Stuff

1. How exciting is THAT title? Stuff!? Sorry kids, it's all I have now.

2. Just went to the dr. All is well. Can exercise. I gained back the stupid fucking measley 5 pounds I lost about a month ago. I feel like I'm going in circles with my weight. I feel like I'm never going to lose this weight. I feel very, very discouraged. Can you tell? I mean, yeah, a few minor, haha, things have gotten in the way of me exercising, but sheesh. I'm so, so tired of being overweight.

3. Everyone told me how great I looked today at the dr.'s office; I must've looked like death last time I went in. I sure felt like it.

4. Got my hair cut yesterday - it's really cute. Maybe that's what everyone was commenting on. Getting it colored next week. I have to get it colored constantly it seems to keep up with the gray.

5. Might be going to Vegas after all in September after my brother leaves.

6. Brother, sister-in-law and adorable, precious niece coming in next Thursday night. I CANNOT WAIT! I cannot wait to smother my niece with hugs and kisses. I love that little girl more than life!

7. Have to take my car to the dealer tomorrow. Don't want to but the damn thing is emitting white smoke when I start it. Also, I have a headlight out and the rear defroster button is broken. My car is almost 11 years old. I want to keep driving it until I hit 200,000 miles. I am at 143,000 now. I'm sure this is going to cost me a fortune.

8. My fucking insurance, Blue Shield PPO, is refusing to pay for the last 2 1/2 days of my hospital stay. I have to file a grievance. I'd like to give them a grievance in the groin. Motherfuckers. Words have no power to express how much I hate health insurance companies. I've given them literally tens of thousands of dollars over the last 16 years in premiums and they're fighting me on my first hospital stay. Well I WILL fight. I will fight them like nobody's business. I am a TAURUS! My motto is: Fuck with the bull and you will get the horns people!

9. I couldn't tell you what Obama's plan is for health insurance for this country if you held a gun to my head. It's not that I don't care, it's that I'm so confused I can't even figure it out. I have a feeling I'm not the only one who's this confused.

10. I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen in terms of work for me. Will I be subbing for LAUSD again? I'm supposed to, but who the hell knows. I sent out about 70 resumes and did not get ONE call or ONE interview. Things are so bad here it's unbelievable. The idea of spending another year subbing makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out, but again, I can't make as much money doing anything else. I'm just acting like Scarlett O'Hara and I keep going "I'll just think about that tomorrow."

11. I am so addicted to Twitter I have almost totally abandoned Facebook. I LOVE TWITTER! It's pathetic the people I follow. Yes, I follow celebrities. Laugh away and mock me! Go ahead.

12. I am experimenting with different Coumandin dosages now (per my doctor's orders) because I can't seem to get to the magic number - the number called an INR (internationalized normal ratio) which is between 2-3. I am only at 1.48 which means my blood is too thick. Needs to be thinned out more.

13. Yesterday I shaved my legs and you would've thought I was doing brain surgery I was so careful. NOT ONE NICK OR CUT! Am I good or what.

14. Words couldn't adequately express how happy I am to be alive but it's strange having to do all these new things. Oh well, small price to pay, right?

Right.

Ummm...


Well, that was all quite exciting. Not. My dad always told me to never complain that I'm bored. It's true! The Fates are listening and they'll dish out any old kind of 'excitement' for you! LOL! That's all I have to say on THAT.

HOT HOT HOT!

I know, I've nothing to complain about as I'm not living in Phoenix or Vegas but for us it's hot here. I'm already sick of it. Is summer over yet? I seem to recall someone else asking that. ;)

Went to Curves today after an almost two week break due to illness, etc. Man, it was brutal. You really do have to keep exercising constantly or you lose it.

Have to drive into Burbank for an appointment today. I want to encase my car in ice.

Had lunch yesterday with my bestest of all best friends, Cheri, and her lovely daughter Megan. Megan is 21 and really the sweetest girl. I remember being 21 once. Haha.

The cats are spread out like roadkill - and I've got the A/C cranked. I think they can still sense how brutally hot it is outside.

Starting to PMS. I can tell because I want to eat the world. Getting weighed and measured Wed. at Curves so cannot eat the world. So unfair.

My summer is excruciatingly boring, hence this boring blog. Sorry folks. Perhaps some excitement (GOOD!) will come into my life later. Heh.

