful about getting a job here in CA; we are such a fucked up state. It's so discouraging. : ( I'm NOT GIVING UP THOUGH! I want to be a teacher and I don't want to retrain AGAIN.
8. I think the carpet cleaning is about to begin so I'm gonna go. Exciting stuff. What can I say? No job, nothing really exciting going on. I guess that's good. Exciting seems to get me in trouble. I'll say this: I'm not sorry to see 2009 go. The year that tried to kill me! I've just got under a month to get to 2010. Man it feels weird to write that. Ten years from Y2K. Remember that madness?
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Thankful
I know I've probably been driving everyone on Facebook nuts with my gratitude lists (only two more days) but this year I am realizing I really do have a LOT to be grateful for so I thought I'd make one more list.
1. Being alive. Since 1/3 of people who get pulmonary emboli die, almost immediately, I feel very, very lucky to even be alive this Thanksgiving. Thanks to the hospital and doctors and especially the NURSES who worked very hard to not only save my life but keep me stable. I say especially the nurses because they were saints and took great care of me and are so under-appreciated.
2. Unemployment Benefits: Well, it's the first time I've truly been totally out of work in over 10 years and well, thank god for SOME money, right?
3. My mom. What can I say? She's a saint for helping me, encouraging me, being there for me as much as she has been. We disagree on a lot socially and politically but she's the best friend and mother a person could ever hope to have.
4. Meds: Yes, I'm thankful for the drugs that keep me from jumping off a cliff (or at least out of my second story window), and the Ultram that lets me function with the fibro, and the Lyrica and well, Tylenol and everything else that keeps me going from day to day.
5. My beautiful cats: Let people mock me, make fun of me, call me the crazy cat lady but I've been so lucky to have these two gorgeous felines for the last 14 years. They act more like dogs and follow me around the house, greet me at the front door, sleep with me, cuddle with me, comfort me. Animals are one of God's greatest gifts, IMHO.
6. My brother, sister-in-law and niece Ella: Family. Crazy, fighting, loving, wacky family. Can't live without them.
7. OA: I don't have a job now, so OA has kind of been my job. It's not only helped me lose weight, it's really brough me a lot of peace and a little sanity. What else does that for practically free?
8. Friends: Cheri, my friend here in L.A. who is also out of work, has been a Godsend and I mean that in a literal sense. I like to think we help each other get through each day. We are both teachers and both want to be teachers again and I know someday we will be.
Tara: Reconnecting with you has been the highlight of my year. You are wicked smart, funny and make me feel like a million bucks. God gave me another blessing by hooking me back up with you.
Veleska: You are the sweetest, kindest, most caring chick I know. And I know you're going through some tough times now. No one deserves a break more than you. Well, maybe you, me, Staci, haha...I treasure our friendship and still can't wait until the day we actually meet.
Staci: You have been through hell and seem to keep going no matter what. I admire you more than you will ever know. You are one of my heroes. Your friendship means the world to me. I hope in 2010 I can find an excuse to get to Arizona because if you can't come to me, I'd like to come to you and see you again. You rock.
Sandy: You are also one of the kindest, nicest people I know. I'm sorry we missed each other when you were down here for the Church. Your ability to cook, sew, can things, etc. amazes me because I can barely boil water. Oh and you do hair too! I think you are marvelous. Just mahvelous darling. Don't ever change.
Holly: Eek! I'm still waiting for the rest of your Church tour on your blog. You are the St. Francis of Ohio, loving all animals and giving so much of yourself to them. You are also one of my heroes. Why aren't all you people on that CNN Heroes show! It's beyond me. You're smart, funny and do so many nice things for SK - what's not to love about you?
Thomas: Fifteen years! I know I owe you a visit. BIG TIME. You are supremely great. A true Renaissance man. A butcher, a baker, a lawyer...OK, I'm not sure about those first two...but you know I love you and think the world of you. You're witty, charming, smart as a whip, well-read, well-educated, musically talented. You make me sick. No! I'm kidding. I miss you.
9. All the basic but truly important stuff: a comfy bed to sleep in, a sturdy roof over my head, MORE than enough food to eat (been eating less and less of it, yay!), a running car (this baby is going to 200,000 miles!), clothes to wear (getting looser all the time), etc. Without the basics I wouldn't be able to sit around having existential angst. THAT is a luxury - nihilism. Heh.
10. God. It's kind of personal. Yow know how it is.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I've probably been driving everyone on Facebook nuts with my gratitude lists (only two more days) but this year I am realizing I really do have a LOT to be grateful for so I thought I'd make one more list.
1. Being alive. Since 1/3 of people who get pulmonary emboli die, almost immediately, I feel very, very lucky to even be alive this Thanksgiving. Thanks to the hospital and doctors and especially the NURSES who worked very hard to not only save my life but keep me stable. I say especially the nurses because they were saints and took great care of me and are so under-appreciated.
2. Unemployment Benefits: Well, it's the first time I've truly been totally out of work in over 10 years and well, thank god for SOME money, right?
3. My mom. What can I say? She's a saint for helping me, encouraging me, being there for me as much as she has been. We disagree on a lot socially and politically but she's the best friend and mother a person could ever hope to have.
4. Meds: Yes, I'm thankful for the drugs that keep me from jumping off a cliff (or at least out of my second story window), and the Ultram that lets me function with the fibro, and the Lyrica and well, Tylenol and everything else that keeps me going from day to day.
5. My beautiful cats: Let people mock me, make fun of me, call me the crazy cat lady but I've been so lucky to have these two gorgeous felines for the last 14 years. They act more like dogs and follow me around the house, greet me at the front door, sleep with me, cuddle with me, comfort me. Animals are one of God's greatest gifts, IMHO.