To Hell and Back

I am not exaggerating when I say that this stomach flu I've had has truly been the worse flu I've EVER had. In fact the last time I even HAD the stomach flu was over 20 years ago; I was in COLLEGE.

I don't want to bore you or gross you out but suffice it to say Friday I started feeling sick. I still managed to go to my mom's for dinner, which was good because she ended up taking me to the hospital Saturday night after I'd been throwing up ALLLLLL DAY. People, there was NOTHING TO THROW UP. I could NOT STOP DRY HEAVING! I couldn't even breathe. I also had horrible pain in my stomach. I couldn't rest, and I started getting really scared. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. Luckily I had stayed with my mom and she drove me the 7 minutes or so to the hospital. I swear we know that friggin' ER TOO WELL! Last year, I kid you not, this very week, my mom went there and had to have an emergency gall bladder surgery. JESUS!

13 years ago I went to that ER for severe food poisoning and 4 years ago my mom had to go in for food poisoning too. I HATE THAT ER!

And let me tell you, the palliative (sp) care I got this time was HORRIBLE. And they weren't even that busy. They were supposed to give me some pain meds for the stomach pain; they didn't. I was so freaked out I did get some Ativan to calm me down, and some anti-nausea medicine and fluids. That's it. They don't even have those flat horrible pillows! I was freezing and they had one thin sheet! 13 years ago I was treated like a princess. I wonder what's happened. Less staff? Shittier management? Cost cutting absolutely.

My mom was so funny. She's like "We're not flying this airline again! No pillows, no blankets...haha." Hell you don't even get that shit on a plane anymore unless you're in first class.

Anyway, I still feel very tired and weak but thank GOD I have been able to eat some and my stomach is better. I swear I am afraid of food now! I am back home and the cats are freaking out because they missed me. Translated: The cats are freaking out because they missed getting their Fancy Feast and had to survive three days on dry kibble and water.

Honestly, I am so sick of getting sick. I would like to go six friggin' months without ONE ILLNESS!

Anyway. That's my story. I tried to spare you the grossest details. I'll be back more later with other comments.

Ciao friends!

Ouch

1. Fibro pain really, really bad this week. Don't know why. Probably no REASON why. Nothing is helping. I am literally doing nothing today.

2. Please God, let the Michael Jackson shit die down now. He's had two memorial/funeral services. EVERYONE STOP WORSHIPPING THIS SAD DEAD MAN! Move on creeps. Nothing more to see here.

3. I have my first month weigh in at Curves Friday. Great week to have it. I can barely move. I went yesterday and managed to do the whole workout...but the pain the pain! (No Fantasy Island jokes here please)

4. I really detest summer and now we're smack dab in the middle of it. I just thought I'd share that.

5. I bought my mom Bette Midler tickets for her 70th birthday in August. Yes, we're fucking nuts. We're going to Vegas in the middle of August. Apparently we are suckers for cruel, unrelenting heat. I haven't been to Vegas in about 8 years.

6. I have a lot of errands to run but the brakes are on - pain is making me sit around and do NOTHING. Sucks.

7. I have a friend going into well, honestly, rehab tomorrow. I'm a little worried for her. She's basically being forced to do it by her family and it's the kind of rehab where they detox you with drugs. I know she's scared. She um, has a really close, too close, relationship with wine. I've only known my dad to be in rehab; never anyone else.

8. That's about all that's going on here. I'm going to attach a pic of my adorable niece and her dad. It's too cute for words. Ella was really tired when this photo was taken. She has a scary kind of maturity to her as well - sometimes the way she looks - it's like she's an 'old soul.'

Happy Birthday America

Today is Independence Day, more commonly known to Americans as the 4th of July. I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to the soldiers who are currently engaged in any way to protect America or fight for freedom for others; especially those in Afghanistan right now.

I also want to say I never take my freedom for granted. America is not a perfect country by far; I have many, many issues with it, its foreign policies with other countries, its corporate whoring ways....I could go on and on. But I do have freedoms so many others in the world do not have and for that I am eternally grateful.

I think of Neda, the young girl shot in Iran, shot and killed for what? Standing outside amongst a group of protesters? I have the right to protest my government without fear of repercussions. I have the freedom to burn the flag, to scream in the streets "I hate the government!" without fear of ending up with a bullet in my chest. I can go where I want, with whom I want. I can travel freely (with a passport of course, haha) and worship whatever god or gods I wish to worship.