6. My brother, sister-in-law and niece Ella: Family. Crazy, fighting, loving, wacky family. Can't live without them.
7. OA: I don't have a job now, so OA has kind of been my job. It's not only helped me lose weight, it's really brough me a lot of peace and a little sanity. What else does that for practically free?
8. Friends: Cheri, my friend here in L.A. who is also out of work, has been a Godsend and I mean that in a literal sense. I like to think we help each other get through each day. We are both teachers and both want to be teachers again and I know someday we will be.
Tara: Reconnecting with you has been the highlight of my year. You are wicked smart, funny and make me feel like a million bucks. God gave me another blessing by hooking me back up with you.
Veleska: You are the sweetest, kindest, most caring chick I know. And I know you're going through some tough times now. No one deserves a break more than you. Well, maybe you, me, Staci, haha...I treasure our friendship and still can't wait until the day we actually meet.
Staci: You have been through hell and seem to keep going no matter what. I admire you more than you will ever know. You are one of my heroes. Your friendship means the world to me. I hope in 2010 I can find an excuse to get to Arizona because if you can't come to me, I'd like to come to you and see you again. You rock.
Sandy: You are also one of the kindest, nicest people I know. I'm sorry we missed each other when you were down here for the Church. Your ability to cook, sew, can things, etc. amazes me because I can barely boil water. Oh and you do hair too! I think you are marvelous. Just mahvelous darling. Don't ever change.
Holly: Eek! I'm still waiting for the rest of your Church tour on your blog. You are the St. Francis of Ohio, loving all animals and giving so much of yourself to them. You are also one of my heroes. Why aren't all you people on that CNN Heroes show! It's beyond me. You're smart, funny and do so many nice things for SK - what's not to love about you?
Thomas: Fifteen years! I know I owe you a visit. BIG TIME. You are supremely great. A true Renaissance man. A butcher, a baker, a lawyer...OK, I'm not sure about those first two...but you know I love you and think the world of you. You're witty, charming, smart as a whip, well-read, well-educated, musically talented. You make me sick. No! I'm kidding. I miss you.
9. All the basic but truly important stuff: a comfy bed to sleep in, a sturdy roof over my head, MORE than enough food to eat (been eating less and less of it, yay!), a running car (this baby is going to 200,000 miles!), clothes to wear (getting looser all the time), etc. Without the basics I wouldn't be able to sit around having existential angst. THAT is a luxury - nihilism. Heh.
10. God. It's kind of personal. Yow know how it is.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, November 09, 2009
Delayed Reaction
Wow it's been exactly one month since I blogged. I seem to be going through some kind of existential crisis (don't groan and say "another one?" haha) but my shrink has assured me it's perfectly normal. Move along people, nothing to see here.
Seriously...it has to do with my hospital stay. It's strange. When I got out, I was totally on a high. I was LOVING LIFE. Why not? I'd just CHEATED DEATH. I was euphoric for about a month. Life was good, I was beyond grateful for EVERYTHING and happy as a clam.
Then that feeling started to dissipate. That's when the anxiety started. Every little sensation in my body I took as a sign that a clot was forming; I was going to have another PE. I'd get a headache and think a clot was going to my brain. I'd breathe in and think my lungs were hurting and something was wrong. The anxiety is still here, though it's not as acute. This has lasted about a month too. Needless to say Xanax has been my best friend through this.
Now I'm in some kind of grieving process; some kind of existential "I just stared death in the face and what the fuck have I done with my life" crisis. It's bad. It hurts. I cry all the time for no reason. Well, there is a reason. It's like I FINALLY WOKE UP at age 42 - as if I was in a coma for years!!! I don't know why I'm having all these strange thoughts. I'm thinking, where did the last 20 years go? I'm not doing ANYTHING with my life now - and suddenly I want to LIVE and do EVERYTHING with my life now. Sex, drugs and rock and roll! Well, maybe not the drugs. ; )
I'm on a strange journey. The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing my doctor told me it's normal - and an essay I read by the country music artist Mary Chapin Carpenter. I was reading this book of essays people wrote on what they believe and she wrote one called "I Believe in the Learning Curve of Gratitude."
Mary Chapin Carpenter had the exact same thing happen to her. She had blood clots in her lungs. She went into a state of depression, pain, confusion, gratitude. I could've written the essay. I think it was a Godsend that I read it.
It definitely made me feel not so alone.
I've been in a major fire, held up by a gunman, been in major earthquakes, car accidenets and nothing, nothing has scared me and shaken me to my core like this experience. I know I will come out of this a stronger, better, more compassionate person.
It's just getting through it that sucks!
More later from the trenches...
Wow it's been exactly one month since I blogged. I seem to be going through some kind of existential crisis (don't groan and say "another one?" haha) but my shrink has assured me it's perfectly normal. Move along people, nothing to see here.
Seriously...it has to do with my hospital stay. It's strange. When I got out, I was totally on a high. I was LOVING LIFE. Why not? I'd just CHEATED DEATH. I was euphoric for about a month. Life was good, I was beyond grateful for EVERYTHING and happy as a clam.
Then that feeling started to dissipate. That's when the anxiety started. Every little sensation in my body I took as a sign that a clot was forming; I was going to have another PE. I'd get a headache and think a clot was going to my brain. I'd breathe in and think my lungs were hurting and something was wrong. The anxiety is still here, though it's not as acute. This has lasted about a month too. Needless to say Xanax has been my best friend through this.