I cannot yell "Fire" in a crowded theater without getting in trouble. So I think there are some limits to my freedoms. ; )

But basically I have a great life - the freedom to choose my own path in life (I apparently chose a tough one, ha), the freedom to succeed, to fail, to come and go, to vote or not vote, to believe in God or believe in small green gnomes...you get the idea.

I have these freedoms because of so many people that came before me who fought and often died for their beliefs, their ideals, their values...for my chance to live with the freedoms they only dreamt of.

I have the freedom to end a sentence with a preposition.

God Bless the nameless, faceless Others, who fought, died and won this day for me and so many others.

I am not a particularly patriotic person. But today I am. Because freedom ISN'T free and sometimes it's important we remember that. I know I do, today.

Back to Reality

Hello kids, I'm back from my vacation in Palm Springs. This was the one we were originally going to take in April. The heat didn't get really bad until the day we left; we were really lucky. I had a FABOO time swimming, getting a massage, going in the 'mineral waters' at the spa, losing about $25 at the casino on slots (damn machines wouldn't give me ANYTHING) and going off my diet and eating too much. Oh well.

I'm back and going to Curves later and back to eating so I will lose weight.

Oh something huge and horrible - a rock or brick flew up at my car on the freeway and just shattered the passenger side of my windshield. THANK GOD I was alone, it didn't penetrate the windshield or hit my side because I would've freaked even more than I did. But the Glass Doctor (I swear that's their name) came to my apt. today and gave me a new windshield for $270. Not bad. So now I have a nice new CLEAR windshield. My other one was a bit beat up as the car is going on 11 years old. I love my car and hope to push it to 200,000 miles. I'm at 142,000 now.

Nothing much else new. I was about to go down for my massage in Palm Springs when I read on Twitter about Michael Jackson. Oddly, I don't feel much about his death. I actually feel kind of bad about that. I just wasn't a fan; although there's no denying he was incredibly gifted. I think he was a very mixed up, sad soul. I feel bad for his kids and family.

I am putting more resumes out; I'm definitely NOT working this summer. I get my last paycheck this Friday. Something's got to give at some point, I swear.

I really don't have much more to say. Seriously, back to reality. I did bills earlier, mailed them, went to the market and am glad it's only 86 degrees here. I'm going to make an appointment to get my eyebrows waxed. I'm telling you, it's really and truly exciting in my life!

For My Dad

Stream of consciousness Father's Day. So many I never felt anything; I normally don't like these contrived 'holidays' anyway...my Dad's birthday is June 25th...it was always so hard to get him both a Father's Day gift AND a separate birthday gift. Funny I heard something on the radio that would've been perfect for him...oh well, too late.

It's my 14th Father's Day without my Dad and some years were so easy peasy...after 13 years I honestly can go days, weeks without thinking too much about my dad. It's like he was part of a different world; well it was different then, I was only 28 years old...just a pup...when he died and so much has happened in the last 13 years. I often wonder where I'd begin if he could come back and I could tell him the story of my life and of the world - all the amazing and horrible things that have occurred over the last 13 years. Dad, let me tell you what 9/11 means...

Who knows, maybe he knows it all, maybe he knows more than I do...it's a nice thought. I don't know where he is, if he is, I don't even think about it anymore. I obsessed on it for a couple of years after he died...where did he go? WHERE DID HE GO? Then I let it go for the sake of sanity.

My dad was above all, and below all his failings and faults (and Jesus there were many - you know, alcoholic, violent temper, etc. etc.) a good and decent man. He cried when he accidentally ran over a cat once. He loved his cat Tamarin that I gave him, even though she was kind of a bitch. He deserved better. He made me so angry when he let her out and she got knocked up with 5 kittens but I have two of those kittens now...14 year old kittens and how I cherish them and worship them. One of them was his...Fletcher...Fletcher has a crooked tail and I know my dad identified with her the most (yes it's a her - don't ask about the name - long story) because my dad had a bad back. That's like saying we had some minor problems on 9/11. My dad had a hideous back that put him in constant, unrelenting, chronic severe pain every single day from February 16, 1981 until the day he died, February 12, 1996. Fifteen years of agony and I really am glad he's out of it. He deserved a better life than he got but hey, sometimes don't we all?