Now I'm in some kind of grieving process; some kind of existential "I just stared death in the face and what the fuck have I done with my life" crisis. It's bad. It hurts. I cry all the time for no reason. Well, there is a reason. It's like I FINALLY WOKE UP at age 42 - as if I was in a coma for years!!! I don't know why I'm having all these strange thoughts. I'm thinking, where did the last 20 years go? I'm not doing ANYTHING with my life now - and suddenly I want to LIVE and do EVERYTHING with my life now. Sex, drugs and rock and roll! Well, maybe not the drugs. ; )
I'm on a strange journey. The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing my doctor told me it's normal - and an essay I read by the country music artist Mary Chapin Carpenter. I was reading this book of essays people wrote on what they believe and she wrote one called "I Believe in the Learning Curve of Gratitude."
Mary Chapin Carpenter had the exact same thing happen to her. She had blood clots in her lungs. She went into a state of depression, pain, confusion, gratitude. I could've written the essay. I think it was a Godsend that I read it.
It definitely made me feel not so alone.
I've been in a major fire, held up by a gunman, been in major earthquakes, car accidenets and nothing, nothing has scared me and shaken me to my core like this experience. I know I will come out of this a stronger, better, more compassionate person.
It's just getting through it that sucks!
More later from the trenches...
Friday, October 09, 2009
This 'N That
1. Today we bombed the moon. Where the hell are our priorities? Don't we have enough to deal with on earth without looking for water on the moon? Did Buzz Aldrin see any water? That should've been good enough. "Looked dry to me."
2.Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Translated: We fucking hated Bush/Cheney and their stupid wars so much we're going to bitch slap them by giving this man a prize he doesn't really deserve at this point. We don't care. We really want to say: FUCK THAT LAST ADMINISTRATION.
3.Time to get out of Afghanistan. It's a losing proposition. The Soviets couldn't do it in the early 80's. How much more money are we going to spend and how many more lives are going to be lost trying to overthrow the Taliban? Let that country deal with its own evils.
4. Got my hair done today. Looks fab.
5.From war to my hair - how shallow can I get?
6. I miss everyone's blogs but I guess there's not a lot going on right now.
7. Went to a useless job fair last Monday. Honestly, biggest waste of my time. It was the most poorly organized job fair I've ever been to.
8. Yesterday, shockingly, at 5:45 am the phone rang with a call to substitute. Unfortunately I couldn't do it. I had to go to the lab to give blood and I had a doctor's appointment. I didn't get called today though. I'm still mailing in my unemployment paperwork. I have no idea if I'll be called three times a week, a month, or the whole semester.
9. I want to see that movie Paranormal Activity. I LOVE scary movies. Hate roller coasters, but love to be scared in my own house or the movie theater. It's funny how people like to get their thrills.
10. My a/c broke but finally got fixed. My place is so small that even with the cooler weather I need to turn it on because I'm upstairs and I think the insulation sucks. It gets really stuffy in here.
11. Did I tell y'all I'm having a stress/treadmill test on the 22nd of this month? I'm really nervous about it. Hope I don't keel over.
12. I can't stop touching my awesome hair.
13. I've decided for me, watching the Food Network is akin to watching porn.
14. My blood INR levels were down again. Damn! It's been two months and I can't get regulated permanently on the Coumadin. Now we suspect this Vitamin water I have been drinking might be interfering with the medicine. I LOVE that water. I am crushed I may have to give it up, but Hell, I want my INR levels stabilized. I don't want to mess around with THAT. I am now drinking plain old water. Boo hoo.
15. I should appreciate the fact I have clean water to drink, huh? I do.
16. I'm reading a book by Karen Armstrong called "The Case for God." It's a formidable tome and damn, she starts with the caveman and the paintings at Lascaux, etc. God has changed so much over time. Man's conception of God that is. Fascinating book. Not an easy read though. A little academic.
17. I finally saw the commercial for the car where the Church song "Under the Milky Way" is used. It's so cool! I don't especially like that version of the song, but Hell, it's a Church song on a major car commercial!
18.I haven't been to my meditation class in two weeks. I haven't even meditated in two weeks. Meditation is sooooooooooooooooo hard. I've been purposely avoiding it, I admit it.
19. Gee, I hate to stop at #19, but I'm afraid that's it folks. Hope you're all doing well.
Photo: Our beautiful moon. We wouldn't be anywhere without it.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Autumn and Other Wonderful Things
Today is the first real day of autumn of us. Don't make fun - yes, there are more fires burning in Southern California, but it's cool, it's crisp, the leaves are falling, the colors are changing and you can just feel it and smell it in the air. It's like a little slice of Heaven for me. I was even able to wear a sweater out - which in the L.A. area is a real treat.
I brought out all my Halloween decorations. My apartment looks ridiculous but I don't care; they make me happy. It looks like a Halloween store exploded in here. Every nice I light a pumpkin spice candle and cozy up on the couch and stare and my ghosties and witches and skulls and goblins. I'm definitely going to carve pumpkins this year. I'll probably take them to my mom's because she lives in a really nice neighborhood and actually gets kids trick or treating.
I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. On October 20th I'm going to Disneyland. I haven't been in a few years. Talk about Halloween - Disneyland really decks the place out in Halloween decorations. The Haunted House is spectacular - it's all done up like Tim Burton's "The Nightmare Before Christmas." I'm not kidding - it's truly a sight to behold.
I guess that's the one good thing about being off work - I can go to Disneyland in the middle of the week.
Tomorrow I'm going to a job fair with my bestie friend Cheri. I went to Kohl's today and bought some really nice clothes. I am continuing to lose weight - of course not as fast as I want to. I've stopped going to Curves for a month; I want to get my blood thinner numbers steady before I go back. I just feel uneasy going back now.
My eating is fabulous though. I used to live on junk food; now I eat so healthy. I'm really amazed and proud of myself. I think God must have something to do with it too because honestly I don't know how I've done it. I'm even cooking real food and I NEVER used to cook.
As long as I'm off work I was thinking of volunteering somewhere. I'm just not sure what I want to do. It definitely would make ME feel better.