My dad was generous to a FAULT. Probably the most generous person I've ever met. I think I got that from him and sometimes being too generous will get you into trouble. He spoiled us rotten from the lavish Christmases he gave us to buying me a new car after my Audi's accelerator got stuck on the freeway and almost killed me when I was 22. I remember him at the Nissan dealer, buying me that cherry red Nissan. He was in so much pain. I remember him holding his back. He took too many pills but now that I know chronic pain, I kind of understand.

He was generous with HIMSELF. He was a Renaissance man. He was brilliant and I'm not just saying that because he was my dad. He truly had amazing ideas - problem was he started one thing and never finished and was on to another in no time...he could talk about anything and everything and he did. He loved Classical music and movies and I can't tell you the times I caught him watching the ORIGINAL movie version of The Producers with Zero Mostel and he LOVED it and I think he would've been tickled to see that they took it to Broadway...although maybe not so tickled to see a remake of the movie. He loved Victory at Sea and anything having to do with World War II. He watched TV so much after he hurt his back...he taught me so much about movies, about actors and actresses way before my time. He loved sports and I know I didn't get THAT gene from him, haha, because I basically hate sports but he'd watch anything from hockey to baseball to NASCAR...whatever was on he'd watch it. He LOVED boxing and even when I said "How can you watch two men just pummel the shit out of each other" he kept watching.

He loved art, and history and oh yeah, art history; I think he loved that I was studying it. We talked about artists and paintings and he loved architecture and sailing and woodworking and industrial design and we talked about it all. He watched CNN relentlessly and we sat and talked about news and politics and I am so so so so so grateful for all the time I spent with him before he died. Just talking. Eating, talking, drinking Pepsi.

Oh yeah, forget the vodka, my dad was addicted to PEPSI - he drank so much of it I'm surprised it wasn't flowing through his veins. Towards the last few years of his life I did his grocery shopping for him and I bought so damned much Pepsi. Every time I came over he'd say "Hi Nee Pie, want a Pepsi?" See, Nee Pie was one of his nicknames for me and I can't even type it without tears running down my face because even though sometimes I have a hard time remembering him, remembering his voice, I can always, always, always hear him saying THAT so clearly.

He worked in real estate, both private and commercial, and he was brilliant at making money. But he sucked at keeping it, haha. I unfortunately am not brilliant at making money but I did seem to inherit the 'suck at keeping it' part, although I've gotten much, much better. He made enough though that for many years we lived a very very nice life and I have been taken care of since he died and for that I am eternally grateful. He was a charmer, a natural born salesman. I hate sales. I couldn't sell you anything - even for free.

He talked so much sometimes you wanted to scream, or strangle him, or even yourself. I think it was a nervous tic or something. He really talked and talked and talked. I think he got more talking done in his 53 years than a lot of people do who live until their 90's.

He talked to me about everything. I could call him with any problem and Lord knows I did. I had a lot of issues in my early 20's and he talked to me whenever, wherever. He was there for me in my 20's - he was working too hard at two or three jobs when I was young to be there for me. I understand that now. My mom had two jobs then - mother and father.

He LOVED cars. He had a lot of fancy cars in his life. Two BMW's, two Cadillacs (one of them was a white El Dorado that I called the Pimp Mobile), a Jaguar, a black Alfa Romeo, an Audi...he just loved cars.

He had really white skin - it was the Irish in him and burned so easily. I got his skin. He had skin cancer on his face a few times. This is why I live with sunscreen and have never tried to get a tan. He had the curliest hair; my niece's hair reminds me of my dad's hair. In his later years he had a balding spot. When he drove, he drove about 5 miles an hour, which drove ME nuts, and with his left arm resting on the door, he'd sit and curl one piece of hair until it stood straight out of his head like a corkscrew. It was a riot.

He showed up for all my big events - pain or not. He died three months before I graduated with my M.A. So I guessed he missed that big event.

Speaking of big, he was a BIG MAN. A TALL MAN. He was 6'4" and damn, why didn't I just get a couple more inches from him? He was never really fat at all (and when he did gain weight he could lose it faster than anyone I know) but he was a BIG guy. Very imposing.

He loved animals and was compassionate and had a pretty open mind; he talked about his gay water delivery man and I think if he were alive now he'd vote for gay marriage.

He bought my brother and I our first computers - plus laser printers! He always bought the best for us. He was a slob; between me and his maid it was all we could do to keep his house in order.