I had the longest, strangest dream about Dave Navarro last night. If you don't know who he is, he is an L.A. musician who plays guitar for Jane's Addiction. Don't ask what I ate before I went to bed. Mushrooms I guess.
I'm reading the most fabulous book - seriously, one of the best books I've ever read. It's called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years." It's kind of really hard to explain. It's about this writer who's decided our lives are just like stories - and what kind of stories are we living? We can change our stories if we want - we can change our lives. It's not really a self-help book but it's helping me to see I can change my life story if I want. My story seems really boring now. I want more meaning in my life. Go to Amazon.com and check this book out. Honestly, it's changed my thinking and I think it will change my life. This book has worked its way into my soul and very few books do that with me anymore.
I don't think I've ever blogged about this, or told any of you this, but about a year ago, last September, I joined Overeaters Anonymous. I used to think it was just a crazy cult for loser fat people, but it's really changing my life. There are fat people there, and really thin people, and all kinds of people. It's totally based on the 12 steps and traditions of AA. I have a sponsor now and I record what I eat and go to meetings and let me tell you, it's one of the best things I ever did. I never saw myself doing something like this. This is another area where I think I just got a kick in the ass from some kind of higher power. It's not just changing what and how I eat, it's changing my whole life.
I honestly think everyone could benefit somewhat from practicing the 12 steps and traditions of the OA/AA/NA culture. So maybe I'm just a loser fat person but I don't think so. I think I'm a pretty motivated person who wanted and needed help and sought it out. And it's working out well for me. I've made some friends too - which is nice.
I'm a little low on friends. I have a friend who I've known for 30 years but she has very little time and I see our friendship dying out. It's kind of sad but maybe it's meant to be. I don't know. The ebb and flow of life, right?
Well, another not-so exciting blog has emanated from my brain. Excitement is good, but sometimes just watching the breeze and listening to the purring of the cat is good too.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Sorry!
I know I haven't been blogging much; I guess I just haven't been in the mood. As most of you know the weather over the past month was just fuck ass crazy hot! Sorry, that's the best way I know how to describe it. It's still warm but actually starting to cool down.
My complex is full of these beautiful Japanese maple trees that actually DO change color with the seasons. I'm going to start taking pictures of them as they change from green to all the spectacular fall colors. Cooler weather, fog in the mornings, and these trees are really my only sense that fall is here. But it's great - fall is my favorite season, I LOVE ADORE WORSHIP Halloween and plan to get out all my crazy decorations and decorate the breadbox I live it.
There is a small child that eternally lives in me, can you tell?
I filed for unemployment. If you didn't read my link about the substitute teaching - well, they've given the jobs to all the unemployed full time teachers. It makes sense, but it also means I now have absolutely no work. I've never filed for unemployment before. My best friend (who also happens to be a teacher too) also filed. I am awaiting some paperwork from the EDD; they'd better fucking give me the money. I've paid into it, I've busted my ass looking for ANY kind of teaching job and I even applied to a bookstore for some work. I have NO shame in filing for unemployment.
I think I've finally gotten my Coumadin (blood thinner) within its proper range in my body. I've still been going to the lab about once or twice a week which is a pain more ways than one. It's very hard to stabilize the dosage of Coumadin. I get to go one whole week without going to the lab. I also went to the dr. yesterday and found out than when I left the hospital the clots probably hadn't just up and disappeared as I thought they had. It takes time for them to dissipate.
I'm experiencing some extra anxiety over the whole event. Knowing they could still be inside me - I don't know. It's like I was just in la la land for the last month or two.
I know I'm not the only one who hasn't blogged in a while. I know everyone has their reasons, but I do miss my blogging friends and their blogs. Although I know V just blogged. I miss Staci's blog like mad, but understand why she can't sit at the computer for long periods of time. Hell, I miss myself blogging half the time.
I Twitter a fair amount, haha. Not the same, I know.
I bought a book to try and teach myself the basics of Excel. Have I cracked that book open yet? NO! I've been reading a book called "The Haunting of America" about spiritualism, mediums, mystics, witchcraft, magic, voodoo and other seancy-weird stuff that's gone on since the days of the Salem Witch trials in the late 17th century in this country. It's a fascinating history.
I'm still waiting for Oscar-worthy movies to start coming out. We're getting close to that time of year when the 'heavy duty' movies that I normally like come out. I've survived another summer of cinematic trash that's for sure.
Just to be sure you know my stance on this, Roman Polanski is a child rapist and needs to come back and do his fucking time like the pig child rapist he is. There.
My TV watching these days consists of the following: Project Runway, Top Chef, House, The Mentalist, Law and Order SVU, Sons of Anarchy, Intervention and how pathetic is a blog where I list what I'm fucking watching on TV? I haven't gotten into one new show yet.
My half-birthday is on the 27th of this month. I'm thinking of having a half-celebration. Why? I don't know. Cuz you know, it was a tough summer and it's good to fucking be here.
Over and out.
I know I haven't been blogging much; I guess I just haven't been in the mood. As most of you know the weather over the past month was just fuck ass crazy hot! Sorry, that's the best way I know how to describe it. It's still warm but actually starting to cool down.
My complex is full of these beautiful Japanese maple trees that actually DO change color with the seasons. I'm going to start taking pictures of them as they change from green to all the spectacular fall colors. Cooler weather, fog in the mornings, and these trees are really my only sense that fall is here. But it's great - fall is my favorite season, I LOVE ADORE WORSHIP Halloween and plan to get out all my crazy decorations and decorate the breadbox I live it.
There is a small child that eternally lives in me, can you tell?