He LOVED magazines. He'd read ANY kind of magazine. He read about architecture and oil painting and interior design and sailboats and woodworking and cars and airplanes and the ones I hated the most, guns. He collected guns and that was the biggest point of contention with us - I was against the NRA, he was for it, and I didn't understand his fascination with guns. He never went hunting or shooting for any reason....all the guns were unused. So we clashed over that over and over.

He loved fine dining - and boy did I get that from him! My dad and mom took us to some of the finest restaurants in cities across the U.S. as KIDS...L.A., San Francisco, New York...he truly loved food. He loved fancy food and he loved low down messy food...a good sub sandwich was his idea of heaven. With about three Pepsi's of course.

This was my father. BTW his name is Dennis and I swear my mom insists they didn't name me after him - they never even made the connection. Notice I said his name IS Dennis. Because it IS and he IS still my father and he LIVES in my heart and no matter how much times goes by I will always be his Nee Pie.

Sanity Already Returning...Slowly

1. Even I had to laugh at my last blog. It was pretty out there and funny.

2. This is your friendly prison warden reminding you that I AM DONE FOR SUMMER!

3. Well at least I think I'm done. There's no summer school and not that many year round schools.

4. I just flirted with a news guy on Twitter (he does the news on one of our biggest talk radio stations) and he added me as a friend on Facebook. I feel like a teenager! Squee! He's really cute and has a sexxxxay voice.

5. How old am I?

6. Glad S is feeling better. Still pissed I can't go to the wedding.

7. Don't let the fact that I haven't talked much about missing the Church show fool you. I feel really sad about it. But frankly, I feel much better physically this week and that takes priority.

8. I feel badly (bad? what the hell kind of English teacher am I going to be?) about the kids who were planning to see the band in Kansas City. Kansas? KC? Who knows. Somewhere in flyover country as we Angelenos like to say.

9. My gay boyfriend Anderson Cooper's airplane was hit by lightning today. God doesn't know who He's messing with here!He needs to stop scaring my Anderson!

10. I have to go to a bank tomorrow and deal with a CD. Interest rates SUCK. I might be lucky enough to get 2.25% on my CD. I remember getting 7% once. Of course I also remember the Carter years...not that I had CD's back then...but still. 11, 12%? Crazeeeee.

11. We are still going to Palm Springs even though it's going to be brutally hot. Fuck it. I've been there in 115 degree weather. I'm getting a massage, going to the movies and gambling with the money I don't have. I'll also swim in the pool at 6am when it's only 95 degrees. Hahahahahaa. Heh. Can you say shitloads of sunscreen and a hat? Plus water and a spray bottle?

12. I heard today LAUSD is laying off 2,000 more workers. They ran out of stimulus money. What, do they fucking burn it as soon as they get it?

13. I am out of cat food. This is a scary prospect as the cats start looking at me funny. Mmmm...hungry.

14. I am super superstitious. I can't stop this blog on #13. Sorry. Deal with my eccentricities people!

Hey You Idiot Motherfuckers Quit Driving Me Crazy

I am at school now. Today is my last day. Not THE last day, but MY last day. These monkeys are on crack and I've had it for the year. Friday is officially the last day. I ha.te this piece of crap computer I am on. I just thought I'd share all my negativity with you.

I just told the class to quit driving me crazy. I kept the "motherfuckers" part in my head. I think.

There is one kid in here I want to put on a slow boat to China. The entire class is playing with decks of cards. Do I care? They could be having a cockfight and as long as they're not bothering me I do not care.

I have a free period next period. 5th period. Awesome I am going to turn out the lights and take one of my mini naps. Which is kind of uncomfortable at a desk but it beats dealing with these hyenas for another period. So far no one has broke anything, glued anything down, although I'd like to glue this girl's mouth shut. If this kid was my daughter I'd slap her face so hard her head would spin right off her neck.

They are running now. I have to go break some balls.

Randomness

1. I didn't work today. Frankly after last week, I needed today. Friday is the last day of school. I think the kids will be worse than howler monkeys at that point. Wish I had a tranquilizer gun. Uh oh, shouldn't say gun!

2. Am going to Curves in less than an hour. I'm working up a sweat just thinking about it.

3. Ok, this June gloom is making me want to slit my wrists. BUT I say that with a caveat: it has to hang on through next week. Why? Because I think we're going to make another stab at going to Palm Springs. If June gloom hangs around, PS won't be 115 degrees.