I filed for unemployment. If you didn't read my link about the substitute teaching - well, they've given the jobs to all the unemployed full time teachers. It makes sense, but it also means I now have absolutely no work. I've never filed for unemployment before. My best friend (who also happens to be a teacher too) also filed. I am awaiting some paperwork from the EDD; they'd better fucking give me the money. I've paid into it, I've busted my ass looking for ANY kind of teaching job and I even applied to a bookstore for some work. I have NO shame in filing for unemployment.
I think I've finally gotten my Coumadin (blood thinner) within its proper range in my body. I've still been going to the lab about once or twice a week which is a pain more ways than one. It's very hard to stabilize the dosage of Coumadin. I get to go one whole week without going to the lab. I also went to the dr. yesterday and found out than when I left the hospital the clots probably hadn't just up and disappeared as I thought they had. It takes time for them to dissipate.
I'm experiencing some extra anxiety over the whole event. Knowing they could still be inside me - I don't know. It's like I was just in la la land for the last month or two.
I know I'm not the only one who hasn't blogged in a while. I know everyone has their reasons, but I do miss my blogging friends and their blogs. Although I know V just blogged. I miss Staci's blog like mad, but understand why she can't sit at the computer for long periods of time. Hell, I miss myself blogging half the time.
I Twitter a fair amount, haha. Not the same, I know.
I bought a book to try and teach myself the basics of Excel. Have I cracked that book open yet? NO! I've been reading a book called "The Haunting of America" about spiritualism, mediums, mystics, witchcraft, magic, voodoo and other seancy-weird stuff that's gone on since the days of the Salem Witch trials in the late 17th century in this country. It's a fascinating history.
I'm still waiting for Oscar-worthy movies to start coming out. We're getting close to that time of year when the 'heavy duty' movies that I normally like come out. I've survived another summer of cinematic trash that's for sure.
Just to be sure you know my stance on this, Roman Polanski is a child rapist and needs to come back and do his fucking time like the pig child rapist he is. There.
My TV watching these days consists of the following: Project Runway, Top Chef, House, The Mentalist, Law and Order SVU, Sons of Anarchy, Intervention and how pathetic is a blog where I list what I'm fucking watching on TV? I haven't gotten into one new show yet.
My half-birthday is on the 27th of this month. I'm thinking of having a half-celebration. Why? I don't know. Cuz you know, it was a tough summer and it's good to fucking be here.
Over and out.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
The Ruins of September
9/11/01
What great ruins now sleep eternally
on the broken ground of this grey city
Like souls prostrate in mighty grief
In all the world, black disbelief
Human eyes will never again see
the views to Heaven once conceived
in man's own mind
a three pound universe
the same which brought these giants down
tis now the view of Hell unbound
Who were the men, the hands indeed
that set in stone
the hopes, the dreams
birthed by Rome in concrete, stone
Of greatness built to Gods and men
and leveled in seconds by Hell's condemned
A city keens for fallen friends
Yet bent not broken in the final end.
9/11/01
What great ruins now sleep eternally
on the broken ground of this grey city
Like souls prostrate in mighty grief
In all the world, black disbelief
Human eyes will never again see
the views to Heaven once conceived
in man's own mind
a three pound universe
the same which brought these giants down
tis now the view of Hell unbound
Who were the men, the hands indeed
that set in stone
the hopes, the dreams
birthed by Rome in concrete, stone
Of greatness built to Gods and men
and leveled in seconds by Hell's condemned
A city keens for fallen friends
Yet bent not broken in the final end.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Honestly
Just some random very honest comments from moi:
1) I hate sports. I really think people who are obsessed with certain sports teams are freaks. I mean REALLY OBSESSED. WTF? How do you personally identify so much with a bunch of people playing a GAME?
2) I especially hate USC. They have a superiority complex for no good reason. No, I'm sure someone can tell me a bunch of good reasons they love themselves SO much, but I still hate them. I find most USC fans I've met personally are rather shallow sosh-types. MOST, not all. I have a friend who went there for college who is now a super rich New Yorker and she is a doll. So not everyone who goes there sucks, haha.
Sports-wise: Also, Michael Vick still makes me sick to my stomach and Brett Favre - do your stuff for two years and RETIRE FOR GOOD!
3) I believe in the right for all people to get married. Yes, this means gay people.
4) I have a hard time with people who take the Bible literally. I am Christian by baptism but a skeptic by heart and soul. Hey, God made me that way, right? I mean, I'm sorry. A Virgin birth? Rising from a grave? My empirical self demands more.
5) I struggle with religion but try to be open about a higher power. I just have no concept what that higher power is really like. I like to explore other belief systems. I don't believe I'm going to Hell if I don't believe Jesus is my ONLY Savior. Sorry. I'm not even sure I believe in Hell. Although when I think of people like Hitler, I hope there's a Hell. Heh.
6) I hate people that text and talk on cell phones when they're with you. I think it's beyond rude. I've had to take a few calls from my mom when I'm with people, but overall, I try really hard not to talk on the cell phone and texting is for 12 year olds.
7) I know who my friends are. My enemies, hmmm, not so clear on that. Should probably pay closer attention.
8) Character is everything. Money, job, career, status, car, house, boat, looks...mean nothing to me if your character is lacking.
9) Eddie Izzard is my new hero for running like 40 marathons for charity. And I'm not kidding about that number.
10) Emotionally closed off people bug the shit out of me. I know, it's a person's perogative to never talk about anything going on in their lives, but I have a hard time having relationships with people who never open up. So I tend to be with pretty open people. :)
11) I hate daylight savings time and think it's bullshit it's still light on Halloween when kids go trick or treating. Although sadly it's probably safer for them. We had it SO SO SO good as kids. We could go out alone, in our nice neighborhoods, in the dark, and not be afraid some sex offender was going to kidnap us.