4. I really, really, really want to get out of here for a while.

5. My cryptic comment of the day: No matter what some people do, they inevitably make you feel like shit. (Don't worry loyal blog readers, this has nothing to do with you!)

5. I'm totally bummed I'm going to miss S's wedding. :(

6. The great thing about working out is that it's OK to look like shit.

7. My cat Fletcher LOVES to sit by the power cords and the surge protector under my desk. WTF? I keep kicking her out but she always goes back. Weird.

8. Catz says I have lots to say - not this time! I can't even get to 10!

*9. Update: I just got home from my workout at Curves! I feel great! However, I will be glad to get my third workout done; they require someone to be 'teaching' you the proper way to use the machines, etc. the first three workouts and I'd like to start working out on my own. But wow, I wish I'd joined sooner. Ya'll should see how red my face is though, haha.

A Really Bad Week

1. I had the hardest classes this week and am totally exhausted. Someone broke the door knobs off one of the doors; another kid actually stole one of the door knobs.

2. Another genius decided to pour white glue all over the remaining door's door knobs, counter, floor and carpet near the door. It took me forever to get it cleaned up.

3. I had my first session at Curves and it was really tough. My fibromyalgia has been really, really bad this week and I was more wiped out than I thought I would be. I am SO out of shape it's sad. But I'm going back tomorrow.

4.This is going to come as a shock to some people, but I didn't make it to the Church show. Thursday was a nightmare day. I woke up at 4 am, never went back to sleep, had the class from hell, went to get my hair done, and was in MASSIVE PAIN. I decided I just couldn't go to the concert. I'm sorry to disappoint those who were waiting for a review and you may think I'm nuts but when I get in this kind of pain I can't push myself or I will pay for it. My health comes first now. After 15 years of pushing and pushing, I have finally learned sometimes I can't do things. There was no way I could make a 3 hour round trip to stand in a club in pain and see the band.

5. Yes, I was kind of disappointed. But not as much as I would've been had I forced myself to get in more pain. Sorry kids.

6. I saw The Hangover last night. Funny, but really crude. Maybe a little crude for me.

7. I feel like death warmed over today. This is the last week of school. As much as I don't relish living on savings for two months, I also can't wait to get away from these monster kids.

8. Some woman who works at the school I was at this week came up behind me and said "You're my hero. After everything you've been through, you still show up. You're not going to let these kids beat you." I said, no I'm just glutton for punishment. But in a way she is right. I refuse to be cow -towed by a bunch of immigrant kids who don't even appreciate or want the education we are giving them FOR FREE. Sorry if I sound racist. But I am sick of them mocking the flag, mocking the flag salute and bitching about the teachers and school. Why don't they fucking quit. I'm not some jingoistic patriot. I actually don't like saying the flag salute. But I do it. I respect the freedoms I have and the things I get that other countries would never give me.

9. I also need the paycheck desperately. You all know that.

10.This is really gross, but I think my cat Zoe has acne on her chin. My other cat Fletcher had it and it went away. It's nasty. I hope this just goes away and I don't have to take her to the vet. Ick.

11. I am still eating well, SLOWLY SLOWLY losing weight. I am anxious to go back to Curves but also, anxious it will make the fibro flare up. But I will do ANYTHING to get this weight off.

12. Sorry for the disappointing news and bummer blog. That's the way it is though and it sucks but I just have to ride it out until I feel better.

FUCK YOU BLOGGER!

Blogger just erased my whole blog. I'm not retyping now. Will type again later.

Damn you!

Nice

Am at work again. At the "good" school. Was feeling OK until I read Catz's blog. Wow, what a way to call someone out on something. Instead of writing me a private email asking me not to call her at night, she makes my name the title of her blog and lets everyone know how irritated with me she is. So yeah, I'm feeling like shit now; who wouldn't? I don't know what I did that was so bad I should be publicly chastised on a blog. I was trying to be a friend; I wasn't calling at midnight and didn't know it was such a terrible time to call. I know things are hellish right now for her - hence my worry and my call. I'm sorry I was a bother. Fuck it.

I must be a real fuck-up if I can't even be a friend correctly to someone. If there's a problem with me, I always want to hear about it. I just don't feel I need to be chastised like a child in front of other blog readers.