12) People who pay NO attention to ANY news - ugh. You just come across as clueless and ignorant. Try to stay somewhat updated.
13)I admit, I won't watch local news that much. Listen to it on the radio yes, but I find TV local news to be all about death, murder and sensationalism. Maybe I'm locally clueless. Haha.
14) Love is love is love is love. Between a man and a woman, a woman and a woman, a man and a man and me and my cats. Don't get sick thoughts in your head on that last part. Platonic cat love people! ; Note: BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS! None of this NAMBLA sick shit.
15) I don't have the slightest clue how to fix health care. But I know it's fucked up beyond repair now. FUBAR is how I believe they say it in the military. I also believe no one should DIE from lack of health care and NO ONE should have to go BROKE because they've been nailed to the wall by insurance companies and they had the bad luck to get sick.
16) I don't think I could ever work for a health insurance company. I'd hook on the street first. ; )
17) I love my friends without children because they make me feel a little less strange. Didn't Gloria Steinem bust her ass for me to have this choice without people thinking it's odd? I LOVE MY FREEDOM!
18) I really, really, really wish I could get together with Staci, Veleska, Sandy and Holly all at once! I think we'd have a blast. With a lot of liquor of course. :)
19)I try not to regret too much. It is what it is and it was what it was. I did the best I knew at the time. I like that saying. I think I heard it from Maya Angelou. Although I'm paraphrasing.
20) California will always be my home and for that reason I love it, but I hope I get out before I die. L.A. is a cesspool. I just can't figure out where the hell I want to go.
21) My biggest problem with racism, or bigotry or whatever you want to call it, is with the Armenians. I've always admitted that. They took over Glendale, my home town, and by and large, except for a few, they are mean and nasty, isolationist and not friendly. Plus the males tend to drive like maniacs and many don't bathe as often as I might like them to. Ugh.
22)Doctor and lawyer jokes are funny because they're so true.
23) Sometimes I wish I wanted to be something more than a teacher because they aren't really respected (despite the lip service) and make so little money. But I can't seem to get it out of my system.
24) Compassion and helping others - ALL OTHERS - OK even Armenians, haha, isn't that what it's all about?
25) I want to do some grief/bereavement counseling again like I used to. It helped other people and it helped me.
26) One thing I've learned from my experiences in August, life is too precarious and too short to deal with people who are TOO MUCH WORK.
27) I've learned a lot this summer. Life's little lessons. Pay attention.
Just some random very honest comments from moi:
1) I hate sports. I really think people who are obsessed with certain sports teams are freaks. I mean REALLY OBSESSED. WTF? How do you personally identify so much with a bunch of people playing a GAME?
2) I especially hate USC. They have a superiority complex for no good reason. No, I'm sure someone can tell me a bunch of good reasons they love themselves SO much, but I still hate them. I find most USC fans I've met personally are rather shallow sosh-types. MOST, not all. I have a friend who went there for college who is now a super rich New Yorker and she is a doll. So not everyone who goes there sucks, haha.
Sports-wise: Also, Michael Vick still makes me sick to my stomach and Brett Favre - do your stuff for two years and RETIRE FOR GOOD!
3) I believe in the right for all people to get married. Yes, this means gay people.
4) I have a hard time with people who take the Bible literally. I am Christian by baptism but a skeptic by heart and soul. Hey, God made me that way, right? I mean, I'm sorry. A Virgin birth? Rising from a grave? My empirical self demands more.
5) I struggle with religion but try to be open about a higher power. I just have no concept what that higher power is really like. I like to explore other belief systems. I don't believe I'm going to Hell if I don't believe Jesus is my ONLY Savior. Sorry. I'm not even sure I believe in Hell. Although when I think of people like Hitler, I hope there's a Hell. Heh.
6) I hate people that text and talk on cell phones when they're with you. I think it's beyond rude. I've had to take a few calls from my mom when I'm with people, but overall, I try really hard not to talk on the cell phone and texting is for 12 year olds.
7) I know who my friends are. My enemies, hmmm, not so clear on that. Should probably pay closer attention.
8) Character is everything. Money, job, career, status, car, house, boat, looks...mean nothing to me if your character is lacking.
9) Eddie Izzard is my new hero for running like 40 marathons for charity. And I'm not kidding about that number.
10) Emotionally closed off people bug the shit out of me. I know, it's a person's perogative to never talk about anything going on in their lives, but I have a hard time having relationships with people who never open up. So I tend to be with pretty open people. :)
11) I hate daylight savings time and think it's bullshit it's still light on Halloween when kids go trick or treating. Although sadly it's probably safer for them. We had it SO SO SO good as kids. We could go out alone, in our nice neighborhoods, in the dark, and not be afraid some sex offender was going to kidnap us.
12) People who pay NO attention to ANY news - ugh. You just come across as clueless and ignorant. Try to stay somewhat updated.
13)I admit, I won't watch local news that much. Listen to it on the radio yes, but I find TV local news to be all about death, murder and sensationalism. Maybe I'm locally clueless. Haha.
14) Love is love is love is love. Between a man and a woman, a woman and a woman, a man and a man and me and my cats. Don't get sick thoughts in your head on that last part. Platonic cat love people! ; Note: BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS! None of this NAMBLA sick shit.
15) I don't have the slightest clue how to fix health care. But I know it's fucked up beyond repair now. FUBAR is how I believe they say it in the military. I also believe no one should DIE from lack of health care and NO ONE should have to go BROKE because they've been nailed to the wall by insurance companies and they had the bad luck to get sick.
16) I don't think I could ever work for a health insurance company. I'd hook on the street first. ; )
17) I love my friends without children because they make me feel a little less strange. Didn't Gloria Steinem bust her ass for me to have this choice without people thinking it's odd? I LOVE MY FREEDOM!