Just my opinion. Don't worry, I WILL NOT make the mistake of calling again, at any time.

Back in the Trenches

I am writing this on an old eMac at a school on my lunch hour so I don't know how it's going to look. The format of blogger different on here for some reason.

Well anyway, I am NOT back at the school where the bitch stole my phone. And my iPhone isn't with me anymore. I have an old phone with another number I have brought with me and I put my purse in a drawer. This may not solve everything but it's better than having my iPhone here.

I am at probably the best middle school there is in my area to work at. I just couldn't up and quit; what with my mom loaning me money, etc. I feel obligated to work and contribute somehow until I can figure something else out. School is out on June 19th; I don't if or how much I'll work after that.

So yeah, the Dean at the school where the bitch stole my phone is pretty much a miracle worker and a pro at getting things back. He basically shook down the whole class and made them rat out who did it. I think she probably confessed in the end. I don't know what's going to happen to her. I think she'll be suspended. Being a thief - she should get in trouble with the cops. But I'm sure they didn't throw her to the cops.

I didn't think I'd work this morning. I was sitting in bed at 8:30 a.m. when the phone rang - that's considered a really late call, as they usually call around 5:30 a.m.

I don't know what I'm going to do, but I"m trying to be calm, not panic and just think, meditate and pray on it for now.

OH hell lunch is over already. This is the most boring blog ever. Apologies.

Quick Update

They got my phone back. The bitch who took it erased all my contacts and pictures and took the case it was in, BUT I HAVE IT BACK! It's a miracle. More later.

My Life in Ruins

Yesterday in 5th period all hell broke loose. Some fucking scumbag stole my iPhone out of my purse when I was IN the room. Brazen fuck. I'm sure they're really impressed with themselves. The class was wild. I had to call three security officers.

I'm going to quit. I can't do this anymore. Last week they stole my water bottle. A fucking water bottle. I'm going to get hurt if I continue on this path.

Or I'm going to hurt someone else. With a baseball bat. To the head.

If you think I'm being harsh, you haven't spent any time with these sociopathic criminals. I will refrain from saying what I really want to say hence I offend anyone with my comments. But I could not care less if these shitheads got struck by lightning.

It's NOT the iPhone that has me so upset. I have to go file a police report today. It sucks. It's a hassle. But I can and WILL get another one and I am going to do my best to see that LAUSD risk management reimburses me for at least part of it.

I feel violated. I feel unsafe. I feel like God is telling me I am going in the wrong direction. I can't do this anymore. And yet what will I do to make money? All I have is experience teaching - for the last 10 years that's all I've done.

I know this isn't open heart surgery and I say this with ALL seriousness. But I have been so unhappy for so long and I just want to go in a new direction with my life. I don't even know where to begin.

I get to see the little thieves later today after I file the police report. Yesterday AT & T did a GPS tracking on my phone; sure enough, it was exactly where I thought it would be - near the school. While I was 45 miles away.

These kids have pathetic lives. I hope the phone makes the kid happy. Naturally I cut off all service to it and killed the SIM card inside it. But I'm sure these crafty criminals know how to fire it up again.

They threw pencils at me yesterday and basically ran around like animals. They ARE animals. Actually, I love animals and that's an insult to them.

They're bottom feeders with no place in society.

No place in society - kind of how I feel right now.

P.S. The good news in all this is that before I got control of my eating, this would've sent me on a HUGE binge. At first I almost started to think, I want to eat...and then I realized how much weight I've lost, or rather how good I feel now...and I thought do you really want to make this worse TOO? Over some scumbag gangbanger kid? So I ate a regular dinner and went to bed. I'm really proud of myself. I still probably have 20-30 pounds to lose so I am NOT thin yet....but I am a helluva lot thinner that I was a month ago.

Not Functioning at 100% - More Like 5%

Haha. What happens when twice in one month you forget to take your Pill? Well, if you're having sex, you might get pregnant. But since that isn't an issue for me, something else happens. Your cycle gets really fucked up and let me just say that having INTENSE PMS while you're having your period is just oh so fun.

Sorry if this is TMI people, but it's what's going on. I'm crying, I miss my dad, I miss my grandmas, my grandpa, my sanity. Summer school has been cancelled and I'm worrying about money for this summer like crazy. People are sending back my resumes. I'm ready to throw in the towel on teaching. Maybe I should do what Veleska is doing.