18) I really, really, really wish I could get together with Staci, Veleska, Sandy and Holly all at once! I think we'd have a blast. With a lot of liquor of course. :)
19)I try not to regret too much. It is what it is and it was what it was. I did the best I knew at the time. I like that saying. I think I heard it from Maya Angelou. Although I'm paraphrasing.
20) California will always be my home and for that reason I love it, but I hope I get out before I die. L.A. is a cesspool. I just can't figure out where the hell I want to go.
21) My biggest problem with racism, or bigotry or whatever you want to call it, is with the Armenians. I've always admitted that. They took over Glendale, my home town, and by and large, except for a few, they are mean and nasty, isolationist and not friendly. Plus the males tend to drive like maniacs and many don't bathe as often as I might like them to. Ugh.
22)Doctor and lawyer jokes are funny because they're so true.
23) Sometimes I wish I wanted to be something more than a teacher because they aren't really respected (despite the lip service) and make so little money. But I can't seem to get it out of my system.
24) Compassion and helping others - ALL OTHERS - OK even Armenians, haha, isn't that what it's all about?
25) I want to do some grief/bereavement counseling again like I used to. It helped other people and it helped me.
26) One thing I've learned from my experiences in August, life is too precarious and too short to deal with people who are TOO MUCH WORK.
27) I've learned a lot this summer. Life's little lessons. Pay attention.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Randomness
1. Again, no brilliant title. Stop waiting for one!
2. I hate when blogger makes me sign in. Like it doesn't recognize me half the time. Hee.
3. Well, tonight Ted Kennedy died. End of an era and all that. Man, he didn't even get close to making it as long as his mother Rose did. I think she was 104 when she died. Even Eunice was 88. Whatever your political views, Ted was an imposing figure in the Senate.
***Update for Wednesday: One of my favorite writers ever died today: Dominick Dunne. I met him at a book signing. He was a classy guy. Really nice. Very sad.
4. Now that my mom has turned 70, everyone who dies in their 70's...it kind of freaks me out. HER mom lived to be 94. In fact, today is my maternal grandma's birthday. She would be 96. I don't think any of us will make it to 94.
5. I've been feeling a little down lately about all the stuff that's happened to me over the last month. I'm still glad to be alive - but the reality of what happened and how I am living now on this medicine, getting my blood taken every week, etc. is really sinking in.
6. School has started for some people. Not for me. Yet.
7. I'm afraid of the Swine Flu. Or the H1N1 virus to be politically correct. Being at schools I'm always getting sick anyway. It's freaking me out.
8.I've reconnected with an old friend via Facebook. This time it's really nice. We've been emailing each other. I forgot she is a good 10 years younger than I am. Jealous! LOL!
9.Getting my hair coloured tomorrow. No more gray!
10. The family is coming out Thursday. Just counting the minutes until my niece is in my arms!
11. Speaking of which, I went to Toys R Us to get her something today and honestly that place is a frickin' NIGHTMARE. Definitely qualifies as one of Dante's circles of Hell. The screams alone...."shudder"
12. Going to try and post a picture of the most hideous lamp I've ever seen. I went to the doctor with my mom (for her this time, not for me) and this doctor's office was something straight out of the 70's. I mean, he fucking had SHAG carpeting! His furniture was priceless. I whipped out my iPhone and took pictures of all of it. It's too good not to share.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Stuff
1. How exciting is THAT title? Stuff!? Sorry kids, it's all I have now.
2. Just went to the dr. All is well. Can exercise. I gained back the stupid fucking measley 5 pounds I lost about a month ago. I feel like I'm going in circles with my weight. I feel like I'm never going to lose this weight. I feel very, very discouraged. Can you tell? I mean, yeah, a few minor, haha, things have gotten in the way of me exercising, but sheesh. I'm so, so tired of being overweight.
3. Everyone told me how great I looked today at the dr.'s office; I must've looked like death last time I went in. I sure felt like it.
4. Got my hair cut yesterday - it's really cute. Maybe that's what everyone was commenting on. Getting it colored next week. I have to get it colored constantly it seems to keep up with the gray.
5. Might be going to Vegas after all in September after my brother leaves.
6. Brother, sister-in-law and adorable, precious niece coming in next Thursday night. I CANNOT WAIT! I cannot wait to smother my niece with hugs and kisses. I love that little girl more than life!
7. Have to take my car to the dealer tomorrow. Don't want to but the damn thing is emitting white smoke when I start it. Also, I have a headlight out and the rear defroster button is broken. My car is almost 11 years old. I want to keep driving it until I hit 200,000 miles. I am at 143,000 now. I'm sure this is going to cost me a fortune.
8. My fucking insurance, Blue Shield PPO, is refusing to pay for the last 2 1/2 days of my hospital stay. I have to file a grievance. I'd like to give them a grievance in the groin. Motherfuckers. Words have no power to express how much I hate health insurance companies. I've given them literally tens of thousands of dollars over the last 16 years in premiums and they're fighting me on my first hospital stay. Well I WILL fight. I will fight them like nobody's business. I am a TAURUS! My motto is: Fuck with the bull and you will get the horns people!
9. I couldn't tell you what Obama's plan is for health insurance for this country if you held a gun to my head. It's not that I don't care, it's that I'm so confused I can't even figure it out. I have a feeling I'm not the only one who's this confused.
10. I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen in terms of work for me. Will I be subbing for LAUSD again? I'm supposed to, but who the hell knows. I sent out about 70 resumes and did not get ONE call or ONE interview. Things are so bad here it's unbelievable. The idea of spending another year subbing makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out, but again, I can't make as much money doing anything else. I'm just acting like Scarlett O'Hara and I keep going "I'll just think about that tomorrow."
11. I am so addicted to Twitter I have almost totally abandoned Facebook. I LOVE TWITTER! It's pathetic the people I follow. Yes, I follow celebrities. Laugh away and mock me! Go ahead.
12. I am experimenting with different Coumandin dosages now (per my doctor's orders) because I can't seem to get to the magic number - the number called an INR (internationalized normal ratio) which is between 2-3. I am only at 1.48 which means my blood is too thick. Needs to be thinned out more.
13. Yesterday I shaved my legs and you would've thought I was doing brain surgery I was so careful. NOT ONE NICK OR CUT! Am I good or what.
14. Words couldn't adequately express how happy I am to be alive but it's strange having to do all these new things. Oh well, small price to pay, right?
Right.
1. How exciting is THAT title? Stuff!? Sorry kids, it's all I have now.
2. Just went to the dr. All is well. Can exercise. I gained back the stupid fucking measley 5 pounds I lost about a month ago. I feel like I'm going in circles with my weight. I feel like I'm never going to lose this weight. I feel very, very discouraged. Can you tell? I mean, yeah, a few minor, haha, things have gotten in the way of me exercising, but sheesh. I'm so, so tired of being overweight.
3. Everyone told me how great I looked today at the dr.'s office; I must've looked like death last time I went in. I sure felt like it.
4. Got my hair cut yesterday - it's really cute. Maybe that's what everyone was commenting on. Getting it colored next week. I have to get it colored constantly it seems to keep up with the gray.
5. Might be going to Vegas after all in September after my brother leaves.
6. Brother, sister-in-law and adorable, precious niece coming in next Thursday night. I CANNOT WAIT! I cannot wait to smother my niece with hugs and kisses. I love that little girl more than life!
7. Have to take my car to the dealer tomorrow. Don't want to but the damn thing is emitting white smoke when I start it. Also, I have a headlight out and the rear defroster button is broken. My car is almost 11 years old. I want to keep driving it until I hit 200,000 miles. I am at 143,000 now. I'm sure this is going to cost me a fortune.
8. My fucking insurance, Blue Shield PPO, is refusing to pay for the last 2 1/2 days of my hospital stay. I have to file a grievance. I'd like to give them a grievance in the groin. Motherfuckers. Words have no power to express how much I hate health insurance companies. I've given them literally tens of thousands of dollars over the last 16 years in premiums and they're fighting me on my first hospital stay. Well I WILL fight. I will fight them like nobody's business. I am a TAURUS! My motto is: Fuck with the bull and you will get the horns people!
9. I couldn't tell you what Obama's plan is for health insurance for this country if you held a gun to my head. It's not that I don't care, it's that I'm so confused I can't even figure it out. I have a feeling I'm not the only one who's this confused.
10. I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen in terms of work for me. Will I be subbing for LAUSD again? I'm supposed to, but who the hell knows. I sent out about 70 resumes and did not get ONE call or ONE interview. Things are so bad here it's unbelievable. The idea of spending another year subbing makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out, but again, I can't make as much money doing anything else. I'm just acting like Scarlett O'Hara and I keep going "I'll just think about that tomorrow."
11. I am so addicted to Twitter I have almost totally abandoned Facebook. I LOVE TWITTER! It's pathetic the people I follow. Yes, I follow celebrities. Laugh away and mock me! Go ahead.
12. I am experimenting with different Coumandin dosages now (per my doctor's orders) because I can't seem to get to the magic number - the number called an INR (internationalized normal ratio) which is between 2-3. I am only at 1.48 which means my blood is too thick. Needs to be thinned out more.
13. Yesterday I shaved my legs and you would've thought I was doing brain surgery I was so careful. NOT ONE NICK OR CUT! Am I good or what.
14. Words couldn't adequately express how happy I am to be alive but it's strange having to do all these new things. Oh well, small price to pay, right?
Right.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
HOT HOT HOT!
I know, I've nothing to complain about as I'm not living in Phoenix or Vegas but for us it's hot here. I'm already sick of it. Is summer over yet? I seem to recall someone else asking that. ;)
Went to Curves today after an almost two week break due to illness, etc. Man, it was brutal. You really do have to keep exercising constantly or you lose it.
Have to drive into Burbank for an appointment today. I want to encase my car in ice.
Had lunch yesterday with my bestest of all best friends, Cheri, and her lovely daughter Megan. Megan is 21 and really the sweetest girl. I remember being 21 once. Haha.
The cats are spread out like roadkill - and I've got the A/C cranked. I think they can still sense how brutally hot it is outside.
Starting to PMS. I can tell because I want to eat the world. Getting weighed and measured Wed. at Curves so cannot eat the world. So unfair.
My summer is excruciatingly boring, hence this boring blog. Sorry folks. Perhaps some excitement (GOOD!) will come into my life later. Heh.
I know, I've nothing to complain about as I'm not living in Phoenix or Vegas but for us it's hot here. I'm already sick of it. Is summer over yet? I seem to recall someone else asking that. ;)
Went to Curves today after an almost two week break due to illness, etc. Man, it was brutal. You really do have to keep exercising constantly or you lose it.
Have to drive into Burbank for an appointment today. I want to encase my car in ice.
Had lunch yesterday with my bestest of all best friends, Cheri, and her lovely daughter Megan. Megan is 21 and really the sweetest girl. I remember being 21 once. Haha.
The cats are spread out like roadkill - and I've got the A/C cranked. I think they can still sense how brutally hot it is outside.
Starting to PMS. I can tell because I want to eat the world. Getting weighed and measured Wed. at Curves so cannot eat the world. So unfair.
My summer is excruciatingly boring, hence this boring blog. Sorry folks. Perhaps some excitement (GOOD!) will come into my life later. Heh.
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