In short, I'm a basket case now. My fibromyalgia is also acting up big time.

The only good news is I've lost a little more weight. I don't have a secret. I'm eating very few carbs, a lot of salads and probably turning slightly green. I've cut my caloric intake down quite a bit. Still haven't started exercising though. Eating much more healthy. Which is good because after what's happened to D, I am terrified for my poor heart and arteries. All those years of abuse...food abuse that is. At least I didn't/don't smoke and rarely drink. Although maybe I should start drinking. My BP has always been low too, which is good I guess.

Am working Monday; some teacher caught me leaving Friday and asked me to work for her. I think I must look trustworthy or something. A lot of teachers have been requesting me lately. The saddest thing is I know I'd be a very good teacher; the economy is just so bad there's NOTHING out there now. I feel like a broken record; like all my blogs are the same.

I'm really happy for S and D and the news that perhaps soon they shall be ONE....haha. Seriously, what wonderful news. :D

At least there's that! Because I've got hormones running amuck in me making me feel like it's all so worthless.

When is it my turn? When do I get to meet someone wonderful? I know, I know, I have to 'get out there." When someone can figure out where OUT is, I'll go there.

School is out on the 19th. I don't know how much I'll work - some schools run all year - through the summer, so I might work a little. Who knows and who cares.

I'm so ready to delete this blog. This is the ugly, sad, self-pitying part of me. Not pretty huh?

More Randomness

1. I don't know why but I woke up in a good mood today. Probably because 1)I slept last night and 2) the stupid phone didn't ring at 5:30a.m. waking me up with a work call. I really need the money but for once it was nice to NOT have that damned phone ringing.

2. I have had the new Church album for a while and now I LOVE IT. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially the song "Operetta." It took me several listens to warm up to the whole album but now I think it's beautiful.

3. I am having trouble getting used to these new computer keys on my new computer. I am making far too many typos. I am also being redundant.

4. I have lost even more weight. I don't know how much; my scale is broken. But I see myself and I can tell and my clothes are actually getting looser. I still have about a thousand pounds to go, but I think I finally have some control over my eating. It feels really good.

5. On that note, I am going to check out Curves. I know Veleska went and I know I need to start moving to facilitate more weight loss.

6. I've sent out 20 more resumes. I can just hear the people laughing when they receive them, but I have to do something.

7. I'm very sad and distressed by S's news of D. I'm sure the procedure will go fine, but I really want him to change his habits so he will be here a long time. Who else will remind me that there are good, decent men out there?

8. I found 8 pennies at the gas station today. I'm sure we've all dropped the occasional penny, but sheesh - 8? I know it's nothing really, but I picked them up. I'm trying to decide how to invest them. ; )

9. I wanted to take an Excel class at the local community college and then I found out the class started today and is during the DAY. Hello, people do WORK you know. Why don't you have this class at night idiots! Now I don't know where to find an Excel class.

10. This blog is pretty damned boring. I will end it with another cryptic comment: When you use me as an afterthought, I will burn you and disappear.

Random Stuff

1. My grandfather died - MAY 14th! His bastard son (and he is a bastard) never bothered to call us. There was a burial, but no funeral. Once again, I feel robbed of the chance to say goodbye. I guess I'll go to the cemetery myself.

2. I woke up at 3:30 a.m. again this morning. I haven't done that in a while. THANK GOD I'm not working today because honestly you are just beat by the time you get to work when you wake up that early.

3. I'm helping a friend move next weekend. The true test of friendship! Haha!

4. I'm sending out resumes like a fool, knowing there are no jobs out there. But what else can I do?

5. Watch out kids, I'm PMSing again. Yes it's that time of month again. Today I feel weepy, sleepy and sneezy. And I'm not even at Disneyland.

6. Not that I'm complaining but the Memorial Day weekend seemed really long.

7. I finally have my new computer. I'm deeply, madly in love with it. I've even managed to get almost everything off my old computer and onto this one without any help. I'm not really technologically savvy you see.

8. I admit it, I'm on Twitter. So sue me.

9. I so want to go back to sleep - it's been 5 hours since I've been up but I can't seem to get there.

10. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. I know what this means, it's my own little message to myself.

11. I promise to try to blog something more exciting next time. Maybe I'll rob a bank.